Gender differences in "mating"?

Question

Hi,
I'm writing a paper for my social psych class and I'm trying to get information on human mating rituals. That's the non psychological term for it. I'd like real answers from real people. What do men look for in women? What do women look for in men? And why are there such differences? If you want to answer based on your own opinion that would be great, if you have some facts that you'd like to share also great. Anything would help. Thanks.

Answer 1

i think a big part of relationships, and the problems that ppl have with them, is this:

when women begin a relationship, they'll deal with a guy's flaws thinking they can fix them later. when men start a relationship, they're trying to be on best behavior, and figure that later they can relax and their woman will be ok with it.

so, a man starts things off with his behavior at man level 10, and a woman's expectations are at woman level 5 or so. then, gradually over time, he lets things drop a little because he's been on his best behavior and needs a break, and thinks he's proven himself to her. BUT, over time, she wants him to change to be her "Dream Man" (which might not exist btw) so instead of expecting a woman 5 from him, she wants what she thinks is a woman level 10 behavior (to most men, thats really like a man level 15, sometimes women have unreasonable expectations).

and thats why couples start to hate each other after a moderate length of time.

the trick to picking the perfect mate is to find that one special someone who'll drain your soul at the slowest possible rate, so that by the time its totally gone you're 85 years old or so, and dont need it any more.

lol, actually, i'm in a very happy relationship that i've been in for 5 years. i look for a woman thats not materialistic. my girlfriend is just as happy when i buy her ice cream as she is when i get her a diamond ring. well.... almost. lol. but we're just as happy sitting home and playing tetris together as we are if i take her out to eat or something. as long as she's supportive of me in what i do, and we love each other, i'm happy. i think she likes that i'm a good provider (but someday she'll end up making more than me, i'm pretty sure) i'm good with kids, and i'm a clean living guy (no drinking or drugs for me, i dont even drink coffee). so, as long as we both are happy and healthy, things are good!

Answer 2

In my psychology of personality class I took last semester we talked about biological explanation of gender differences (though I don't think it has been scientifically proven). One explanation of why sex is always on a males brain was one guy can impregnate many women but a women can only be pregnant every nine months (I know pretty obvious). But this might give an answer to why men always seem to be so horny.

good luck on your paper! Social psych is not my thing I'm more of a cognitive person, so I hope this helped in some way.

Answer 3

I can't speak for what all men are looking for in a woman, but I can tell you what I look for:

- intellect (if there's nothing going on above the eyebrows, I'm not interested at all, no matter how cute she is)

- nice personality

- a similar sense of humor

- looks (in my case, big chest [C cup or bigger], big butt, short, preferably less than 5' 4", light brown skin [I prefer light skinned Black or brown skinned Hispanic women], long hair, slim to medium build - but I will date heavy girls in some cases, if they're well proportioned [chest must be bigger than stomach])

- ambition (I like girls that want to do something with their life - especially girls that have creative ambitions - actors, singers, fashion designers ect..)

Answer 4

I think what men look for in women differ from time to time.When I was 20 I wasn't looking to settle down so what I wanted from a woman was a little different.I wanted someone who was spontaneous good looking great body and personality didn't matter so much.When I was ready to settle down (at 30) I looked for someone who would be a good mother, level headed, and had the same long term goals in life as I did(luckily I found her) so I really think it matters what stage you are in life that defines what you look for in a mate.

Answer 5

I look for the gentlewomen. I have always excepted a gal for who she relay is.If she acts like a lady I treat her as one, if acts like a child, I walk a way! However If you know a gentlewomen with fire red-hair, gray,or hazel eyes 5ft 10 135# between the age of 30 to 45 do let me know

Answer 6

1. The bare bones of sociobiology

Social psychology will generally give a nod at sociobiological theory, which suggests that we do everything to pass on our genes. They would argue that women look for financial stability and love, while men look for attractiveness and loyalty. This supposedly because women want a man who will be able to support her children, ensuring they survive and her genes are passed on, and be devoted to her so that his financial support will go to *her*, not someone else - while men will want a healthy, fertile spouse who won't raise someone else's kids and trick him into supporting them.

2. Why sociobiology is an inadequate explanation

There are a lot of problems with this theory, but the biggest problem is that it totally ignores how we "socialize the biological". For example, take eye contact. Back in the "cave man" days, it would make good anthropological sense to avoid eye contact with strangers, because it was seen as a threat or fight for dominance. However, we've evolved so that we (hopefully!) won't slaughter someone because of eye contact. So why do we still avert eye contact with strangers? Is it natural?

My answer is no, it isn't natural, and I think proof of this is little kids. They stare at everything! They don't shy away from eye contact. So what we've done is taught them "It's rude to stare!" and socialized something that was once probably biological.

3. What this has to do with mating preference / interpersonal attraction theory

Well, we do the same thing now when it comes to gender differences. So let's say women look for more love-oriented traits in their partners, and men look for more appearance-related traits. Is it natural/biological, from our gene-spreading pasts?

Or is it because women are raised with the idea of "one true love" and "happily ever after" and "the kiss of true love" and "my dream wedding" and other love-oriented stuff, whereas men are raised with idea of "she's got a hot body", "what a beautiful girl" and so forth? Look at TV geared to boys versus TV geared to girls, and you'll see that boys are raised to view relationships sexually and girls are raised to view them romantically. Is that natural? No, it's been socialized. (That said, it's biologically natural to go through the process of socialization...)

4. My greater grudge at using evolutionary theories to explain everything/anything

I also have a grudge against "evolutionary" theories because they are impossible to falsify...meaning, you can take virtually any behaviour and come up with an explanation of how it might be evolutionary, and yet it can't be disproven. For example, it might be evolutionary to have war, because it maintains a social order, tightens national identity (in-group strength) and promotes survival thinking. On the other hand, it might be evolutionary to have peace, because it encourages cooperation and life of the species. So which is right?

5. A note about diversity

I know I have unusual tastes in men. Different ethnicities have different standards. Different sexual orientations have different standards - what about gay people? What about thirteen-year-olds versus forty-year-olds? What about people in a lower socioeconomic status? You can't assume you are dealing with a white, middle-class, twenty-year-old straight population unless you specify it's what you want. These things make a difference! You can't just ask about "men" and "women" as though they're all the same or your prof will smash your head in. Seriously!

6. So, finally...

I think that in general, societies form ideas about what is valuable and what isn't. In particular, I think that patriarchal, heterosexual values often get put forward in Western society, which would explain why women often appreciate a man who "treats her like a princess" and men often don't mind a "lady in the street, but a freak in the bed".

Beyond that, however, what people want seems similar. Here's an abstract of a psych. study that discusses this:

"The present investigation examined the degree to which various characteristics are desired in five types of relational partners. Men and women (N = 700) indicated their preferences for several attributes in either a casual sex partner, dating partner, marriage partner, same-sex friend, or opposite-sex friend (randomly assigned). Participants also indicated how important it was to obtain a partner with the desired level of each attribute.

Although participants most preferred warmth and kindness, expressivity and openness, and a good sense of humor across relationship types, they clearly distinguished between romantic/sexual relationships and friendships.

Specifically, participants preferred (and felt that it was more important to obtain) higher levels of many desirable characteristics - including physical attractiveness, social status attributes, and disposition or personality traits (e.g., warmth, expressiveness, humor, intelligence) - in a romantic/sexual partner than in a friend.

Participants also differentiated between same-sex and opposite-sex friend- ships. In general, they preferred higher levels of and/or believed it was more important to obtain physical attractive- ness, social status, and dispositional/personality attributes from opposite-sex friends than from same-sex friends.

To at least some degree, men's preferences were associated with the number of others they believed were available for a particular type of relationship; women's preferences generally were associated with perceptions of their own desirability as a partner."

I know this probably wasn't the best answer, but I'm a huge dork for psychology and I wanted to get it off my chest. Good luck, and happy researching!!