I think my new husband of 9 months cheated on me what do I do?

Question

Im miserable - I just found out about my new husband cheating on me - but Im not sure how far it went. We had been going out for about a year when my Dad who had cancer got a bad checkup and was not given long to live. He asked me to marry him so my dad could walk me down the aisle. Now its 9 months later - my dad died - and I just found out that he went to a lot of trouble to contact this girl he went out with 3 years ago. Ive been very depressed about my dads death and now this! I found his emails to her - he sent her pictures of his pen** and told her how he could still feel the electricity in their kiss and how he made a mistake in not being with her because I micromanage his life. They had explicit net sex - I mean stuff that made me throw up when I read it it was so XXX rated. Him talking about what she felt like and how she smelled and how good she tasted - they were going to meet and I dont know for sure if they did - how do I confront him about this - what do I do?

yes - but should i leave him because of this - he told her the only reason we got married is because of my dad - I cant believe that - I am so hurt and upset.

Answer 1

straight up tell him and bring up all the evidence u found

Answer 2

Ok, let's be straight on this- in reality he did marry you because he loved you, but primarily over the ill dad issue. I think even you know that. And maybe the intention was good and he or you both thought that what was needed to make a marriage work would come with time. Add to that the obvious pain you're going through with your dad's illness, and death and the toll it takes on you and a marriage and you've got a real mess. So let's take the girlfriend out of the equation and ask whether this marriage that was built on the wrong foundation would have lasted. Probably not, but it may have taken more time than this to come to that conclusion.

Now, that doesn't make what he's done right. I agree that showing him a hard copy of what you have on him will have a definite impact, but he will deflect his guilt to back to you for not trusting him and spying on him (which actually turned out to be a good move, so cut that off as soon as he tries it). I think if you approach the situation with your marriage by being up front about it having its problems, but not let him off the hook on the infidelity (whether he did anything physical or not he sure as heck cheated!) that may actually work for you. If you want to work this out, then you're going to have to make him choose, and choosing means ending all contact with her. If he doesn't want to, you know you have no control over him ultimately, and you may have to separate over it.

Answer 3

First of all, you know the answer to your own question. You need to leave this man alone. You may love him but you have to love yourself more. There may some decent part of this man that wanted to allow your dad the joy of walking his baby girl down the aisle and that is admirable. Take that good memory of him and walk away. What is down in the dark always comes to the light. Trust me, your dad would not want this for you. Be the strong woman I am sure he taught you to be. Things will get better for you.

Answer 4

Good - you should be hurt and upset. You have your dad's death and now the death of your dreams/hopes/love/marriagee to work through. It will take major grief work.
a) How did you find this material? If you invaded his privacy, you own him an explanation before demaning an explanation from him.
b) I would encourage you to print it out and hand it to him when you sit down to talk.
c) He is acting like a little boy - he cares/d for you to marry you. Now he wants to play sex. A marriage can overcome this, but both of you need to try. His little "I only married her..." sounds like sweet talk to an easy sexual encounter, not necessarily the truth.
d) If he won't get help, get some for yourself through a pastor or counselor.
s

Answer 5

Girl - even if they didnt meet he cheated on you and disrespected you in so many ways. You deserve so much better than a man who would do that to you. But if you insist on trying to "make it work" you will need some serious marriage counseling to gain back trust, and it might not be there ever again. You need to ask yourself some serious questions - like do you really love this loser? Do you want to put the effort into this marriage? What kind of guy cheats on his new wife 9 months after they got married AND after her dad has died? Is this really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Id kick his *** to the curb - and fast, and get myself into therapy to deal with his betrayal and the death of my father.

Answer 6

You need to be frank with him. Confront him with the evidence. It would not be right if you have this all bottled up while he walks around thinking he got away with something. The part that should hurt the most is that he basically said he does not love you, and married you out of pity. You do not need a guy like that. Make him suffer, then leave his ***.

Answer 7

Wow! I am a married man and looked up a girlfriend from the past. Didn't get into what your hubby did buit........ I was definately looking for something my present wife wasn't giving me! (not necessarily sex!) although it was part of it. If you the two of you don't communicate and work out your problems you are doomed to misery! I know from what I am going through now! You need to get some help to deal with your depression or it will get worse! One step at a time! Good Luck----JT

Answer 8

first gather yourself up and hold your head up high.. Then you print all of this crap off the computer, make sure you get it from his e-mails so he can not possible deny it, and then you pack his bag, call the ex he will be needing a place to stay, and confront him with it. If that is just too difficult to do , then you pack his crap for him and tell him to get the FREAK out because you do not need that kind of crap in your life at all.. You will find the strength within yourself to do what is right. best of luck to you, and continue to pray to your dad he will hear you and help guide you through this mess.. hold your head up high and do not lose your faith just yet..

Answer 9

two wrongs don`t make it right. Sit with him and get to the bottom of it.If at the end you don`t have a piece about it you may want to move on. No marriage is worth fighting or dying over.And if he is a loser now what will he be like five years down the road. You don`t want a father for your children who runs around. What will he do next and try to wiggle out of

Answer 10

Yes, you should leave him. He obviously just felt bad for you. You two are not right for each other. Oh...and as a side note but if you are "finding" his emails...then you are "micromanaging his life. Get out now...learn how to trust people...then try starting again with someone new.

Answer 11

Well I think you should just go up and ask him, honey you have been through so much and I dont think I could read a story on here showing how strong someone is like you! I have been cheated on before too, and I asked him up front, I think you should. Well please let me know how you are holding up and stuff. Email me [e-mail] I wish the best of luck to you!