My husband isn't well..what would you do?

Question

I've been married for about two years now. Things have been great except for the past 6 months. My husband has developed an alcohol/substance abuse problem. He's been in and out of the hospital. He was diagnosed with a mental disorder and is on medication for it. He does really well for a while then has a relapse, but it can be very bad. I love him and i want to stick by him and help him. But am i crazy to have continued to put up with this? He tells me he plans on going into a rehab center for help, but i'm scared he might be like this for the rest of his life. Can anyone give any good advice?

Serious Answers only please!

Answer 1

If you love him, give him a chance to follow through. But set a limit for yourself of how much you are willing to take, and stick with it. My boyfriend is a serious alcoholic and the breaking point was when he began hallucinating one night and walked into the bedroom with a gun because he thought people were breaking in to our house. He started laughing, waving the gun around and shot the floor. I have never been more scared in my life. I told him if he didn't clean up his act, he needed to get out of my house. So far he has stuck to his AA, but I am still dealing with the fear. If he starts drinking again, I am gone. Like I said, give him a chance for both your sakes, but know it is something that you probably will have to deal with your whole marriage. Good luck.

Answer 2

Mental disorders and substance abuse go hand in hand. If it were just one or the other, you may stand a fighting chance. But this is an uphill battle of the very worst kind. I feel for him, and you.

God isn't the answer here as some have suggested. This decision rests squarely on your shoulders. You and you alone will have to gauge the situation as it happens and see what you can handle. I doubt the substance abuse started just six months ago. These problems are likely much deeper than you know.

My advice is probably not what you want to hear. You have to decide how much you are willing to put up with. I'm sure you've already read up on the statistical probability of a relationship surviving with a person with one or the other of these problems. But both sounds like a lethal combination for a relationship. It will be entirely up to you to see how much you can tolerate. Hang in there as long as you can. You can only do as much as you can do.

Here's a bit of info: someone verrry close to me stayed with a man and tried to stick it out with his mental disorder, then had five kids with him. Her life was... well, I don't have to tell you what it was like. Look into your future.

Good luck. And no one will think you're a horrible person if you can't hang. It's entirely up to you.

Answer 3

You need to tell him that he has a decision to make and that is the abuse or you. If he goes and gets help he needs to stick with it or your going to hit the road. If he relapses then leave. My father drank more then he should and he didn't so anything about it til he hit bottom. Then he quit and was a lot better for it. You need to decide what it is you are willing to live with and then let him know. It is not like you are just calling it quits for nothing the abuse is a serous problem needs it needs to be fixed. You can't do it on your one. So tell him to either sh** or get off the toilet.

Answer 4

I come from a family that has a history of substance abuse.

You can't help them. In fact you are probably hurting them because you enable them to keep on doing what they are doing and cleaning up their mess. If your husband wants to get better he has to do it own his own. You could spend your life trying to save him, but he has to save himself. You should probably be going to alanon meetings (for family members who live with substance abuse people).

I am not some heartless bastard, I know that letting go of someone you love is not easy. But there is your mental health at stake too. If you do stay with him, you should be seeing some kind of professional. The most common misconception is that this is something that only effects the "user" it effects all of you.

Whatever you do, put your health first. But I would consider leaving him if I was you.

Answer 5

You are definately going through a rough time. I've watched an uncle degenerate due to his substance abuse problems. Unfortunately, his wife left which only created a deeper gap between him and reality. If you CAN stay with him, please try to support him. I don't know what type of family infrastructure he (and you) can count on to help through this rough time, but it will require the love and support from the whole family.

If there is some "trigger" that has caused his lapse into this type of abuse, perhaps changing lifestyles to restrict his access to the temptations would be appropriate. Whatever you do, if you love him, do your best to help him through this struggle. Tough love may be necessary, but you can pull him back from his depression...

Answer 6

you married for better or worse sickness and health. It sure sounds like he is seeking help and you need to give him credit for that and ride this out. I feel you should see a doctor and perhaps get yourself somthing for depression because you are going threw alot and i'm really guessing you do have some depression dealing with all this. I also encourage you to see a counsler because you are going threw alot and it's good to have that person there to open up to and talk to. your husband having a mental disorder is a hard thing but if they get him on a med. that works for him things will get better but it will be a long journey. hang in there sweety and do get yourself some help like i said it;s alot for anyone to deal with.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear this, I hope he is doing fine. The only answer that I can honestly give to you is for you to just put all of your faith & trust into God. If it is meant for him to be in this condiction for the rest of his life then that is how it is going to be, but you should not stop having faith & trust in God, just because you are scared. You should be praying for your husband each & every second of the day and totally believe in what you are praying & asking God, to do.. If you are not completely faithful & honest with yourself in what you are truly wanting then it is going to be very hard for you to accept what ever might happen.You should be putting your faith, love & trust in God, and leaving the consequences in God's Hands and not trying to take on the resposilbilties by your self. Believe me putting/keeping your's & your husbands lives in God's Hands
is the best, and honestly the only way to go.
I wish the both of you the best!
God Bless You!

Answer 8

people in that situation will continue to fall until they hit bottom no matter how much you try to help them. until he is ready to clean up his act, and his life style he will only pull you down with him. tell him that he has two choices to walk away from the drugs and the booze or walk away from you. if he tries to beg and talk you out of your decision, tell him actions speak louder then words. tell him you want a family one day with a husband that can pull his own weight in raising them. you don't want a man who is proving by his actions that he is weak, unable to take control and be the man you need in a relationship. its tough love but having dealt with people like this its the only way, because they will take and take until you can give no more. By then its made you so broke that its very hard to climb up and get on your feet again

Answer 9

I have never been in this situation myself but I know a couple who have. They worked so hard together to make their marriage work. They attended counciling, and various workshops that were recommended by her psychiatrist. It has been extremely hard for them to deal with but they have managed to stay together so far, I know Him better than I know Her and we talk at reasonably regular intervals. I asked Him what he thought of your situation just now while we were on the phone, He says that it will only work if you really want it to. You have to be strong enough for the both of you, not just yourself. He says that there will be times when you feel like you hate your husband and what he has been puting you through. In the end though, you are the only one who truely knows if you can persivere and stand by him. An addiction is not a short term situation and you and your husband will be dealing with this forever because he will always be an 'addict' whether he's using or not.
If you go to counciling, you will be given access to a huge network of support for both you and your husband, I encourage you to use this support as and when you think you need it, your husband has to realise this as well. You are a partnership and in this together. Support your husband, but make sure he understands that you need his support as well, and that he knows this is not one sided-his input is as vital as yours.
If he wants this to work, then I am sure with your support, he will work hard to keep your relationship strong and filled with as much love as there was on your wedding day!
I wish you all the best for now and the future xxxx

Answer 10

I would use birth control.
I would put him in rehab tomorrow or leave.
Do not let this linger or he will assume you accept this.
Make sure you are firm with him that you will deal with his mental issues with prescribed medications but not the self prescribed ones. Continued relapses are cause for your leaving.