I have been seeing my bf for the past 5wks, and I am at the end of a divorce. He really wants to meet my kids, and he swears he wants to be serious with me ... should I let him meet the kids ... or should I wait?
2006-10-31 08:07:16 · 20 answers · asked by bettiepagefan25 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How long have you been seperated, and are your KIDS ready to meet HIM??? That is the main question... WHO cares about HIS feelings... Its all bout the kids!
2006-10-31 08:08:51 · answer #1 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation with a girl I was seeing. I kept the two separate because I knew that the ex was grilling my kid every time I had her. I also didn't want my kid adjusting too many things because of the divorce/separation. In the end the girlfriend didn't want to continue the relationship so I think I made the right decision to keep it separate that way my kid didn't start having a relationship with her and have it end in a few months anyway. Kids come first and if your friend is serious then he should wait. If you want to introduced him do it in a group/open setting for very short time burst to let the kids adjust slowly.
2006-10-31 08:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to protect the kids until you are sure that it is not going to be a "first relationship" after a divorce that did not pan out. Kids tend to get attached to people rather quickly and if you are not sure he is the guy, then you need to keep that separate until you are. He should respect that and understand that, if not, then that could be a sign that he may not be the person you want to meet them at any rate... Caution on the side of the children...
2006-10-31 08:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WAIT! Don't be worried about him, be worried about you. Are you ready for a serious relationship right now? Don't you want to recover from the residuals first before you get involved? If you feel you are ready to get involved then see what happens at the 3 month mark. That has been my experience with guys that are really not THAT interested...the 3 month mark. Besides, why get your kids involved until you KNOW it's going to work? Protect your kids with all your heart, cause no one else can or will protect them as much as you can.
2006-10-31 08:15:57 · answer #4 · answered by honeybee4u2c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say wait. If the divorce isnt final yet, you dont want the kids telling Dad anything that would prolong the divorce. And 5 weeks isnt that long. Let's make sure he's definately in it for the long haul before you bring in different men into your kids' lives
2006-10-31 09:00:05 · answer #5 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 weeks isn't long enough. If this guy doesn't work out, or the next, then your kids have a turnstyle of men going by. That's not good for them, and in this situation, you have to be sure this guy is going to be around in thier lives for a good long time. You can't have them building bonds with people who don't go the long haul. They'll never trust as adults. My personal opinion, wait until you are talking about getting engaged. If he doesn't get that your kids come first, drop him like a hot rock. If you can't put your kids first, you need to look inside and reprioritize.
2006-10-31 08:35:31 · answer #6 · answered by bigwheeler19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would wait...whats the hurry? It would be even more traumatic if the kids came to like him and you two broke up...especially after a divorce. Warning signs would be flashing in my mind if a man was so much in a hurry about meeting my kids like that...a lot of peodophiles get to children through the mother...be careful. 5 weeks is nothing in the scheme of a relationship...you need to concentrate on keeping your kids safe and helping them get over the divorce not throwing them into a new 'daddy' situation.
2006-10-31 08:12:12 · answer #7 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bf should not meet the kids unless he is the one your keeping. The kids have lost a male figure in the home until you find Mr. Right and have made plans for a lifetime commited relationship with him your kids should not meet him.
If he wants to meet them take them to a park and let him sit nearby and visit with you and meet the kids individually. DO NOT Bring him home unless you are planning on marrying him soon.
2006-10-31 08:10:14 · answer #8 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
depends on the ages of the kids. maybe you should let him meet them outside the house environment like the park or lunch somewhere so the kids don't feel threatened or uncomfortable i have 4 kids of my own and split from there dad 3 and a half years ago and its hard to let someone else in on your kids life so if you trust this guy then take the risk but take it slow one day at a time good luck
2006-10-31 08:17:30 · answer #9 · answered by kazzie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's great that he's expressed an interest in your kids and wants to meet them. However, speaking from experience on both sides of the spectrum, it's too soon. Once you bring them together, they start to bond and if anything goes wrong, it's hard on them and you. It will be divorce all over again.
2006-10-31 08:12:33 · answer #10 · answered by eehco 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No not yet. If he is serious then let him get to know u better and you get to know him too. wait at least couple months and see how it goes with you two. Remember u just got out of a marriage and he could be just a rebound. find out more about him. see how he treats u first.
2006-10-31 08:11:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋