of his parents...he wants to change me into someone else when we are around them...he makes me wear certain clothes, and will not even let me carry my cigarettes in my purse when we visit them for fear I will put one out and light it up in front of them...when I go too long without a smoke, I get mean...what should I do..should I dump him...I do like him...but I want to dress how I want, and I want to smoke when I want...he does not smoke so he does not understand...
2006-10-31 00:11:08 · 19 answers · asked by Rhonda h 1 in Beauty & Style ➔ Fashion & Accessories
Talk to him seriously. It can't last forever, he's got to appreciate you the way you are. Though it's always an art to meet each other halfway :)
2006-10-31 00:13:30 · answer #1 · answered by Korso 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He may not be a prude; it's just how he was raised. Most people want to make a good impression around their parents. The clothing is a good indication. If he doesn't want you wearing those clothes anywhere, it may be a different reason.
Besides, since he doesn't smoke he probably realizes for dangers in it. His objection to your smoking is most likely because he cares for you enough to be concerned over your health - which I'm sure you're aware is negatively affected by cigarettes.
If you are considering dumping someone because of his taste in dress and not wanting you to smoke, you probably shouldn't be with him in the first place. Obviously the priorities in that relationship aren't all that important.
2006-10-31 00:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by Dale E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is very concerned about living up to their unspoken expectations. If you guys do become serious or married this will be an issue over and over again.
On the flip side if this is the only real problem you guys have your future is pretty bright.
Work on bringing in your individuality with them slowly but surely. Super sexy shoes the first visit, a conversation about smoking the next. Tight jeans and a long top months from now.
You may never be able to show up in a micro mini-skirt but then again you can't at many jobs or schools, this is sort of the same thing. Be yourself as much as possible, give 'Caesar what Caesar is due' and respect his parents as much as he does. So you may be dressed up to see them, but they and you should always feel like they see the real you.
As for the smoking, have you tried smokers 'snuff'? It is tobacco power, you sniff a pinch on the end of your fingers and the nicotine is absorbed through your nose. Takes about a second to sniff in a bathroom. They sell it for less than a pack of cigarette at drugstores like Walgreen's. Maybe not ideal (ideal would be to quit but that comes later) but it can get you through a long dinner.
Best of luck
PS-if he starts to dictate these dressing and acting demands to your 'real' life, dump him, it is all downhill from there.
2006-10-31 00:30:59 · answer #3 · answered by xillith 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't either, understand you Honey! Why do you want to smoke, with all the evident pressure out there about the health concerns with smoking, I'd stop if I were you and in fact, this is for your boyfriend, find someone that's smart enough to stop smoking.
For you dearheart, find someone that's not controlling, wait until your married if you think he's controlling now? a partner through life is one that's considerate, thoughtful and loves you, not the way you dress or carry yourself. If you care for yourself, that's what counts.
2006-10-31 00:17:20 · answer #4 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let your boyfriend go so he can find a better quality girl. He doesn't need someone who is addicted to smoking and who gets so "mean" just because she can't smoke. He is trying hard to help you get over this bad habit, but you see it as annoying. He is trying to be sure his parents see you as being respectable and worthy of their son, but you don't see that. You are just selfishly looking for your own wants. So... by ALL means, tell him you are not worthy and let him find a better girl. Either that OR don't smoke around his parents and wear some respectable clothing. It it that hard????
2016-05-22 16:18:48 · answer #5 · answered by Marie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know which part of world you live but if i smoke or wear mini skirts in front of my hubby so he will probably divorce me... Dear he want you to be nice once you are in front of his parents.. becoz may be he is thinking to get marrying to you... i dont think he is changing anything in you..but he is making a better person out of you..smoking and wearing mini skirts is not life ... but yes again its your life ur decision ...but always remember one thing true love only comes once ....and this is only way to happiness you can dump him and move ahead go for one bf who let you smoke and die you with cancer or live with him get the real happiness...ball in your court..your wish..best of luck
2006-10-31 00:18:57 · answer #6 · answered by Angela 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to help you get along with them. You are whining like a baby.
Why don't you dump him and take up with a drug-addicted wife beater who hates you? Then the parents would love tight jeans and smoking and you could be happy.
Otherwise, quit smoking and be grateful that someone cares about your immature carcass.
2006-10-31 00:14:36 · answer #7 · answered by nora22000 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think control freak not prude is the the word. In a relationship it is natural for a couple to adapt to each others ways but it sounds as though you have having to change your whole self just to please him and believe me he will never be happy, you could change for him for the rest of your life and he will still find something to pick on. I'm not saying he sounds like a bad person he just doesn't sound like the right person for you.
2006-10-31 00:16:30 · answer #8 · answered by Muffin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he wants u to get look good in his parents eyes because he likes u and dont want his parents takes him from u because of something he didn't hate but his parents do, so u can be a great gf if helped him because he loves u .
2006-10-31 00:21:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Where there fear stands , love has no place."
well, what he says is correct according to me but if he wants to change you then that means that he doesn't like your original self but what HE WILL make you.
Talk to him, if he doesn't understand then he cant luv u what U R
at the end of the day its YOU WHO KNOWS WHO YOU ARE ,WHO YOU CHOSE TO BE
The final decision is always yours!
2006-10-31 01:37:10 · answer #10 · answered by fairy4princess2queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋