Ive been married 4months. my husband isnt as romantically interested in me as i would like or even as "normal" guys should be. We discussed this issue and it seems that his "romantic" interest in me is sporadic. this has crushed me and my self esteem. he doesnt flirt with me, look at me the way a husband should look at this wife, or really act all that interested except once in a while. an affair has been 100% ruled out and theres no type of dysfunction. he wants "us" to work, and says he can be the way i want. i disagree. i feel like this isnt an issue to work out. its either there or its not. i dont want my husband to have to try to become more romantically attracted to me nor do i want him to "get help" for it. when your in love and really attracted to someone the romance should come natural especially for a young healthy guy. he says he doesnt know why the attraction lacks but i think it has to do with me physically but he doesnt want to hurt me. I need help!!!
2006-10-31 09:25:22 · 10 answers · asked by sunflower 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i brought this issue up before we were married but he would justify it with a lame excuse, because i trust him and love him and want to spend my life with him i let it go but it has only gotten worse.i have tried everything i can think of to help the situation but nothing has worked.
2006-10-31 09:34:24 · update #1
wwhen i say my self esteem was crushed that just happened when we discussed the issue. his complaints with my love for him, attention to him and attitude, etc etc are null and void. everything he says he like and wants ive done and i do-so when i ask what the hold up is-he just says he doesnt know. sometimes he just doesnt look at me that way and he knows he should. he says he married me cause he loves me and wants to be with me
2006-10-31 09:40:32 · update #2
I kinda agree that romance has to do with a spark, but also believe, that we put out what has been put in all our years growing up. I mean if his father was never openly affectionate, then he might just be struggling with how and what to do. You should cut him a little slack and just be romantic for the 2of u till he catches on. I mean 4 months is not very long to figure out anything about anybody. Go to Borders and look at there adult book section there are alot of books that might help. I got one 100 ways to show u care al simple stuff he could start with write a note and leaver for her, leave a message on machine al kind of little things until he warms up.
2006-10-31 09:35:04 · answer #1 · answered by erker34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he tried consulting a doctor? I'm not quite sure what you mean by saying he's not "romantically interested". Does he have a low sex drive, amongst other things? This could be a medical issue. Low testosterone can cause low sexual drive in men, and it's a treatable condition. But the bottom line is - if you need constant reassurance from him just to keep your self-esteem from collapsing - you're with a wrong person. Surely you married him for a reason; he may not be very "expressive", but doesn't he have other great qualities that are worth loving him for, even if he's not totally perfect? I say it because my husband is not at all expressive in the normal "romantic" way, and he's not terribly interested in sex. However, it would never occur me to doubt his love and committment for me - he shows it in many different ways, from being a good listener to staying home with me in the evenings to taking me out to dinner when I don't feel like cooking. I don't know, most people probably perceive us being kind of distant, but I feel that we communicate very well, and speak the same "relationship language". I don't think there's anything "wrong" with your husband, but the fact that your communication/relating styles are different can certainly create some problems.
2006-10-31 10:31:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all...get over yourself. You low self esteem may have something to do with it. Most men are attracted to confident women. So, first, you can only change yourself. Start acting more confident about yourself and he will see that.
Second, he just go married (HUGE LIFE CHANGING EVENT - HELLO!!!!!) This can take time for someone to get used to. Especially if he was a very independent guy before.
And yes...romanticism is something you work on. What have you done for him lately. Treat him the way you want to be treated and don't expect something in return. Just love him and be confident that you are worth his time and energy. He will come around.
2006-10-31 09:33:19 · answer #3 · answered by denverwazzup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a lot of opinions:
"i would like or even as "normal" guys should be"
"look at me the way a husband should "
"i dont want my husband to have to try "
"nor do i want him to "
"when your in love and really attracted to someone the romance should come natural "
I think you have unrealistic expectations. Romance is a learned behavior. Sometimes we do something really great and other times we totally goof it up. It sound like you want perfection every time.
What are you doing in this relationship?
Are you being as kinky and slutty as he wants and doing the things he wants you to do and when he wants you to?
He was not put on this earth to make you happy. He's here willing to share his happiness with you. What are you sharing with him?
2006-10-31 09:41:16 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the book "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. It helped me big time especially in my marriage.
Prayer my friend is very powerful. Don't feel bad please. You can also go to www.doersoftheword.org and receive free counselling from the Pastor there.
Think positive! Smile and have confidence in yourself. All will work out believe me.
God Bless!
2006-10-31 09:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im going through the same problem, but i dont think it means he loves you any less but i do think it means he's getting lazier! He feels he doesnt need to work or make an effort with you any more, because your his now, your married. He's taken you for granted. Wat i would recommend is begin not paying as much attention to him affectionately. Dont completely stop but step back slightly, and begin going out more with friends. Spend more time with yourself and work, and socialising. He will quickly see your independent and realise he has to constantly "Woo" you to keep ya keen ;-)
2006-10-31 09:43:24 · answer #6 · answered by Lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take what he says at face value. Work on it with him. Find out what entices him and do it. You have a rare man who is willing to work on things with you. It sounds like he wants you to be happy in your marriage and when him. So, give him the benefit of the doubt and work on it with him. Love is a feeling, but it's also an action. Love him. :)
2006-10-31 09:30:16 · answer #7 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just married you 4 months ago. How much could have changed in that little of time ?? Did you notice anything before you got married ?? Did you ask him why he married you then ?
2006-10-31 09:32:16 · answer #8 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something you should of known before you got married....why is this a surprise???? He could not have just turned this way right when you got married.....
2006-10-31 09:30:29 · answer #9 · answered by kittypunx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did he act more romantic when you were dating???
2006-10-31 09:31:31 · answer #10 · answered by LittleLady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋