HE SWEARS THAT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HER AND THE REASON WHY IS BECAUSE HE THOUGHT ABOUT ME. I DON'T BELIEVE HIM. THE POINT IS HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND HE PUT HIM SELF IN A SITUATION A MARRIED MAN SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN IN. I CHOOSE TO FORGIVE HIM. HE SAID IT WOULDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN. NOW MY PROBLEM. I DON'T TRUST HIM AND I CAN'T SEEM TO FORGET ABOUT IT. HOW CAN I WORK TO GET OVER THIS AND MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES, WILL I EVER GET OVER IT WILL I EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN? I WANT IT TO WORK FOR THE SAKE OF OUR SEVEN MONTH OLD DAUGHTER.
2006-10-31 05:01:11 · 22 answers · asked by DISILLUSIONED 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You HAVE to get over it. You just have to make yourself trust him. I recently went throught the same thing. I kept going over it again and again in my head until I literally made myself sick. It almost ended my marriage. You can't dwell on it or it will never end. If you have to talk to a therapist. NOT a friend or relative. You need to talk to an unbiased person. If you'd like we can exchange email addresses and you can talk to me. (Not only have I experienced this, but I'm currently going to school to be a therapist.) There are things you need to consider... How did you find out? Has it happened before? Is he willing to do whatever you need of him to help you with your healing? I had to finally just let go and trust my husband. All I can do is keep my eyes open, and if it happens again, he's OUT!
2006-10-31 05:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by almostcrazee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he has stopped all contact with the other person then you should work on what motivated him to look elsewhere. By eliminating that you should be able to forgive him. If you keep harping on it and acting like he is doing you wrong all the time even when he isn't; then he will do what you fear most.
Keep this in mind too. Men fool around because of how they feel about themselves when they are with that other person and not because of how that person looks or is.
Given the fact that you recently had a child I am sure that you are tired and overwhelmed and showering the child with all of your energies. Sometimes, first time dads don't deal well with this even though that isn't an excuse to deviate from the marriage.
Try to trust your family members or a good friend to take care of the baby so that you and your husband can reconnect with each other.
If he is truly remorseful and you are willing to continue the relationship then you have everything to gain by putting forth a joint effort. Sometimes men can be so stupid and let their little head do their thinking.
2006-10-31 13:08:12 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not forgetting about it and moving on can be two different things.
First, you didn't say much about what he did. But step outside of the relationship and analyze the FACTS ONLY. Is he a jerk in other ways? Does he have the same spiritual feelings you do? (If you are on different pages there, that is a bigger problem than cheating.) Is he abusive physically or VERBALLY? And very important: Is he dishonest in other ways? Does he lie about little things, bigger things? Money? Women he goes to meetings with or bowling..whatever.
If he is a cheater, he's probably going to stay a cheater. PROBABLY. But if he is overall a very good, trustworthy person to his friends, family and you..that's a good sign he's a keeper. Perhaps it was this one thing. But if he lies to his friends, it's not good. He may be honest with you and a jerk to others..because you are his wife.
Lastly, can you get rid of dangerous activity? Some actions lend themselves to cheating. NOt always! But often. For example, does he go to bars without you? To Hooters? To parties? He shouldn't. And if he already does, will he feel like you are treating him like a child if you change the rules now?
2006-10-31 13:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by WriterMom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, in your mind, you could put yourself into his situation.
Imagine that you're you, in your relationship with your husband before he cheated. An attractive man starts paying you a lot of attention, acting like everything you say/do is just wonderful. Every time you see him, he's happy to see you. He truly thinks you're the cat's meow. Then you go home, to your husband, and real life sets in. He's not overcome with desire for you every time the two of you are together, because you've passed the infatuation point of hte relationship. You've settled in. You see the other man - it's exciting. You go home, it's humdrum. You really love your husband. He's the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with, and you still want to spend the rest of your life with him. But you've been in the same old rut for what seems like forever. And this handsome new guy wants you soooo bad. Youve got an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other shoulder and they're fighting eachother so bad. You very badly want to enjoy the newness and excitement of a temporary new relationship, but you know it would be the worst thing you could ever do to yourself or your husband. Oh, but it would be so good to be held and caressed like you're a goddess - like the way your husband used to do it. The angel and the devil are really fighting eachother pretty hard. One bad move on either one's part, and the other wins.
Does it really mean your husband didn't love and respect you when the devil won out? Does it really mean that he's a jerk who can't be faithful? Does it really mean that he thinks that other woman is a better catch than you are? Or did he just give in to his human nature?
2006-10-31 13:17:08 · answer #4 · answered by farmgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a daughter together so I wouldn't suggest just walking away - relationship counselling is the way to go - always keep your daughter in mind - try to deal with it together but if you can't get over it, or he does cheat, get out while your daughter is still young and most important, find a way to remain amicable for her sake. She needs a mum and dad regardless of whether they're together or not.
2006-10-31 13:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by Venus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is going to take time. It took me quite awhile to trust my husband again. Whether you believe what happened or not is besides the point, he still did something. You will never forget about it, you can only forgive him. Time is the only thing that will heal your heart. The trust comes back gradually, not all of a sudden. Just keep talking to him and try not to think about what happened in the past, only look forward. Good luck.
2006-10-31 13:11:37 · answer #6 · answered by DaRkViXeN 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, if you choose to forgive him that is great! That is the first step. Healing is the hard part. It takes time. And he has to realize it will take time as well. Everyone is different. Until you can trust him in your heart again, you will hurt and not trust him. It's not your fault it's his. He may get angry that you can't get over it yet, but that's too bad for him. It takes time. He caused it, so he has to suffer the consequences for his actions. And you are right, he never should have put himself in that position to cheat. I'm sorry it happened, honey. Hang in there. But it's going to be hurtful for a long time.
2006-10-31 13:09:01 · answer #7 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first, you can't stay with someone for the sake of the children, it won't work. If mommy is unhappy, she'll know, and that will make her unhappy.
second, the trust is gone. If you want to move on, great, forgive him, but at the same time allow him to rebuild the trust.
thirdly, if you are having trouble getting past this, have you really forgiven him? can you really forgive him?
2006-10-31 13:11:21 · answer #8 · answered by T W 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i'm a man fisrt off, and i don't think you will ever forget it ,, but you should try to get over it . my wife cheated on me , i divorced her, but have since remarried her . i still have times i don't trust her . but i want to work it out as well for the kids. i could have let her go because i had custody of kids. and i could have moved on . but i wanted our kids to be raised in a family enviorment. so far so good . start comunicating more and try to be truthful about every little thing . and just try to forget it untill you have strong reason not too. and try not to ever throw it out their in a fight or heat of the moment .. i still working on it myself ,,,good luck
2006-10-31 13:19:48 · answer #9 · answered by Rooster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOW CAN YOU FORGIVE SOMEBODY IF YOU CANT FOR GET YES HE SLEEPT WITH THE WOMAN HE SHOULD JUST TELL YOU THE TRUTH THERE IS NO SUCH THING I STARTED AND I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU THE LIES MENS TELL AND US WEAK WOMENS BELIEVE THE TIME HE WILL SAY YOU MADE HIM BECAUSE YOU DIDNT BELIEVE HIM THE FIRST TIME, DONT LIE ON YOUR 7 MONTH OLD CHILD SHE DOES NOT KNOW OF THE PROBLEM SHES TO YOUNG, YOU ARE THERE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE THERE, AS SURE AS JESUS DIED ON THE CROSS HE WILL DO IT AGAIN
2006-10-31 13:16:49 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋