we have four kids and i dont know if i love her orif she loves me i have asked here to go on tripes but she says she does not like to fly or no one will wach the kids i was abel to get to france for a week but she would not come and see me i could not go home i will be home for the first time in 8months & asked to send a weekend together to go some where she said will see what the *** sould i find someone over here to do things with or what come on ladys what do you want from us guys i have done everything to try to keep my marriage going i dont know what to do any more
2006-10-30 23:59:06 · 18 answers · asked by lost 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The type of ur employment is not conducive for good family life. Ur wife has probably adjusted herself to the situation.
2006-10-31 00:03:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first question would be whether you and she discussed your working overseas, or if you made that decision on your own...
If she was not consulted, then she's making the best of the situation, holding down the fort while you are gone. Could be that when you come home, she would simply like to have a day or two off from being mom, dad, everything to everybody everyday...know what I mean?
In order for the two of you to find time away, it means MORE work and MORE planning and MORE, MORE, MORE for her. Maybe she doesn't see the worth in the long run.
Please don't misunderstand me... I admire the sacrifices that you are making for your family's financial welfare, and I BIG TIME admire the fact that you have (or appear to have) not cheated on your wife thus far.
I guess I wonder if the sacrifices you and your wife are making regarding your relationship is worth the money? I think you need to take the time when you are home to really talk with her. If at all possible, YOU make the plans for the romantic weekend. I know it will be hard long distance, you decide if it's worth the time, effort or the cost.
Good luck, I wish you the very best. I think you love her or you wouldn't be struggling with this issue...you'd be living it up far away from home where no one would ever know. Give yourself some credit, examine your priorities, tell her how you feel. What have you got to lose at this point?
2006-10-31 08:12:47 · answer #2 · answered by Silly Me 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
14 years of marriage is really a miracle in the making! Your wife is probably used to not having you around and having to look after 4 kids is not an easy job either. She feels that she has a lot to cope. Why not have the whole family travel together instead of just the two of you? She feels that her role as a mother of 4 kids is just too much to bear. On the hindside, are you running away from her by taking an overseas job when you should be working on home ground? It's easy to blame someone else for the problems that you yourself can't handle!
2006-10-31 08:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by singirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One thing that comes to mind that the other answerer's didn't touch on is that you haven't been home for 8 months and you want to take that time home to be only with your wife...correct?
I think you are missing the fact that you not only have a wife but you have a FAMILY! 4 children that your wife has been responsible for while you're away. Yes,you're working...but so is she.
I've been there with the adjustment issues when my husband worked out of town. Now that we live together again it has been like starting all over from the beginning with our marriage and family.
I won't tell you that it's easy but your marriage can be saved but it is going to take a lot of communication and patience and also a lot of hard work from both of you.
Good luck,
~Z~
2006-10-31 08:20:26 · answer #4 · answered by zoya 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well finding someone else to "do things with" i.e. CHEAT--is never the answer! Maybe next time you get home, get a sitter for the kids, a bottle of wine and sit and talk this out-find out what is going on. I know when my husband works alot-I pull away from him from lack of seeing him, sometimes women do that. Get to the bottom of the problem before you go out and do something and make it worse!
2006-10-31 08:32:11 · answer #5 · answered by blonde_bitch_norris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you probably need to get reacquainted with your wife. Take some time with her, if there are children involved can you afford to get someone in to look after them??? Children are a handful at that age. And as well, when you are away do you call your wife??? Do you say honey, I was just thinking of you, what were you doing?? Do you flirt with her on the phone??? Do you say, I wish you were here??? Both people have to work on this, not just one. Good Luck.
2006-10-31 08:07:08 · answer #6 · answered by winona e 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to make a choice. Your family should always come first. Always...
If you showed up and said, I'm not working over seas any more she would probably embrace you and be glad.
My father in law traveled like that... he was gone 10 months out of the year. HE went to 55 countries as a Chemical Engineer adn set up oil refineries all over the world. She adapted and when he finally retired, she could not stand it. He was interfering with her life. Sad...
Your wife and kids are first. I beleive that the Lord will ask you two things when you face him one day...
what kind of husband were you
what kind of father were you
Choose the right-
2006-10-31 08:07:06 · answer #7 · answered by SunValleyLife 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This definatley calls for communication. I am totally against Dear John letters. But you need to know. So a call or better wait for a visit home if you can. But definatly communication.
I know you are confused and hurting, I am sorry. Its awful what happens to guys over seas, but do it right.
Blessings
2006-10-31 08:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by wingedladyk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Brother tolerate for some time.(i think u already have). If i am U i will first think about the kids. U have to discuss this with her when u go home. if she is no more interest on U , consider devours. go on with ur life. in my country hundred's die in hunger.most of the boys can never think of having a family thanks to the Porty.they have never got in to a car. consider ur self as a very Lucky person. if she dont want u , U have wonderful /better life full of happiness with out her, that i am sure
2006-10-31 08:17:30 · answer #9 · answered by prabath 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
honey with 4 kids and trying to keep them in a routine in order to keep order in thehouse and she is doing it alone she is getting worn down.
She loves you without a doubt but she needs to be worried about 4 people who can not fend for themselfs and need a role model. Take it one day at a time for she prbly wants that weekend with you but wants you to be with your kids for a true mom puts the kids above her own wants and needs.
2006-10-31 08:21:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋