My bf and me started dating back in january and i found out that he was still talking to a woman that he has used for sex twice and at first it didn't bother me because it was the beginning of our relationship i figured he would give her up on his own after we've been together for awhile but i ended up having to fight with him to get him to stop talking to her. Along with this he used to chat with all kinds of woman on his im his im list had over 100 names for yahoo a piece and he had two and most of them were exes or single woman. I gave him a chance to clean them out but there again i ended up having to fight with him to get rid of them. Is it normal for this to bother me. He says it shouldn't matter because he's giving it up now but knowing i had to fight with him and he wouldn't give it up without an arguement makes me feel bad.
2006-10-31 03:35:13 · 15 answers · asked by anon a 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes he's my bf he we live together he says he didn't talk to them as often as i thought and that it didn't matter because when he met me that he had no interest in them anymore that he considers them friends
2006-10-31 03:53:06 · update #1
I would watch him, he might just not understand why its wrong because he doesn't have bad intentions. OR he has cheating tendencies. Either way, see where things go. Ask him how he would feel if your places were switched and you were talking to guys online, and some guy you use to have sex with, I am sure he wouldn't like it. Maybe he needs coaxing to commit?
2006-10-31 03:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by Fran Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it should bother you. When you asked for him to give it up, and he said he would, then when he did it again he betrayed your trust. He obviously isn't ready to settle down with one woman. You don't want to always feel like you need to be checking up on him, and your trust is already damaged. It will be difficult to have a strong relationship with trust already and issue. However, there are times when it just takes someone to have an awakening of what they really have. You are the only one that can determine the effect of the earlier problems and whether his renewed sincerity is genuine.
2006-10-31 04:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by straightup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to have *some* contact with former dates/lovers/relationships. But to be preoccupied with it, and make a point of having them all on your IM list - IMO, it's a red flag. It seems to me that this guy is either a player, or else needs a constant external validation for his ego - neither of which bodes well for a long-term relationship. Sounds like you are picking up certain vibes that make you uncomfortable... I would proceed with caution. Your gut feeling is most likely correct.
2006-10-31 04:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the bigger question is, why are you tolerating this behaviour? Why are you allowing this man to have such control over you? And why should you have to fight with someone to get them to do something like give up their equivilant of a "little black book"? Come on now, you're a big girl, this has trouble written all over it. If he is doing things that hurt your feelings, or making you suspicious, he is not the one for you. Think about it, you already know where this is headed, why wait for the bus to run you over. RUN!
2006-10-31 03:55:12 · answer #4 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave. If he is talking, he is doing....sorry. Why would he talk to all of these women if it was all innocent. If he isn't now, how do you know it won't escalate into him meeting someone. He probably has a problem. You need to take care of #1. You don't need to be second place. Kick his *** to the curb and move on. There are plenty of men out there that want a nice girl to be with. Don't spend it with someone who doesn't care.
2006-10-31 03:43:00 · answer #5 · answered by kimmypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure he's your boyfriend? Or, are you just another on that list of playthings he has collected.
You have to decide if you want to be treated like that. You know what he's up to and if it causes fights, he is obviously passionate enough about it not to get rid of them for you. He doesn't value you enough. When it hurts more to stay in it that it does to leave... you'll leave.
2006-10-31 03:46:45 · answer #6 · answered by JustAskin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a player to me. He either can't let go or wont for fear that he needs to keep some contacts just in case you don't work out. Red flags. Call him on it and take your time with him. If he turns out legit, go for it, but proceed with caution until then.
2006-10-31 03:40:50 · answer #7 · answered by rock d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whats done is done. It would have been nice if he would have done this on his own, but it did take a push from you. Look at it this way, he could have flat out refused, but he didn't. Move on, it isn't worth it.
2006-10-31 03:39:16 · answer #8 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated someone the same way and he end up leaving me for someone he was just friends with...don't trust him....some men just have cheating hearts. Free yourself and find another who will be true to you.
2006-10-31 03:38:46 · answer #9 · answered by Lovely B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to get lost - if you alone are not enough to keep his attention, then he is not worth it. Sounds like he has plenty of growing up to do
2006-10-31 03:39:43 · answer #10 · answered by ♫kanis.lupus♫ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋