My Mother in law is ruining my marriage?

Question

Hello i have been married for about 4 months and my mother inlaw is living with us.she doesnt work so she spends all day watching her soap's in the living room so on my day off i cant watch tv in my own home!! i have to go to my room and watch tv there. I cant even study bacuse i want to study in the dinning room wich is in the same room as the living room. She will tell me mean things like: oh your marriage is not going to last, or she will ignore me. I feel so sad and depressed and whats worse is that my husband is the only son, and i have tried telling him how I feel about his mom but he will get mad. She even told me that if I ever said anything bad about her to her son he would leave me. I love him so much but what can i do???

Well she's living with us because he is the only son he has no brothers or sisters and well she has basically been his father & mother for him. Right now hes 34 years old, Im 23. I understand how important a mother is and the respect they deserve, but im trully going Crazy I feel soooo depressed about this specially because I tried talking to my husband about this and he got all mad.

Answer 1

Speak to your husband about his mom's rude behavior. If he listen and understand then the problem will be solved. If he refuses and take her side then I would ask him to ask his mother to leave.
Scriptually the bible says that a man should LEAVE his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. It didn't say to bring the parents with you.

Answer 2

You are in a terrible situation. You need to make your husband choose between his wife (you) or his mother. I can guarantee she will not die if he chooses you, but she might be very angry instead. I have heard mothers say these things before about how they will die if something doesn't go their way. My ex husbands mother was going to have a heart attack and die if he married me. Well, so far she has survived our getting married, our getting divorced and him getting remarried in which she used the same story again about having a heart attack if he remarries. What a surprise! She is still alive and didn't even have one single heart attack through all of that! In fact her health stayed quite well and it has been 13 years now. Here is how it goes. Unless your husband stands up to momma and gets away from her bullying, you are always going to take a back seat to her. Do you want to be second best in his life? This sounds bad but sometime the death of momma can bring some relief to the marriage, but not always. If he was very close to momma, he will always try and blame you for her death when that day comes. It will always be your fault that poor old sweet momma died because he was married to you and that's what killed her. This doesn't always happen like this though, just in some cases and usually the man has issues to begin with. Most men would be sad to see momma die but feel a sense of freedom. This is a sad if it has to be like that to have freedom though. That mother in law needs to be told in a very firm voice by her son that she needs to stay out of his marriage and worry about her own life. If he cannot do this then you will have a very long life of heartache and misery as long as she sticks around. Maybe you could suddenly get a job across the country, very far from her to where she would be forced out of your immediate lives and only gets visits once in a great while. Another idea, if his mother is not married, casually find her a nice man and introduce them. You could do it very secretly by meeting the man first yourself and then letting them meet by accident. I think you know what I mean. Once someone is in a relationship, nothing else usually matters.

Answer 3

That soooo sucks.She sounds like a jelous ex or something. Touchy subject with the husband though, I know men can be sensative about the moms. I am not too sure how you should approach that if he is super sensative about his mom. Maybe tell him that you are really tring, but finding it hard with her living with you guys, and you understand that she is here now, and accept that, but he needs to come up with some sort of a plan on when she is too leave. Choose your words wisely though, wording will be crutial for this conversation as to not get him on the defensive. Maybe go out for dinner or something with your husband, and be away and alone when you talk about it. Use the angle, I miss slone time with us. Oh, and just to get the monster in law back for some of the digs, be realy loud when you have sex..... she can't say anything, but it will piss her off! lol, you can have a little fun too!


I read the above post, and she is right in her preception of what going on, but if you bring it to your husband is suck a manner, he will see it as a attack against her, and be defensive, try not to make this into a arguement thing, because if it somes down to a ultimadom, or he has to "choose" it will be brought up later,a nd thrown in your face for years, trust me!

Answer 4

Why is she living with you? That was the main mistake that started it. I suggest that you find a way to get her out of your home. Tell your husband that your life can't go on like it is and you need to have his mom out of your home. A newly married couple cannot have an in-law living with them at this stage of their lives. I also suggest that if your husband won't move his mom out, then you find a professional counselor or pastor of a Bible believing church who will help you cope with the situation. Also ask your husband this -- What is he going to do if a baby comes along? Is his dear mom going to help with the baby, or will there even be room for a baby if one came? He also needs to grow up and cut the strings to his mom, be a man and take responsibility for his family, which is you right now. There is no way a healthy relationship can be maintained with an in-law living in before you have had the chance to grow seasoned as a couple.

Answer 5

You really need to sit down and talk with him, dont let him brush your feelings off to the side.

You can tell him that I need to talk to you about your mom without you getting upset. Sit down adn talk, don't get negative or say anything bad. Just let him know exactly how you feel.

( example: I feel upset that I cannot focus on my homework because there are distractions while I am trying to study)

He should be able to see your point of view and try to discuss things with his mother. If he refuses then offer an alternative of going to couples counsling. Once again if he refuses it may be time to rethink the marriage.

Two people in a committed relationship should be able to communicate open and honestly about there feelings, also they both should be able to compromise with each other. If two people cant do either of these things the relationship is not going to work out.

Answer 6

If I shall call you my lady, this is a no winner battle ground. I can feel that you want to preserve your marriage and you want your husband to listen to you and act on it.

I'm not going to tell you about who is right or wrong, but this situation needs lots of resolution. The best solution will be for your mother in law to compromise with you, but if she is a selfish person, then compromising is out of the table. Obviouslly, your husband does not want to hurt his mother's feeling, so staying silent is the best option. Most men feel that they owe so much to their mothers and there is nothing that can come between that special bondage. Not even a wife. ( sorry it is reality)

To achieve the peace you want between you and your mother in law, you must try to become a good actress. If you have to study, go to the library or coffee shop, Wendys etc..( besides you will just be distracted if you're trying to study and she's watching TV); When you're off from work, try to invite your mother in law for a dinner, movie, or even small gift.

Believe me my lady!! every human has a heart and you can crack the code of her heart, therefore a pleasant relationship for your entire family.

Answer 7

why is she living with you in the first place? I think she either needs to get her own place, or atleast get a tv in her room so she isnt hogging the entire house. Tell your husband that its time to pick between you and her. After all he isnt married to her. Tell him the mean things she says and tell him if he cared about you and your marriage to him at all, he'd stand up to her. Im sure she isnt thrilled that her baby has another woman in his life and chances are if she succeeds in pushing you away, she'll do it to every woman he ever has in his life. She's manipulating him but he cant see it.

If he wont stand up to her you're going to have to. Ask her what her issues are with you and why she thinks she can treat you this way in your own home. Also tell her that shes going to have to cut the cord sometime, and even if she succeeds in getting rid of you, he'll just find someone else that she wont approve of either, but no matter what she does she isnt going to stop him from being in a relationship. He's an adult and its time she realized that.

Answer 8

You first need to talk to you husband rationally and clearly state your concerns. Write them down if that will help. Your concerns are valid.

2nd, you need to deal with your mother in law also. She needs to respect you and only you can make that happen with her. If she knows she can push you around she won't feel that you are good for her son. She may want you to stand up for yourself and that's why she pushes your buttons.

If she truly cared for her son, she'd want him to have a wife who will love him and care for him. No real mother wants her son to be alone and sad.

Answer 9

Baby girl, I feel for you.

Take a stand. IT IS YOUR HOME, NOT HERS!! If you need to study, tell her that you need to do so and ask her to kindly go somewhere else. If she tries to tell you no, don't let her!! Tell her that this is your house, and that you have the right to study wherever you please. Unplug the TV.

Tell her to get a TV for her room so she can watch her soaps in there.

If your husband will not take a stand for you, tell him that he needs to. Tell him that you are his WIFE, and he vowed to love, cherish and RESPECT you.

Answer 10

I would sit her down (oh, she already is!) and tell her what the rules are going to be and that you are not afraid of losing your husband, if anything, she will be the one losing him. She needs to understand that is YOUR HOUSE, NOT HERS !