There seems to be two types of people in marriages. The first type is a person who can have friends of every sex but it never dawns on that person to have an affair. Even when the going is tough, the first type just says, well, that's life, no one is perfect" and continues in the relationship. The second type believes that a relationship is like shoes. When worn out, get a new pair or if it rains and your shoes get soaked and squeaky, throw them away rather than put them out in the sun and let them dry out and become your favorite shoe again. Maybe you have a better analogy.
2006-10-31 01:07:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I used to be the first type, now i think i may be turning into the second type. I dont know who the hell i am now??
2006-10-31 03:09:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your analogy is great! - but there is a third marriage where if two people really want to be together, they will both work at it no matter how difficult things get. These types of marriages are more successful because the pairing is right and both people have their independance and dreams and so don't need to seek excitment outside of the relationship. They work at being a couple and at being seperate identities which is how it should be.
There are a great many people who eneter into a marriage unhealthy to begin with and usually have some psychological problems surrounding committment or some other personal crisis, but if left undealt with, will bring ruin and destruction later on. People are damaged in different ways and it can always be traced back to what sorts of childhood lives they had and this forms their behaviours and beleifs and so if you get a healthy mix with an unhealthy mix - one will be doing all of the hard work whilst the other is busy doing the damage and so you are going to have an earthquake erupting.
Insecurity is learnt behaviour and results from insecurity in childhood and when people become adults, this doesn't change because it is a subconscious programming many have to delve back into their childhoods in order to find out how that came about, whether they has a neglectful parent. Many are in denial about why they choose to be the way they are and will say something like 'well, no one is perfect' because it excuses the real underlying reasons.
We can only ever try to be our very best when we consciously choose to be, but if we don't try and really work at something that means anything, then we fail automatically. I am a worker in a realtionship and beleive in having my own identity within a relationship, but would be unlikely to stray because my needs would be fulfilled through so many other things including my partner if I had one.
It all goes pear shaped if ther is too much reliance on one another to fulfill our own needs or if the person enters into a marriage with unresolved personal crisis going on, so this is why it is good to get to know someone over a good period of time before we make a serious committment to them. Some people jump right in and once the damage emerges, this is when we get a bit of a shock and realize that our partner isn't all of the things we imagined them to be!
Some people want to be rescued from personal crisis and put all of their needs onto the other person that they simply cannot meet all their needs and then there is resentment and anger. So not all is black and white, there are a great many damaged people than there are really healthy and functional ones around and this is why their are so many relate counsellors and psychologists!
A healthy union between two people is an equal partnership but they are committed to working at being together. This is the kind of relationship I seek because these are my qualities as they should be everyone elses who want this type of relationship. Women who love too much explains why we can go into a relationship with all the right intentions but sometimes for the wrong reasons and we cannot make someone love us if they are damaged and we are prepared to nurture their damage and end up being resented for it and even rejected and abused for our love and devotion.
You have to be great friends to be anything more and for it to last.
2006-10-31 09:43:34 · answer #2 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the way that you put that. As for me I am the one that never has an affair and sticks with it. I am that way because things have gotten bad between me and my husband but I never did anything stupid. I know that he is the only one that I want to be with and I don't want to anything to tear my family apart. Life isn't easy and either you fight to keep what you have and make it better or just give up. The person that has relationships like a pair of old shoes has never really loved. Cause they would know that there is nothing like have a pair of shoes that fix just right.
2006-10-31 09:18:06 · answer #3 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting point of view, but a little too simplistic. If I can answer you in relation to your own analogy,... anyone who's worn their favorite shoes while walking through a river knows..... even if you put them in the sun to dry,... they're stiff, faded, uncomfortable,... and never fit quite the same. We may keep them, and still love them and wear them, but if we repeatedly walk in the river with them on.... no matter how many times the sun might dry them,.... eventually they'll fall apart. And too many people forget to take off their shoes before they stick they're feet in the water.... cause they think that they survived it once so they'll survive it again. Nothing can take repeated misteatment and last forever..... not shoes, not marriages....regardless of the quality.
2006-10-31 09:23:53 · answer #4 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Iam not married but I wanna say that the female is the one who does not get a variety of friends and that is sad , Beacause not the husband is in control and ipersonally do not like it that way , But in some realtioships the partner gets bored and cheats and in this case it is the gut , So when the going gets tough unless you are madly inl ove then you should think on your toes!!
2006-10-31 09:22:27 · answer #5 · answered by Tabby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think there are no types. you just have to accept the person you married and enjoy the time God allows you to be together. People are brought together for different reasons and sometimes love means letting the person go to find his or her happiness. Bottom line is that you are in a marriage because you want to be there. hope that helps.
2006-10-31 09:16:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a marriage there are only three types of people. Those that can count and those that cannot.
No seriously... Those that are 100% committed and those that are not. The challege is to find out if they are or not. This is not just a faithfulness thing, it can be determined in a relationship by other contributions such as honesty, loyalty, friendship.
"Forsaking all others" means to disregard or dispose of something formerly held dear. This in essence does not mean forever. It means to reform in those things that are imprtant to you with your partner.
2006-10-31 09:16:33 · answer #7 · answered by Triestobewise 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My thing is your married yes but that does not mean life stops. I have male or female friends and they all know I am married. I know my limits and keep it their. My husband on the other hand don't want anything to do with friends but that is just his personality.
2006-10-31 09:13:57 · answer #8 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think im any type yes i do flirt but hey i flirt with everone not because i might like them just because thats who i am
2006-10-31 09:14:48 · answer #9 · answered by Crystal S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To simply put it.....some people have common sense and know better than to cross a certain line and others don't.
2006-10-31 09:09:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋