she calls him all the time, he says that it is important that they co parent for the sake of their son, she has some heart condition and everything is life and death with her, every time their son does any thing wrong no matter how little she is on the phone with him, I have been putting up with this, but he feels so guilty because he lives away from them , he wants to give his son everything, and when he doesnt the son cry's and so he feels guilty that he disappointed him, the ex yells at him for disappointing their son yet again, she has 3 other kids by 3 other men, and their son is particulary close to the youngest (4yo) so every other weekend their son cry's to bring the little girl with him, well I guess my question is , is am I selfish for thinking that it is not our job to raise her other kids, he says he feels like I don't love him and his son if I can't do one thing every other weekend to make his son happy, am I wrong?
2006-10-31 09:38:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to remember that that is his son. If he wants to be responsible for taking care of his son then let him. He is trying to be a father and has to put up with his ex. So, just smile and let him know that you understand and that you want to help out as well. Don't forget that the other kids are his brothers and sisters. I know it's a lot to ask, but if this is the man you love, you should also love his child.
2006-10-31 09:43:05 · answer #1 · answered by goldenfir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I'm sure you can see through some of the ploys of his ex, the bottom line is that her drama aside, they have a child together and this child has to be the most important thing to him. When the son cries becuase he wants his other sibling with him, he's obviously not able to be reasoned with, and it is easier to let the other come along for the weekend. You may not be thinking long term with this man, but if you cause waves, you will definitely be short term! If you want him to toughen up a little and realize that he can't feel guilty every time the kid cries then you can work on that, but be careful about coming across as uncaring or unloving.
If it gets to the point where you can't stand it anymore you may have to leave. Your choices are suck it up or leave, but don't expect him to change.
2006-10-31 18:38:45 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your fiances' guilt is getting the best of him and the
ex is taking advantage of it.........as so many women love to do.
Taking the other little girl once in a while is one thing, but taking
her everytime......thats another thing.
When you give a crying child what they want.......they learn to use
that. They learn to cry to get their way.
You are not being selfish, but you must understand what your fiance is feeling. He doesnt know what else to do. Try finding
a compromise.... like suggest one weekend that he gets both kids and that you will babysit the little girl while he spends some
one on one time with his son. When that goes well.... keep getting both kids, but suggest that he & his son spend some one on one time together every weekend that you have him.
This is going to take patience on your part, but it will do TWO things.
1) It will show your fiance that you love him and support him
and his son and how important their relationship is.
2) It will let the little boy see how much fun it can be to have his
daddy all to himself.... eventually the little boy wont want the
little girl to come along.
2006-10-31 18:22:27 · answer #3 · answered by Trish 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great that the parents are friendly and involved. He needs to be available for his children at all times, just like he would be if they were still married. It doesn't matter that she cheated or has 10 kids with 10 men-- your boyfriend picked her, married her and made a baby with her.
Your fiance, will forever be tied to this woman, his kids and her kids- for the next 15 years or so. If you're having a hard time with the situation, imagine how the children must feel. You're not selfish, but maybe a man with children isn't your thing- it doesn't have to be.
(I personally refused to recycle another woman's husband and family because this whole man-kid-ex guilt-drama was not how I wanted to live my life. It wasn't my fault their marriage failed, so didn't think I should pay the price.)
2006-10-31 17:52:02 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt call you selfish, you just need to understand more.......to a point. You knew when you got involved he had a son and you would be apart of his son's life. I suggest family therapy for you, your fiance, his ex-wife and the man in her life (if she has one). The ex is being controlling and your fiance is letter her do it. How would you feel about the son living with you full time? It sounds like he would be better off.
2006-10-31 17:53:24 · answer #5 · answered by Stewiesgal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,
well you are in a way???did you grow up with any siblings or half bro"s and sisers????i was the youngest of 4 and we all had different fathers....what does that make the mother a bad person????i really don't think so....just as long as she takes care of her children....its not you raising them children....and i always went with the other childrens father.....its not fair to take 1 and not take them all....but some people are selfish like you that ruin it for the children....oddviousely you don't have any children or else you would be happy that he gets to see his son....most women like you are the ones that play head games and keep their kid from their father.....and then you wonder why men hate to get involved with a woman that has children .....or women with a man that has a child.....men hate women due to people like you....so stop being so jealious .......so what if he plays daddy to other children.....at least they have some one to call daddy.....every one needs a father and why should you screw things up for the children????
2006-10-31 18:53:41 · answer #6 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As for putting up with the daughter you probably have no choice. His son and his sons sister are important. But his ex is a drama queen and seeks attention from whoever will give it. Unfortunately he does have a kid with her so its sad that she will always be apart of his life and consequently yours...well tell she grows up or you leave him....
2006-10-31 17:51:45 · answer #7 · answered by sirelyas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will only be wrong if you marry him already knowing this going into the marriage and then complain about it. Take this opportunity to look at yourself and decide if this is how you want to spend your life and make a decision.
2006-10-31 17:55:41 · answer #8 · answered by redbeansandrice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend, you go by your gut feeling because its seems to work best. We make alot of sacrifices for the men in our lives, so hey whats it worth for him to see it from your point of view??? Keep that communication open girlfriend ! You have every right to question the situation. Its your life also. Right?
2006-10-31 17:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by CryBaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got into a sticky situation. He has to figure out what he wants and if you want to be with him you need to support him in what he wants.
If the relationship doesn't work for you and you are not getting what you want...it is time to do some serious thinking.
2006-10-31 17:46:31 · answer #10 · answered by denverwazzup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋