why is marriage sooo hard?

Question

How many married couples go through a big fight or disagreements, or can't see eye to eye with their mates?

How many times are u supposed to go through these times?
I thought as time goes on you learn how to deal with each other and it gets easier.

It just seems like it's getting harder.

Answer 1

You go through this as many times as it takes. I guess. I have been married for 15 years and we just started to settle a matter. So I guess if you have stop having disagreements your love is dead.
Sometimes I am right there with you.......and yes I have felt at times it does get harder.
Try to always be his friend first. Talk to him in the same way you would your friend. It makes our life a bit easier. Treat him and react to him the way you would want from him.
Sometimes I think we forget to be nice to each other. That makes it hard. So try really hard to not come home and kick the hubby :-)
Wish I could tell you it gets easier but for me it hasn't. You have to WANT it to work all the time.

Answer 2

Look, I have been married to the same man for a little over 10 years. We still fight, and of course we have major ones. Just because you are together for a long time, does not mean that everything stays the same. The world constantly changes and it changes you while it goes on. You will never run into all situations, but you will run into some, each one could cause a fight (argument) not always though. Marriage is constant work, it is not always 50/50. This balance changes, sometimes daily. There is a lot of work involved and sometimes it is hard.

Answer 3

You must start by accepting/acknowledging three facts:

Fact one: all married couples have disagreements.

Nature of the game and some of it is gender based. We men see things differently than the women, and where there are two viewpoints, their will be disagreements.

Fact two: this disagreement won't always be pretty because we are human and even in a great relationship someone is going to have a bad day. AKA there aren't any perfect people in perfect couples out there. Angry moments will happen to the best of us.

Now then, given fact one and fact two, fact three is simple:

when people disagree they can choose to do so in a civil, loving manner, or choose to disagree in a manner that causes damage.
So if it is getting harder, I can guarantee that either your spouse, yourself, or both are getting out the emotional boxing gloves when disagreements happen and pummeling on one another. You know what? we humans get tired of getting verbally thwacked for no good reason -- called names, treated like we are stupid idjits, etc. and those types of behaviors will wear down and destroy even the most loving relationships over time. [It is not loving for one spouse to stay in a bad relationship getting verbally or otherwise punished all the time, by the way.]

Which needs to the next choice you and your mate will have to make: for both people to be committed to (re)learn how to disagree with love and respect, or for the relationship to end.

A suggestion for you to look at for some immediate learning and healing is to do a web search for "reflective listening" and see if you can find information on how to use this powerful technique as a listening tool which will cut down on the number of times you and your spouse don't see eye to eye.

Answer 4

Honey, as long as you both shall breathe. :)

Marriage is hard work and it takes 2 committed people to make it work. You both have 2 different ways of thinking and seeing life. Different opinions and different personalities. I think marriage is a give and take. There are some issues that I decide just not to go there. I pick and choose my battles. If not, we would constantly be at war. You have to just agree to disagree sometimes. My hubby and I decided that no matter what our differences and conflicts are, at the end of the day, we just forget about it and move on. It's not worth it sometimes. Learn to appreciate those differences because you'll see that those differences are what brings balance.

It would be a boring life if we were all the same.

Answer 5

Married life is hard because you are combining two different people with different views. Maybe simular thoughts and feelings but somthing must be different, the way I see it is married life is to be with someone and understand their way of life and have them understand yours to combine them into a family to raise good kids. Fights will always happen somtimes more often than you want them to but you fix the problem and move on to the next one, so that when you're old and gray the only thing left to fight about is the color of the sky.! You live and learn and married life is a stepping stone, Dont get discouraged TODAY IS MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY and last night my husband and I had a huge argument about nothing, today we love eachother more than ever! God bless you and your family!

Answer 6

marriage is like a job if some one dose not do the work there will not be a pay check at the end of the week . in your job you to are both the boss and one need to see the good side and the other need to see the bad side thing is that you need to compromise that were most problem Begin.. it you like one person is got one way of doing thing and the other does not what you do is try both and see which one work in your family.. then your disagreement will be solved .. good luck

Answer 7

There is always gonna be disagreements you are your own person and your husband is his own person. Its only a matter of how long do you hold onto it. I disagree with my spouse all the time but five minutes later I drop and we never say anything to each other harsh or really mean because that is what causes one to hold on to the drama.

Answer 8

Marriage is not a cake walk, and you will not always see eye to eye. You may have to learn to pick your battles, or to agree to disagree. My husband and I have our arguments, as does every other couple in the world. But, one thing remains true for us, and that's that we love each other very much. That pulls us through our hard times. You have to go back and find that love. :) Good luck!

Answer 9

Who say's marriage would be easy? My grandparents use to say.... Marriage is not something like a hot rice...that you would just scoop and swallow and if your tongue burns...you could just spit it out... or perhaps drop it like hot potatoes... Marriage is not for the young or the old but for the wise who is willing to sacrifice... Marriage is filled with sacrifice. So you need all the bonding and loving to keep it working like it was before. it's just a matter of counting your blessing and keeping those years like gems so precious you just can't throw them away or give up. And that each year that pass and you've survive keep like a stipe or badge you could be proud-of and not count all the bad gather the grudges and rant with every troubles... Smile not everybody reach and passes the 7 year itch... You are already on your ninth year treasure it and be happy....

Answer 10

Yes, Satan is working against marriage the hardest becuaes he knows the Lord is the one who ordained marriage. He did so becuase marriage can give you the greatest joy in this life.

So... of course Satan will try and destroy the greatest experience of joy thru trying to ruin it.

I dont know your faith but I do KNOW that you can't have a marriage without the Lord. It takes three..

Marriage is suppose to be hard at times, its where you grow into one. Its where the greatest learning takes place. You have to be committed and look at it thru an eternal perspective to really endure it thru those times.