I met a guy when he was married. We were friends. He moved out of his home,, away from the wife and three kids, 6 months ago. He still attends church with the wife and kids, gave a party for his son with the wife, has dinner at his father's house with the wife and kids and goes to school meetings with the wife. These events total about 10 times over the last six months. He wouldn't invite me to his son's birthday party even though his son and my son play together sometimes because they are a year apart. He says that he doesn't want to cause a scene with his wife and that she may make a scene if I come. Am I stupid or what?
2006-10-31 01:30:09 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Jen,
He's in transition ...give him some space......
Beware of bounce back rebound relationships .... He will first look to re-assert himself in his ego .... (get laid) then down the road look for a partner or similar interests.
Try to be the down the road girl......I fear your already in too deep ...or rather he has been.
Try this ...give him the family space by him self ...don't push to be included .... if & when he includes you ... be the quiet non-thretening person to his ex & kids.
You stepped into his life at a very busy & emitional time ... if you wanna survive the event you gott go with the flow and not be jealous.
Or if you gotta be front row center seat .... you will cause turmoil and may get tossed asside.
Perhaps you need to decide if he worth the time & emotional investment at this stage ... it may be better to distance your self and come back later.
Good Luck !
2006-10-31 01:40:57 · answer #1 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't call you stupid, as matters of the heart are never governed by intelligence. However, I believe you made a terrible mistake by ever considering dating a married man. This and the following are merely my opinions and I apologize that they are overly judgemental (which I know they are).
I think it was wise of him not to bring you along to his son's birthday party. Since he is technically still married, it would have been rude and tasteless for him to bring you to his wife's house. His wife is more than likely feeling very angry and betrayed right now and may even blame you for it more than him. (After all, he is her children's father -- she's going to have contact with him for the rest of her life because of this fact. You are, I'm sad to say, the notorious "other woman".) Not being included in his family's activities is something you're just going to have to grin and bear.
2006-10-31 09:43:52 · answer #2 · answered by Avie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go way off track here from what the others are saying and say THIS:
He has children. His children always have to come first and he and his wife have to have a certain amount of respect for one another for the sake of those children. He did wrong by diddling with you while he was still married to her. He and you have upset those kids' lives enough. I commend him for wanting to be as involved with the children as possible and for trying to remain allies with the wife. You can't expect him to not have anything to do with his children to avoid a fight and you can't expect the wife to be comfortable having you around. The children, however well they play with your son, also probably hold some resentment towards you for how their parents' relationship ended. He's doing what's best for his kids- this has nothing to do with the wife. He's trying to get along with her and keep the peace with her because of his children. I'm sure you feel he should try to consider your feelings and keep the peace with you as well.. but homewreckers come and go- your children are forever. Move on to your next family if you aren't willing to acknowledge the fact that he's trying to salvage a relationship with his kids.
2006-10-31 09:42:51 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer F 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i agree with the answers given by answerer no 7, 10, 14 they are genuine and all those who have answered to this answer in one word like how can u do it , it was wrong whatever u did types , they all are imature people who dont know that life doesnt move strictly on one line of rights and wrongs sometimes we find ourselves in such a situation that all our intelligence goes away only heart is there try to undersatnd it nobody wants to hurt anybody still we do why ?????? so take the advice of these three they make complete sense and one more thing if u did not fall for this man deliberatly then there is nothing wrong in it may god bless u and gives u peace and healthy relation.
2006-10-31 09:54:43 · answer #4 · answered by dax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it seems unfair when children are involved these things happen. Over time it will probably change. You must realize that he will make concessions for his children for the long term. Ideally this wouldn't be the case but he is the best to determine the reactions of his wife and assuming the divorce isn't complete he probably doesn't want to make things any worse than they are.
2006-10-31 09:37:16 · answer #5 · answered by dano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're stupid. However I think you have valid concerns. He's only been separated 6 months. Is he divorcing? I commend him for staying involved with his children - many don't do that. But even you call her "wife", not ex-wife. I would not recommend beginning a relationship of any kind with this man until he's ended his relationship, formally, with his wife. Good luck to you.
2006-10-31 09:35:59 · answer #6 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's ok that they are civil, but dinners at his father's house? Seems a bit much. Sounds like a reconciliation is in the works. I'm afraid he would drop you in a heartbeat if he could have his family back, and that seems to be what he is working toward. I think you should exit. Find someone who knows what they want, and that thing is you.
2006-10-31 10:40:18 · answer #7 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that was stupid was getting involved with a married man. Be prepared for that behavior to continue until they are divorced.
2006-10-31 12:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by Toni S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he hasn't severed the ties with the wife -is he legally separated? i would not feel comfortable going to any social things if the wife was there unless they were legally divorced - seems like he's still not sure if he wants to be married or divorced - i wouldn't hold my breath waiting for him - sounds like he still has alot of issues to work thru.
2006-10-31 09:34:47 · answer #9 · answered by livetall1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is still a married man...what do you expect.........sad to say this...but you are only the other woman...and you don't have the right to attend to any family affair!!! why not look for a single guy....that you can call your OWN......you are not getting any younger....just pray for his guidance and you will never go wrong!!! God Bless......
2006-10-31 10:02:52 · answer #10 · answered by Adele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋