Is it fair to a have a best friend of the oppiset sex even if that friend came before your husband or wife?? #2 how far will you allow it meaning what will be the limits of what you are allowed to do with this (best) friend?#3 do you talk to this friend on a day to day basis?? and would it be about your marriage problems and other problems concerning your relationship with this person whom you are dating when does the boundrys come in place,where there needs to have respect for your husband or your wife . does it get to the point of you thinking that husband or wife is cheating on you with this (best) friend? when is it time to draw the line?? i need help before i get to that non trusting stage in my marriage. i dont think i need to snoop and check his belongings i mean im a cop and i can do what i need to, to get answers .
2006-10-31 09:31:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
#1It is never okay for anyone to come "before" your spouse.
#2 If you were to have a good friend of the opposite sex then it should be someone you spent time with only with your spouse ie double date or home meal.
#3 Day to day basis? I would think that a little weird. Why would you need to talk with this person so much? That is what I would ask myself if I found myself encompusing someone of the opposite sex into my life as a married woman.
Discussing marriage/relationship problems? Never! That is a disaster waiting to happen. As a general rule, men and women should not be good friends with someone of the opposite sex when in a committed relationship or marriage. It just tends to create problems. You should always ask the questions who is more important to me and if I think at any moment that this "friend" is taking up more room in my life than my husband/wife then I'll break it off immediately. Never let feelings for someone creap in and take over your heart or mind!
Your spouse should never, never have to worry that you are cheating and you should never put yourself in a compromising situation to allow for that to happen.
Finally, if a situation arose that made you wonder if he had cheated or was cheating, then it is always okay to ask what is going on. If your husband really wants you and cares about you then he would be willing to be open about his other relationship and if things were getting a little too close to that "line" then he would most likely be willing to cut things off with this other person.
Good luck and I'd never worry about snooping...you're married to him. Its not like you are dating and you snoop through his room while he is out. That would be different.
2006-10-31 10:04:51 · answer #1 · answered by eileen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is fair to have a friend/best friend before a relationship or marriage, think about it. The friendship obviously started before anyone else was there, now after a relationship begins seriously with another, then rules take effect. If you met your husband and he was already friends with someone and you accepted that then you are stuck with it, you dated,fell in love, got married while the "friend" was around so it won't be easy if now you are uneasy. Communication is key, don't snoop, ask and find out what you need, and yes establish your place, YOU ARE NUMBER ONE! not the "friend". But I wouldn't expect to have them part ways unless it is necessary.
2006-10-31 09:40:00 · answer #2 · answered by livlovelaugh 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the people. If the opposite sex best friend is supportive and not destructive then that is a plus. Also you need to talk to the spouse and if they aren't comfortable with certain things then you have to respect that. You also have to put your spouse before that friend, do not call your best friend with great news that your spouse may want to hear first etc. It takes alot of communication, trust and respect from all parties, it also helps to involve everyone in activities as well as activities individually with each person.
2006-10-31 09:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by marlenekay4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an awsome friend who is male and me and him hang out all the time. He has a girlfriend and I just got married last month and we go out together without our significant others. We knew each other before I met my spouse and he met his girlfriend and we never had a romantic relationship. My husband trusts me and knows that I am not attracted to him in anyway and his girlfriend is totally cool with me. We don't see each other in that way and we can live with it and still be good friends. I really believe there is friendships out there that can be of the opposite sex.
Let your spouse bring their friend around you, see what she's about and the vibe they have when they're together. Why would he be with you if he was romantically interested in his friend?
2006-10-31 09:52:35 · answer #4 · answered by kittypunx 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may be very naive of me, but I think best friends of the opposite sex are practically non-existent. I know they exist, but it concerns me a little that a man needs to have a female best friend. I believe when a person marries, the spouse should be his love, lover, best friend, confidante....and all friends before marriage should come second. He should be able to talk to you about everything, including any problems. I dont think I would like it that my husbands needs to confide in another female. I dont think he should not be allowed to have friends no matter what sex they are, but if he needs to talk to her everyday, then I wouldnt like it at all and would wonder why he cannot talk to me like that. Maybe she is his best friend, and maybe there is nothing more than friendship, but if he is putting their friendship above your marriage then I would certainly be saying something to him. You are right, dont let it get to the point of not trusting him. Talk to him about it.....tell him your expectations about what you expect from him. Tell him that you should be his best friend and the friend should come second. Your marriage is the most important, not their friendship....and some boundaries or guidelines need to be set in place. Talk to him, tell him that you are feeling left out and you think his friendship is a bit "over the top". I believe it is over the top if he talks to her every day and thinks so highly of their friendship. If you are thinking that their friendship means more to him than your marriage, then you need to talk to him about it. If he is prepared to lose you for his friendship with this woman, then obviously there is something more going on because it is not normal for anyone to choose a friend over a spouse, especially if you are in love with them.
2006-10-31 09:43:02 · answer #5 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-05 10:02:39 · answer #6 · answered by aune 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I HAVE A MALE FRIEND WHO IS MY BEST FRIEND ALSO BUT WE ARE NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED AT ALL AND I HAVE ALSO WONDERED WHAT MY POSITION WOULD BE IF I WAS TO GET INTO ANOTHER SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN. MY FRIEND HAS BEEN IN SEVERAL RELATIONSHIPS AND HAS MADE IT QUITE CLEAR TO THEM THAT HE AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS. I AM INCLUDED IN MANY THINGS WITH THEM AND JUST MY FRIEND BUT I PERSONALLY TRY TO BE CONSIDERATE OF HIS GIRLFRIEND AS I TRY TO PUT THE SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT. I GUESS I JUST KNOW WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE SO THAT I DON'T BECOME A PROBLEM CAUSE I WOULD HATE TO LOSE HIS FRIENDSHIP.
2006-10-31 09:46:03 · answer #7 · answered by BAG LADY 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very simple... a person should treat their male and female friends the same.. if he wouldn't give his male friend a back rub then he shouldn't be giving his female friend one.. if he doesn'
t talk to his guy friends on a dailly basis then he shouldn't talk to her dailly.. basically a friend is a friend and the sex of that friend should not matter. but i don't believe guys have female friends.. just women we haven't fu.cked.... yet
2006-10-31 11:00:04 · answer #8 · answered by mrbubbachowpuss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...if your husband has a "best friend", that is female, watch out. Its more than fair to tell him that its time to take that relationship down a knotch, I mean, he IS married now. You should be his best friend, but if you arnt it cant be forced quickly.
2006-10-31 09:35:41 · answer #9 · answered by Jared S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋