I take this woman out for coffee once in a while. I sometimes pay for her coffee. We don't really have 'deep' conversations and our coffee meetings are usually last-minute things. I have a picture of my girlfriend with me above my desk so I'm sure this woman has seen it.
I haven't told my girlfriend about the coffee outings but I didn't really think it's a big deal. I've heard some pretty crazy definitions of cheating. Would you honestly consider this cheating?
2006-10-31 04:07:54 · 31 answers · asked by Jesse D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why are you tempting your self for? Sometimes silence is the worst lie.
2006-10-31 04:12:01 · answer #1 · answered by Javy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think it may be cheating then it means you may have some guilty feelings about this.
Talk to both women. One tell your girlfriend that you are doing this and judge her reaction to see if she thinks its cheating. Keep it in perspective, it is only chat and coffee, Right.....?
Talk to the other lady and find out how she veiws it. If she thinks it's only coffee, then great. But does she veiw it as more....? Is she hoping it will lead to more?
I think coffee meetings can be innocent enough, but it's when the conversations linger, or cross lines that the girlfriend would not want to overhear you sharing with someone else that may bring scrutiny.
Use your own judgement. Do you feel guilty? Would the girlfriend approve? Are the conversations crossing ethical lines? Could someone else veiw this incorrectly and return it to the girlfriend? All kinds of things to consider.
2006-10-31 04:16:43 · answer #2 · answered by Buttercup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No this is not cheating. This is going out on a occasional date with a friend. But just to keep down confusion u should still tell your girlfriend. Oh and if you ever get the feeling that you are getting to close to u then u or she's developing feelings for u u let her know where you stand and that your girlfriend is more important to u and cheating on her or breaking up is not something you plan to do in the future.
2006-10-31 04:27:38 · answer #3 · answered by Sexy Caramel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe the definition of cheating is what the significant other thinks is cheating. If your girlfriend is bothered by it, then you should respect her wishes. Also, anything that puts you in a position of temptation at any given time or will lead to temptation can be considered cheating by some ( I also agree with this as my own motto)
I had a really great guy friend that I worked with who was engaged to be married. He and I went out once a week to lunch, we spoke of all things, deep and not so much. His girlfriend was a little threatened by our relationship and I had to be sensitive to that, so he had the two of us meet and I made a very hard effort to be nice to her include her in the conversations etc... even went as far as teasing her fiance to build rapport so she would feel more comfortable with me. After that, she had no problems with me eating lunch with him and working so close with him.
Point is, I would talk to your girlfriend, be honest with her and if she has issue with it, tell her that you'd like to introduce her to your friend so she can feel more comfortable with her. If this does not work out and she is even more wary, possibly heed warning and back away from this casual coffee encounter if you value your relationship with your girlfriend.
2006-10-31 04:18:26 · answer #4 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question I have is why can't you tell your girlfriend? If it is innocent telling your girlfriend that had coffee with a co worker or whomever she is shouldn't be a big thing unless deep down you want something more.
I wouldn't think it was cheating if you told me oh I had coffee with Joan today. But if you continually have coffee with Joan without telling me I'd think you were cheating regardless of how much you say it is innocent because to me if it was innocent you would be able to tell me.
2006-10-31 04:13:05 · answer #5 · answered by butterflykisses427 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no. It's not cheating because you did nothing with this woman. But the fact that you keep it secret from your girlfriend is cheating. Because deep down you're open to these being more than coffee.
2006-10-31 04:13:39 · answer #6 · answered by Big Momma Carnivore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it isn't cheating. But if you feel you have to hide these coffee meetings from your real partner, you are in trouble. Hiding it shows that you have some feeligns about this that might not be acceptable to your gf. Either tell her, or cut it off. If you can't tell her, cheating is just the next step in the process that started with this lie.
2006-10-31 04:11:16 · answer #7 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is to little information to make a ruling, so here are some yes/no situations...
If you are just friends with this other girl (with no present or future prospects) and you talk about everyday issues; politics, sports, weather, with her...then no, you are not cheating.
If you are speaking to only her about personal issues with your current girlfriend or you want to have future relations with her...then yes, you are cheating on her emotionally.
Emotionally cheating on a girl is almost or just as bad as physical cheating (depending on the emotional maturity of people involved). Not only are you betraying her trust on keeping your relationship between the two of you (and/or your counselor if you have one), but emotional cheating can lead up to physical cheating if you only wish to console with the other women.
Women crave not only physical attachment, but emotional. If you break that, it is very hard to get it back.
Best way to tell if you are cheating with someone else, ask yourself, do you feel guilty about doing it? Can you tell the other person about them without fearing reprocusions (as long as the other is not an abuser; if they are you deserve better anyway)?
2006-10-31 04:26:04 · answer #8 · answered by childjl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if her friends or family member seen you having a coffee with another woman what you think they would think of you? and then your girlfriend find out you think she will believe you nothing was going on if you never told her? so yes its consider cheating if yu cant tell her. but everyone else have different opinion to this and i respect that! in my point of view is when your in a serious relationship you dont go out with opposite sex because it can cause problem.
2006-10-31 04:27:11 · answer #9 · answered by kewlgurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt matter what WE think cheating is.. it matters if your girlfriend thinks thats cheating.. she may or may not. If she feels secure in your relationship, probably not. The fact that you dont tell her, makes it seem like you're trying to hide it.
If my husband took a co-worker out to coffee every once in a while, I wouldnt have a problem with it. If he purposely kept it from me I would wonder why.
2006-10-31 04:13:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its cheating, but with holding the truth from your girlfriend is lying...She would probably assume you were cheating if she or one of her friends saw you out on your coffee break. Just tell her so it doesn't cause problems.
2006-10-31 04:12:30 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋