been married for 9-10yrs 2 girls, and i love him i stood next to him thinking that one day we will be fine financially and happy, we got marry young and imature but i figure we could grow 2gether and have a wonderful life 2gether. he started going out, he wanted time off, so i figure i would give him a taste of his own medicine and went out a few time myself, but i felt horrible after and got tired of doing it but he kept it many nights all day long. after 4mons i found pamper receipt, i couldnt take it anymore finding girls numbers, him going out and now a pampers receipt, i left to my parents house. Now 2mons since, & i keep looking 4/him, should i fight to regain this marriage, why do i feel my life is him, why am i not worth enought for him, the girls what? he is crue to me, & i still love him why do i stick around for him to fool me with lies & hurtful words, why do i still love him as much as when we 1st met?
2006-10-31 05:46:22 · 16 answers · asked by why 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It;s one thing if he cheated and was sorry and was willing to do anything to make amends but he's not so you need to move on. It's the hardest thing but the best for you and your girls. Show them your a strong woman who will not be mistreated and start fresh.
2006-10-31 05:55:48 · answer #1 · answered by trailsend 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, no he will never stop cheating on you because you have proven to him that you are his personal door matt. And why should he stop? You are still there, honey -- you have no self-esteem, and he knows it. You don't love him (and for sure he doesn't love you -- you have found that out just a ton of times... you're a predictable, dependant warm place to put his penis, and you know it too) -- you love the IMAGE you have of him, and they are not the same. You also fear that to be alone is worse than living with this guy. There are lots of women like you. And they whine away, yet don't leave. Well, there are some of us who DO leave for the unknown, and do indeed find something better, but we are the brave ones....
You figure there is no one else, because you have no idea how to meet anyone else. But there are lots of guys out there.... tons sweeter than the jerk you have. And where are they? Try Yahoo Personals, or Match.com or other services, and get yourself together: Here's how:
If you don't have a killer smile, get one at the best cosmetic dentist in your area. ...Gotta have a killer smile, even if you have noting else..... Loose weight, exercise, buy some neat clothes, have your hair done, your make up done. Yup, bottom line is to spend some buckos on yourself. No one will look or be interested if the cover of the book is shabby. If they can make drop dead gorgeous people out of those dogs on Makeovers, you will be easy, and cheaper, hon, --- way cheaper. Then get some great photos taken, read some of what other women say about themselves and put up an ad on Yahoo or Match.
Your life couldn't have been as bad as mine, honey -- no way. I left, no, I ran away. Moved to another state, and found the prince, who was also treated like dirt by his ex. We couldn't be happier. Will it happen immediately??? oh, no. But you will learn and meet interesting people, and refine your search. Use common sense -- there are a few nuts out there, just like those you will be sitting next to in church, but this is the way people in the 21st century find each other.
Stay in that aweful situation, or get brave, and leave for a chance of finding a better life with a nicer person....You get about 80 years on this planet. Are you going to waste anymore on him????
2006-10-31 06:20:05 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have become dependent on him...that logical he is your husband and the father of your children. This marriage is emotionally abusive for you. A lot of women make the mistake thinking that they must not be enough for their man if the man keeps cheating - that's not true! I know its hard right now, but you are doing the right thing by taking a stand. My sister just left her husband that she had three little girls with. She is staying with our mother in the meantime. It doesn't seem like your husband is mature enough for the demands of a marriage. He is still acting like a single man. That is obviously not a good role model for your children either! You can do better!
2006-10-31 05:55:45 · answer #3 · answered by Melynda M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll answer that first question to begin with. You still love him, because he's the same man you fell in love with in the first place. Simple as that.
I'm not going to say it's common for infidelity to be forgivable; but that's not saying it can't be. If you accept this part of your man as a normal, inevitable part of your life together - which it obviously is - you'll be much less worried about it. Vows do not say "For better or else...".
Honestly, as wrapped up in this man as you seem to be, finding a different guy is possible, but if I'm right, -any- guy you're going to be attracted to will be the kind that does this. Continue to do what you've done, you'll continue to win what you've won.
It doesn't stop. And either you accept it, and him with it; or you don't, and should rid yourself of this situation.
2006-10-31 06:00:26 · answer #4 · answered by baconman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason why is because you truly, deeply love him. I'm sure their are many reasons why. You stay because you hope that things will change and someday you will have the relationship with him you have been hoping for. Your husband has a problem, and because he is your husband it is your problem too. Have the two of you talked about this, I mean talk, not argue. Have you asked him why it is he tells you he loves you and cannot seem to remain faithful? Suggest counseling and get down to the bottom of why he seeks out other women and any issues you may have. You can't say you've tried until you've tried everything.
2006-10-31 05:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he WANTED to stop he would. Obviously HE doesn't love you or else he would understand the hurt he has put you through. I doubt if what you feel for him is actual "love" or more that you don't know anything else and you feel "secure" to a point. You have two children, they are going to grow up hearing whispers about their father's infedelity towards you, do you really think it is doing them any good? Your husband is not only cheating on you but his children as well. There is a saying "The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother" He so obviously does not love you...what is he giving his children?
2006-10-31 05:58:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO, been there , done that. had 3 kids he cheated until I divorced him. 16 years I spent with that loser. once a cheater always a cheater. its like they get free reign when you take them back.
stayed for the children who are now adults, they tell me I should have left him a lot sooner. I was also physically and emotionally abused by him.
self esteem is a big help. find some and good luck to you and your kids.
2006-10-31 05:54:55 · answer #7 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have lived that story too. I promise you that it does not stop. Like I did, you are living in a fantasy world where he will one day come home and figure out that you are the only one for him. Trust me, he will ALWAYS be looking for greener pastures with some one else. Get out now and make a life for yourself with a man who will cherish YOU and quit wasting your life on this loser who obviously has no respect for you.
2006-10-31 06:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are a fool for punishment,dump his cheating a** and move on,he not worth the pain and suffering you been going through.get a divorce and find someone who treats women with respect and don't cheat,once a chearter always a cheater,and will lie to your face while still doing it.
2006-10-31 05:52:08 · answer #9 · answered by davec4real_02 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is all a self esteem issue. You have to start doing things for you. Evidently he doesn't feel about you what your feeling with him so why try to beat a dead horse. The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.
2006-10-31 09:53:09 · answer #10 · answered by Ty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋