Sometimes the truth just hurts! When he hurts you verbally, you take the chance to shoot back what's bad about him coz he just did it to you!? And if you wait later to tell him during happy times, you're not gonna be able to portray your true feelings coz you're happy! So this battle never ends! What should we do? Tell them or not?
2006-10-31 08:20:48 · 13 answers · asked by AskClara 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what you are talking about I am sure everyone has done from time to time. No-one likes to be abused (you call it hurting your verbally) and you retaliate...its human nature. It takes a lot of self control to not hit back, but from experience it certainly is not the best tactic. When that happens to me and someone verbally attacks me....I will calmly tell them "I am leaving the room now, I am not prepared to be abused and will discuss this with you when you are calm." What you are in fact doing is showing them who is in control, and it certainly is not them. If you can stay in control you will "win" every time. Your spouse will have a new respect for you, and if you are consistent with this kind of approach then he isnt going to verbally attack you any more....why continuing arguing with someone if they walk out of the room...it defeats the whole puprose. If he follows you, then walk out of the house, go somewhere where you dont have to hear his abuse. He will soon stop it, but you have to take control. Dont give him any ammunition, just walk away. Take control and it will soon work in your favour.
2006-10-31 08:34:16 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There were moments when hurtful things would come out in past arguments. I've gotten better with it by thinking before speaking. Just taking a deep breath and not letting the anger take over you. I feel once you've said something hurtful, you can't take it back. Just know that you have to speak from that place of love (always be CONSISTENT with this one) not hate. Also it doesn't help the cause at all. Words in anger never solve problems. Maturity keeps you from saying hurtful things. Just because you don't agree with someone doesn't give you the right to hurt them. Pick your battles wisely, don't end the day on a bad note. Never go to bad angry with each other.
2006-10-31 08:47:25 · answer #2 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Disagreements shouldn't be used as a backdrop to discuss the "Truth". The truth hurts, but even worse than that, the truth, when used as weapon can leave serious scars on your spouse that don't go away for a long time. Could be years. You don't have a million chances. Men's egos can be like glass and once its broken there is no apology or sex or even voodoo which can ever make it right again.
If you must call names, then stick with insults which don't attack his person. He should do the same.
2006-10-31 09:14:28 · answer #3 · answered by Big Marc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not the way to handle a relationship. If there are things about him that you seriously want changed, yelling in the heat of anger is not going to accomplish anything. You need to sit down and have a calm, reasonable talk with him about what's bothering you and reach a compromise.
If he starts yelling at you and saying things that hurt you, walk away. Tell him you'll be happy to discuss what's bothering him when he calms down.
Remember this -- it's very, very important. MEN DO NOT UNDERSTAND HINTS! If you say something when you're mad, he'll dismiss it. You must get his FULL attention and tell him what the problem is. Do not bring this up while he's watching TV, reading the paper, surfing the net, etc.
If you want him to do something, you must tell him exactly what you want done. Do not say, "I wish you'd help more with the housework." Say, "Honey, would you please do the dishes while I vacuum in the living room?" Be specific, be direct, and be calm.
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2006-10-31 08:22:30 · answer #4 · answered by FozzieBear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes when in the heat of an argument we say things to assassinate our spouses character, but the words we speak in anger can never be taken back, it does real damage to a marriage. it's best when arguing to defend yourself without attacking them,we all have a responsibility in what comes out of our mouthes,and we all need to be discreet when in the heat of an arguement, and be careful, once spoken it can't be taken back.
2006-10-31 08:33:54 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always tell my children, never to speak words out of anger or frustration, because words are like bullets from a gun. Once they are fired off, you can not get them back. Sure you can say your sorry and apologize, but never can you make it like you never said it. Usually they hurt and it takes self discipline to withhold your words. Striking out in anger or frustration only will cause you great pain and frustration.
2006-10-31 08:27:05 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This truth always proves to be right- If you cant say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all. It will never come back to haunt you later.
2006-10-31 08:23:24 · answer #7 · answered by yournotalone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, love should not be cruel. You can never take back your words and often times the words you speak replay in your loved ones minds.
2006-10-31 08:24:44 · answer #8 · answered by redbeansandrice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not (by law) okay to kill....but, if you're that unhappy....leave. Keep those Marriage/divorce statistics up rather than the number of women who shot their husbands.
2006-10-31 08:24:43 · answer #9 · answered by voandginger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hear what your saying hard working things out same here also probable say just a few things then give it a breather.
2006-10-31 08:24:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋