My husband wouldnt let me watch t.v?!!?

Question

My husband of two years and myself moved into a new apartment today for the first time living together without roomates.
I came home from buying some things and sat down to watch t.v, he came in and turned it off, i couldnt believe it and turned it back on, he threathened to throw it out if i watched it during the day!!
We got into a big fight after i told him he cant control me. Now he says the T.V is going! Unfortunately im depended on him right now as i havent yet recieved my working status, and cant work. If i divorce him i will be cutting my nose off despite my face as the say as i wont get my greencard. But i can not and wont tolerate being controlled. Wat should i do? I love him very much but i need to be independent, he needs to know i can walk out if i like.. but how can i ?

And its MY T.V Lol Yes i can use the computers. He says day time t.v is for bums! I know daytime tv is thrash but i just sat down to relax for a minute!

Answer 1

You need to discuss this with him when you are both calm and rational. You need to explain to him that you do not need a parent, but a husband. He needs to learn that your relationship is a 50/50 agreement that is not controlled by one spouse. If you love each other, you will be able to work this out. Remember, marriage is all about compromise.

Answer 2

Well, maybe cutting off the sex would do it!
This is not run out and divorce him material!
This is him testing the waters with you. You need to explain to him that even though you understand his concern that you'll be stuck to the couch and never get out and work, you were only unwinding for a bit, and if he over reacts like that and behaves in a controlling manner he should not expect the marriage to last long. This is an issue of respect and consideration. If he has a problem with what you're doing he should tell you and give you the opportunity to choose whether you want to turn off the tv.

If that doesn't go over well then just remind him that you own something that's very special to him and you might have to pick and choose when and what time of day he can use it.

Answer 3

Do you have family to turn to? It sounds like your husband is very controlling. Has he showed this side of himslef before now? I am guessing no knowing that you had roomates before. If he tells you, you cant watch t.v. today he obviously is pushing the control button. If you dont stop him now things will get worse. Often men and women start with control then progress into physical violence when they feel the empowerment they are looking for. You have to tell him that you will not allow him to control you like that. He knows that he has you in a bind considering you dont have your greencard, but whatever you do dont let him hold that over your head. You may get your greencard in the long run, but you will loose all your happiness and all that you are as a person will suddenly change.

Answer 4

If you leave your husband because you want to watch more TV, you are making the wrong decision. Two people in a marriage are not independent - otherwise there'd be no purpose in giving of yourself to the other like love requires.

If your husband doesn't want you to watch TV, ask him what he would prefer. Perhaps playing cards, listening to the radio, or surfing the internet can substitute. If your husband is abusive, then this changes the situation altogether - and you should seek in-person counsuling with a social worker or expert (skip asking people online).

I asked my wife to give up owning a TV several years ago, and we have been happier ever since. She found the time to start her own photography business after work, and has a great portfolio. We don't get to chat about the latest shows with people, but we can show them some excellent pictures, and we have more money - and best yet, she is much happier.

Answer 5

As always there is more to this than you say. Why would he just come how and turn the TV off. Must have a reason.

You are in a bad place because of your dependence. So to some extent you will have to put up with it. If his controlling ever gets to the hitting stage you better leave somehow.

One thing you can do. All women have this power.
No more sex until he comes around. You know him better than I so I have to assume you at least have control over that.

Answer 6

How do you even have time to watch television during the day? I barely have time at night, and even when I have time, the shows are horribly boring, and do nothing for feeding my brain.

You have several problems, and should address them immediatly.

1. You have too much time on your hands--Get your home in order. Find a job that pays cash on the side, i.e. walking someone's dog, babysitting, housecleaning, errand running, etc.
2. Become more independent--get your life in order so that if you are together, it's because your marriage is healthy, trusting and loving, based on two people who respect each other. Not based on one person dependent on the other & one person needing to control the other.
3. Ask yourself why you say you love him, he seems horribly controlling. He could ask you to be more productive with your time with a healthy discussion, not by engaging in aggressive behavior. To be fair, you do seem horribly lazy. You should really try to be a more productive, independent person. Independence comes from action, not wishing.

Answer 7

You should be thankful your husband cares so much about your mental health. Okay, so he was heavy handed - but not any more than you claim "your tv" after 2 years. Your ranting about needing to be independent - then why did you marry the guy? Methinks something else is going on here. No mention of love/good qualities/sex. Find a counselor and cool the dials - divorce over Judge Judy?

Answer 8

Call the police. advise them that you are concerned about your health and well being; that, nothing has happened yet; but, you want to have it documented should something happen.. With this in mind, your husband should back off, if not; and you do get hurt, your legal status will not be revoked due to the mental and physical trauma you had to endure to retain your status and hence, receive a temporary legal residence status. Where by; the time all legal matters are resolved you will have the time in country to apply for permanent status..

Answer 9

it sounds like a deeper issue than just the T.V. get a job, start saving, wait if u cant get job now but when u can then put a little money aside regularly, u can buy ur own T.V. or move out when the time is right, dont let anyone control u , ur not a child... good luck.

Answer 10

What?!!! Is he your husband or your father?
Please don't tell me you only got married (as opposed to living together 'in sin') to get your green card.
Marriage (or any other relationship of that nature) isn't about having power over the other person - whether to literally dictate their actions or to blackmail them (eg by witholding sex or threatening to leave) into behaving they way you want them to. Marriage is a partnership - you may not always agree, but you should always be able to discuss and perhaps agree to differ.
You need to have a CALM talk together to work out this clash of expectations. It's good to try to phrase the things you say as non-confrontationally as possible - not "you make me feel...", but "when you ... I feel ...". Speak calmly yourself, tell him you'd like to try to work this out, as you love him. If doing this at home doesn't work, try counselling. If he's unwilling, ask yourself if he actually loves you, or just the idea of being married. And ask yourself, too, if you can live like this, or if you seriously need to get back home (somehow!) - lost love hurts, but it will fade.