by far this life to me hasnt really been worth living
pretending and pleding seems to be the basis
how do survive when i only want to say goodbye
seems now its harder than ever
i walk the empty streets in the coldness and dark
wanting to only be free of what i have become
why do i still pretend when i know u didnt care
you told me u didnt, so why wait anymore
i felt the feeling that everyone says they cant describe
i thought it was real but no i guess not this time.
do u have revisions, anything i should add or take out.....comments......good or bad
2006-10-31 10:25:42 · 15 answers · asked by sweet18apparatus 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I really like what you are saying...you are very open and bare with your emotions and that is a good thing...I do have to say it is very dark and being the nosy miss that I am, are you ok hon?
I myself know the cathartic feeling that poetry can give you...and it seems like you are doing just that..however do not feel hopeless...hope is all around you...
2006-10-31 10:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tone- I supply your tone a 9 reason i'm able to take heed to the writers voice. Rhythm- I supply a ten reason the rhythm flows completely. Grammar- I supply an 8 considering the fact which you have some errors that needs to be fastened. Its very sturdy, yet i replaced into attempting to be sure in case you have been a lifeless individual residing up interior the clouds and searching down below to a international unknown. Or some thing like that.
2016-10-21 01:38:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
word usage is very basic, images and ideas r not original. it is not written in any strict form or measurement, therefor it was probably written "in the moment" (which is a common misconception of poetry. The greatest poets would take many weeks or months or years writing a poem... i kno thats not your goal, but im just trying to say that poetry is not just about "feelings", its about the art, and the complexities on all levels. as an english scholar, i view things much more critically) thing about the sounds of words, the meanings of images, and perhaps try to focus on the rythem, meter and form you want to take.... EACH WORD, EACH PUNCTUATION, EACH EMPTY SPACE IS AN OPERTUNITY! A CHANCE FOR YOU TO EVOKE A MEANING, TO RELATE SOMETHING TO YOUR AUDIENCE. think about it... as it is now, it remains mundane
2006-10-31 10:33:14 · answer #3 · answered by cleo t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice, I would rate it a 9 out of 10. It sounds like you may be going threw something, I sometimes jot down little poems, they seem to help. Good job.
2006-10-31 10:30:18 · answer #4 · answered by sweepit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, this is a wonderful poem that expresses your feelings. It is not how well-written a poem is, but how authentic it feels to the reader, and it did strike some empathy in me for what you were feeling when you wrote it...therefore I think it is good...much better than some of the other fluff that I read on here.
2006-10-31 10:32:08 · answer #5 · answered by Optimistic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really like it. I always wished that I could write, I have so many thoughts in my head that would make awesome poems and stuff, but I just dont know how to write it down, at least to make it sound good.
But.. yeah, i like it just the way it is. Very good :)
2006-10-31 10:29:13 · answer #6 · answered by Stepherz 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The poem is not terrible. It is rather depressing thought, and does not use correct punctuation and grammar. For what it is, it is not bad, but could use some slight revisions.
2006-10-31 10:29:11 · answer #7 · answered by Kiwi 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A+
2006-10-31 10:32:29 · answer #8 · answered by Saffernellie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good, and interesting. it tells a lot
i give it a 9.5/10
2006-10-31 10:31:30 · answer #9 · answered by ♥IslamForever♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOVED IT!...you are talented...try making it a bit more creative by adding better and more descriptive words...this will show what you really feel, deep inside. and than...you can enter a contest.....if you'd like...because personally, i'm impressed. :-)
2006-10-31 10:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by fifi 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋