my boyfirend recently told me in his own words that he gets envious of my little boy when i show him attention. he hates it when i get up durin a movie to make him a drink etc I love my boyfriend but i love my son more.. and he said that i was outta order for that. i told him my boy was my number one priority and now he says im just numbering the members in this relationship. which im not. am i wrong or is he? what can i do to make him see my view because everytime we discuss our feelings - mine dont seem important to him. I have been a lone parent for 2 years so of coarse i love my son more than anything in this world? Right mums or dads?
2006-10-31 02:28:54 · 35 answers · asked by happyglitterthatrocks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ive been through exactly the same thing!I met a guy after being alone for 3 years and he said the same thing to me our relationship eventually fell apart because of this. You have to be really careful with this because his feelings will without even him knowing it rub off on your son. My son picked up my exes vibes straight away and it really did affect him, he became very insecure and lost his confidence. I understand that you feel torn between the two and unfortunately there is no easy solution. Your boyfriend sounds like he may be a bit immature just like mine was if he cant understand your committment as a mother and respect you for that then he isnt the right guy for you. I hate to say it but this will escalate, with my relationship my then boyfriend eventually despite my efforts to get them to bond etc became hostile towards my son and that destroyed my son. I understand that you love him but as you say you love your son more.And you shouldnt let him make you feel bad for that ever..
you are in no way in the wrong there is nothing more natural in the world than a mother loving her children.
I really think by reading your story and from my very similar experience that this guy is not the one for you in terms of a serious relationship.He just isnt mature enough to deal with the fact he is not the centre of your world I dont think it matters how hard you try he wont see your point of view or consider yours or your child's feelings as he is too self absorbed. I dont mean to be harsh but like I say Ive been there and now wish I had told him to leave the second I realised he was jealous of an innocent child instead of making me and my child desperately unhappy just to try and please him for months on end.
I think you should move on to more mature understanding guys who respect you and every part of your life including your committment as a mother.
I really hope you work it out take care
2006-10-31 02:59:03 · answer #1 · answered by jo m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly what u mean! my son was just over 1 yr old when i got together with my new bloke. at first i thought he was jealous of the attention i gave 2 my son but as time has gone on they've bonded. we also had a long talk, he understands that my son will always come first. also i think u should point out 2 him that u love them equally but differently. i love my man and my kids the same amount but it's a different kind of love. with the kids it's a motherly nurturing love but thats not the kind of love u have 4 ur boyfriend is it? once he knew it wasnt a contest 4 my love they got on really well, my son is now nearly 3 and we also have a 9 month old son together too.
things can work out, explain things in a way that wont make him feel threatened and if he's still jealous then he's the 1 thats out of order. u've done exactly the right thing! stick 2 ur guns hun!
2006-10-31 02:45:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OF COURSE YOUR LITTLE BOY IS NUMBER 1 PRIORITY I understand you cause I have a 2 year old son and Im an alone mom too. If he keeps on with his jealousy your going to have to let him go because he will start taking it out on your son. If he doesent care about your son and if he is going to be in competition with him you dont need a guy like that in your life. You need a guy who will try to be a father to him and treat him like his own not like his competition for your attention. I seriously think you should sit down and talk to him and let him know how you feel if he doesent stop it will be over between you two make it clear he will NEVER be more impotant than your son so either he changes or he is gone. Goodluck I know you'll do the right thing you seem like a really good mom :)
2006-10-31 02:35:42 · answer #3 · answered by lola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Knee jerk reaction...tell him to get out or you'll run him over with your car.
Reality: You are a mother. You are a mother. You are a mother.
Reality: You are not an individual person anymore. When you choose to be a parent. You loose a part of yourself. It is a challenge just to get other people to realize you have a name other than " so and so's Mom". Even though the cord was cut, the heart strings were not. You know in your heart that you cannot allow this..."man" (and I'm not so sure this term really fits) to under mind you as a parent. You know what has to come. As a parent you set the example and make the sacrifices. It hurts. It sucks. It is so worth it. As a mother you know you will never allow him to make your child feel unloved or unwanted. That is why you asked for answers that you already have.
2006-10-31 02:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by soccermomw3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For 3yrs now, I've been a widowed single mother. My son is 7. I know what you mean when you say that your son is your 1st priority. But if you say that, and mean that, you need to act upon it. I give your boyfriend points for being honest and I don't think he's a bad person. He could be the type to tolerate your son to be with you. People like that end up being abusers. But AS SOON as your boyfriend admitted to being jealous of your son, you should've reaffirmed to him that you are a mom 1st- there is no exception to that. If he has issues with that, you need to end that relationship. Your ultimate goal, if you seek a long term relationship, should be to be with someone who accepts your son. You can't really afford to just have boyfriends if you bring them around your son because each boyfriend is an example of how much mommy gets around. The older your son gets, the worse this will look to him. At the same time, you have to insure that your needs of having a man around suits the need to your son's well- being. So although, you can't have boyfriend after boyfriend.. you can't settle for just anybody to have a boyfriend.
One important thing to remember is that you shouldn't have to explain your level of responsibility to another adult. Your boyfriend has no maturity. If he doesn't develop it, and quickly, you need to rethink your relationship. Actually, you should be rethinking it right now- based on what's already happened. But if your boyfriend's way of thinking doesn't change, it would be best to get out of the relationship.
2006-10-31 02:46:01 · answer #5 · answered by Honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him If he is gonna make you choose between him and your son he will loose and if your son will make you choose between him and your BF then your son will loose. Tell him the relationship you have with your son is totally different to the relationship you have with him eg you dont have sex with your son. But you have to take care of your son that is the Job of the mother and when he wants a drink while you watch tv then its your job to get him one.
Ask him how he would have liked it if his mother stopped caring for him just cause her BF wasn't mature enough to know that a child needs to be cared for.
You must never choose some guy who may or may not be there with you in the future over your son.
Its hard to be a single mother but you seem to have your priorities in order.
You are right and he is out of order ask him if he wants you to be his mother too. And does he have any right to tell you how to be raising your son??? I don't see a ring that belongs to him on your finger. Honestly how do you go about being jealous of a two year old.
2006-10-31 02:44:33 · answer #6 · answered by Chillypepers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SERIOUSLY DUMP HIM.....trust me...i have a 4month old son...and anyone how has a heart knows that a mothers child or children come FIRST!!!! This guy is a jerk if he's getting jealous of a baby.Who knows what could happen if you continue to let this man around your child...there are too many cases of child abuse and DEATH because of this very same reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can find someone to make you and your son very happy.....I never thought it would happen to me and I met the greatest guy in the world who treats me and my son with the greatest love ever imaginable.You can find that too so don't settle for less.....look at what you could be missing!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-31 03:10:07 · answer #7 · answered by lil_sweetnothings7806 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask your boyfriend to put himself in your little boys shoes. If his mother chose someone over him, would he like that. He is someones son too and he should know that when you are a small child you love and Cherish your mother especially when there is no father involved. Sounds like he needs to quit being so selfish there is plenty of you to go around and if he cannot respect your time and efforts towards your child, then maybe he is not the man for you.
2006-10-31 02:41:15 · answer #8 · answered by Kendra J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son should and always will be your number 1 priority. If he can't accept that then he should move on. It's so immature to be jealous of a young child. If your feelings aren't important to your b/f now, what makes you think they will be any time soon? I'd dump him, pretty damn quick (I'm a single mum too btw).
2006-10-31 02:39:11 · answer #9 · answered by F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are completely right! You son if your body and flesh! Of course you are going to love him more. Get out of the relationship w/ that guy... what kind of person, doesn't understand that? You obviously have to pay attention to your son, more than anyone else... please know that you are not wrong and if you talk to him about it and he won't understand, then the guy is not worth it. There is no way he is going to change and he might not even treat your son right.
2006-10-31 02:33:06 · answer #10 · answered by Kiki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋