Please help me....Feeling overwhelmed?

Question

I am a mother of 3 boys, 17,3 and 2. My husband expects me to have a full-time job outside the house, take care of the house(bills,cleaning,laundry,cooking ect.),our 3yr olds home-base head start and one day a week classes at the center, all the doctors appointments for the 3 kids, sex when he wants it, even if i am exhausted and the list goes on,, I had a full-time night job but I couldn't sleep but 2-3 hours after I got off work till the kids got up, so after 7 weeks I had to quit, now he seems edgy and moody, he won't talk to me he just keeps telling me we'll make it and storms off. I feel like i am going crazy,, the kids today are driving me batty,,, all i seem to do is yell and hit the walls and cry,,,, someone please tell me what i am doing wrong.. Being a mom was never this hard why is it now,, I raised one son already it shouldn't be any different...

Answer 1

Raising 1 son is one thing, but now you are raising 2 small kids - which is 2x the work + your teenage son to boot. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and explain to him that you aren't super woman and can't do everything by yourself. If he wants you to work then you need to tell him he is going to have to pick up the slack with the kids/house. You shouldn't be running yourself ragged to please him - you need to be able to get a good night's sleep, be a good mom, and also a loving wife.

Answer 2

You may not expect to be hearing this from a man, . . . .but you need to sit dead beat down and have a little talk with him. If he won't talk to you, then write him a letter.
Give him two options:

1. Start acting like a real man and do his share with the whole family situation that you cannot and should not handle on your own,. . . . . . . .or,

2. Wind up in divorce court, with you getting the house, the kids, and a new life, and him ending up on the street, looking for some other good woman he can take advantage of and that will baby sit him and continue playing his mothers role.

Make no mistake about it, he is a baby, not a man.

Also call his mother and ask her if she wants her baby back, as you are sick and tired of baby sitting him and you are about to file for divorce and as she was the one who created this poor excuse for a man, you wanted to let her have first dibs before you kick his lazy, good for nothing a s s out on the street.

His actions are early warning signs of perhaps someone else in the picture when you were working nights, and now your quiting has thrown a monkey wrench in the works. Clear explanation why he is now edgy and moody, not talking to you.

And him saying, we'll make it, and storming off. . . . .wonder what he meant by that, I mean like who said you two were not making it?

Please do not interrupt any humor in this, I am serious, and if you do not take some action to save yourself, . . . . . . . you and your children lose, while the bum continues bumming.

There is a man out there who would appreciate you, love you and your wonderful children and be the kind of man your husband should have been, but just didn't quite have what it takes to be a REAL MAN.

Your children are good children, reacting to the tension they sense in the home.

Please remember, nothing ever stays the same, it either gets better, . . . . . . .or it gets worse.

The choice is yours, and as Dr. L used to say, now go do the right thing.

Darryl S.

Answer 3

Who said being a single parent was easy? I have 6 kids and 3 grandbabies. I say first tell your husband you are only one person. You were born a human with only two arms. If he pitches in that'll make 4, the 17 year-old if he still resides there would make 6. You not only teach you 3 year old you teach your 17 year old as well. How to cook, clean, help with laundry and or with the little ones. Your husband needs to know these things as well. Baby you need a break before you go back into the work field. My kids consisit of 5 boys one girl. My oldest 2 are 21 years of age. They were taught early to help with small things like picking up their toys and putting them up and to help each other. Wether it be a simple chore or homework. My next son is 19 years old. He too was rasied this way. My next son is 16 years old and the next is a girl who is 15 and then another son who is 14 years old. You know I would have been crazy with all those stairstep kids. Honey, please. All my boys know how to cook like women. I would leave for a doctors appt. and If they make it home and see things that needs to be done. When I get home all me and my husband has to do is relax. It paid off. I just think if you don't get a break soon your gonna pass out from lack of rest or your going to have a nervous breakdown. You have pushed your body to it's limit and if it gets tired enough and you don't give it enough proper rest your heart will go to sleep. It may wake back up and maybe not. Then what are they gonna do? God forbid you be like my sister who was only 32 when she was leaving church and started to back up and fell asleep that fast and hit a light poll. Thank God she woke up. 6 months later the she had the same thing happen while behind a wheel and this time she never woke up. She left 2 kids behind. But while she was living she wanted to give them everything. That's why she worked two jobs, stayed at church, and at their schools checking on their grades, or in the mall getting them the best clothes and shoes. That was 10 Years ago and all they have been wanting seen then is their MOTHER!!!!!! Take Time Out. The World Was Not Made In A Day. Good Luck and GOD BLESS!!!!!

Answer 4

Talk to your husband about your feelings, it is not good to hold it in. If he is unreceptive write a letter, provide a detailed list of your schedule, maybe he will get an idea of how much work you are doing in a day.
Leave for a day or two , let your older son and husband take care of the house and babies... let them get a glimpse of what life will be like without you.
Face it if you should have a nervous break down, or die what are they going to do? Live the best way they can.

You are an exceptional mother, but and what you are doing wrong is tending to everyone's need and neglecting yourself which can be detrimental to your health.

Put your foot down when you come back from your little break - it is a family thing. Let your husband know he needs to be more involved in his sons' lives, treat you like a wife not a slave, help out around the house and make your 17 year old help out too.

Take care of yourself because no one else will.

Answer 5

I am also a mother of three; three daughters that is,ages 6,3,and 9 months,and I,m only23 years old and I can say what you are going through,I am also going through.I have no time to eat healthy,limited sleep,I,m also on zoloft an anti-depressant,and xanex for when ever I feel I,m about to blow up.I go through several stressfull moments every day of my life. My three year old doesn't eat and shes always pushing down her baby sister,my nine month old is constantly wanting me to hold her.I can't get a damn thing done in the house. I can't even go to the bathroom in private. Sometimes I don't even get to take a shower. I always have aarons to run. I don't work out side the home.My husband works but he always leaves me on the weekends to go out with his "buddies". He always gets a break,but he doesn't realize that "MY JOB AS A MOTHER,never gets any kind of break.It's a constant 24/7 job,and I get so drained at the end of the day,and am also too tierd for sex like you.Yeah having already had children makes you think you can handle it but the more close in age they are the worse it gets.Tell me about it my nine month old is at my legs crying right this moment as a I type and the dryer is buzzing in the garage" come get the clothes". Gotta go .K.I.T.

Answer 6

Sounds like your husband needs to try and help a little. It is hard with a 3 and 2 year old and you need some help. Make him do the bills or handle the kids for one night to give you a break. If he refuses to help then you are better off without him. That would be one less person to take care of.

Answer 7

Oh my dear, I can relate to that! Being a DOMESTIC GODDESS is the hardest job on earth.I don't think your doing anything wrong, you just need some help at this time; perhaps?Communicate together about job issues or any other issues. Tell your thoughts and feelings 2GETHER.We all have to know where we stand in this complicated busy world. Just remember just because a signed paycheck every Friday floating into your hands doesn't come, the payoff will come in the future when you look at your boys and see what becomes of them and can tell yourself, "Yep I raised them, nutured them, taught them, cared for them,am there for them and best of all love them" Working at a daycare center for 4 years, made me feel fortunate to have been able to raise my children and know and learn from them what they like/don't like, there interests there willing to learn,there emotions, etc. I would see parents come in to pick up there kids after I had been caring for there kids for 10 hours and be rush, rush out the door and not giving even a few moments to absorb there childs day. Mine are now 11 and 15 and it is very quiet at home (when I am here ) and they are in school ( and I'm not getting the hands on experience of there day), I feel very lost (but peaceful) that I find myself turning on the music/TV loudly sometimes as to have the noise as when they are home, then by 4:00 when they are both home WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! YIKES, SIBLING RIVALRY!! You just do whatever you think works for your family. Trial and error method could help. Scheduling your day. 1-2hrs meal prep/planning, 2-3hrs. for cleaning/laundry, 1-2 hrs.play/active time with boys, 1hr. deskwork etc. You need ALONE TIME, have Hubby put boys to bed and read them a long story while you go take a nice hot bath with maybe lavender oil in it and relax without childrens voices (wear earplugs if need be). Perhaps all the timing of bath and storytime will work out for a little "somethin, somethin " for you and hubby after! Does you 17yr. old help with chores? I Can't get my 15 yr. old boy to do anything(My next question for answers).At 17 I would hope a son would help out his stressed mother,but I'm not one to speak on that. Good Day To Ya!!

Answer 8

You are trying to be "supermom." Those are some very BIG shoes to try and fill! Do you have anyone else that you know, perhaps a mother from head start, that you could share responsibilities with? Like for instance, can you guys carpool, one drive, one pick up? How about letting hubby know he gets to pick which he'd like to do, drive or pick up?

Perhaps your 17 year old could take the younger ones "out" one day a week to a nearby park for a couple of hours. You and hubby could have some quiet time then.

You need to learn how to delegate, prioritize and let go of the small stuff!

Your "family" should be acting like a "family" and pitching in. Perhaps you have an issue with control.... Your 17 yr. old can certainly pick up a pizza or bucket of chicken one night a week for dinner... so could hubby for that matter.

Your 2 & 3 year old can help you empty waste baskets, sort clothes for the laundry and help with setting/cleaning up the table... You have to learn to let go of the things that aren't important to live.

Maybe you have unrealistic expectations of yourself?!?!? Re-assess, take a good look at your life. One person cannot do it all!

On pizza night, you should arrange with a few neighbors, friends to spend the evening at one of their houses. You could each bring your favorite fast food of choice and just sit back and chill. You need this for your sanity.

Or, think about getting some neighbors together and cooking mass meals that can be divided and frozen for each family...

You have way too much on your plate!! I am amazed that you've lasted this long!! You need to do something, anything, to get out from under all this stress!!!

By the way, when was your last visit to the doctor's?? Perhaps his diagnosis might carry a little more weight with hubby when he says you have to have help.... If you don't look out for #1, who will?

Good luck..

Answer 9

What are you doing wrong? You're trying to conform to unrealistic demands, and it's tearing you apart.

If you won't fix this for yourself, how about for your kids? They are watching you and your husband, how you treat yourselves and each other, and that's where they're learning how to treat themselves and the world around them. Would you want your kids to grow up and live the life you're living, or treat someone else the way your husband is treating you? They're watching, they're listening - and they're seeing how you and your husband act, and resolve (or don't resolve) differences.

You aren't going crazy - you're living in a crazy situation, and it's stressful. It's time for counseling, hon - family counseling, if your husband will go, or by yourself if he won't.

Here's the thing - is this system working for you? If you're a stressed-out mess, you're not really available in a healthy way for your husband or kids. If your car was broken, would you take it to a mechanic? Same deal here - the system's broken and you need help to fix it.

If money's an issue, then check with your county or city mental health department for low-cost options. Please take care of yourself. There's a reason the airlines tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first in an emergency, THEN help others. If you don't start taking care of yourself, you won't be there for your kids. Good luck!

Answer 10

It isnt fair for him to think you can handle a FT job and then be a FT mom. Men sometimes have a tendency to think women should handle the household, which can be fine, but then want her to also handle a FT job to help with the bills is ridiculous. There are only so many hours in the day. He needs to either step up and help around the house, or maybe you can get a PT job instead. This is compromising. You dont wear a friggin cape. You can only do so much.