me and my husband have been married for 9 months.It was a whirl wind romance ,he made me laugh and made me feel really good about myself.
when i met him it was the best thing ever .we got married after being together 4 9 months.too soon ,i start to think now....
i truly love him,he makes me feel special he turns me on,i do fancy him.
But he acts childish,he is only 21,i am 23,but i grew up very quickly .
I find myself keep thinking this relationship isnt right,i have always had older boyfriends ,at least 10 yrs older etc.
i like to be looked after ,taken care off,i do work ,but i mean the household bills etc finances.My husband dont havea clue ,i find myself struggling with with everything,he is a typical 21yr old.
i really do love him but wish he would grow up a bit ,am i just kidding myself ,should i finish things now before my love turns sour and start despizing him for the things he cant do.
2006-10-30 23:40:47 · 22 answers · asked by bradderswifey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It appears that you have some life experiences. I believe in the marriage bond that you can work through everything except infidelity. If you truly love this man, work with him. You may be able to mold him into the man that he's supposed to be, considering his mother didn't raise him accordingly. It CAN work, it's just a matter of how much are you willing to invest? And there is a way to assist without being harsh. You can't talk down to him, call him names, and make him feel less of a man than he already is. Granted you did get married rather young, but you appear to be very mature for your age. You are his helpmeet. You are there to help him. Encourage him. Speak life to him. Tell him who he is, his potential, and how you'll do what it takes to help get him there. A soft answer turns away wrath. Deal with him in the same manner you would a young child that you would nurture. It'll payoff in the long run, trust me...
2006-10-30 23:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by cutesensiblechic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a real talk with him. Let him know what you need from him as a husband. Does he listen and try to be responsible, or does he dismiss what you say completely? Does he have an education, and if not is he willing to get one and have a good job?
I was 21 and my husband 19 when we married. He was the love of my life, but there were signs early on that he wouldn't be a good husband. I thought he'd mature, and I loved him; so I worked and put him through college, did everything I could to be supportive of his career and make his life at home great. Now he has a great paying job, and after 20 years together and a child, I find he's been cheating on me ever since he got that great job 10 years ago, and I'm starting over.
I wish you luck and hopefully your husband is completely different than my experience. Have that talk & give his responses a lot of thought. If he's willing and wants to step up to the plate, that's great - you guys can work it out. If he laughs or blows you off, or says "hey, I'm only 21" well....don't ignore the red flags.
2006-10-31 00:47:46 · answer #2 · answered by I saw whatudid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a really good question but unfortunately,,you are living it,arnt you! there is always hope and it may just be that he doesnt understand how the "home" works,doesnt truly understand the word committment,,,no point in just leaving because there are up-sides to this relationship too,,he makes you happy,you love him,you fancy him for godsake and one last huge one,YOU,RE MARRIED,so it changes a lot of your options,,you could quit but you dont want to,,you could argue the facts with him,,but you dont want that either or you could keep muddling along and expect him to mature at some point,which he most likely will,,we all grow up at some point and he will too.do you talk to each other? do you feel able to communicate with him and him understand what you are saying,,these are the important parts because without the ability to communicate and him listen to you,re expression of yourself,you have nothing,,growing up takes time but as you say,,you are only 23,,maybe his lack of responsibility can help you,,growing up too quickly cant be fun, but can he not help you see that at your age,,it isnt all about getting the bills sorted and food on the table,,you teach him responsibility,,he teaches you to loosen up and have fun.time is on your side on this one and you can both grow together,,sometimes its not always stuff in common but stuff you dont have in common that keeps the relationship going.count the blessings of what you do have and maybe work on what you dont,,you may just find that husband number two has his problems too if you end it without really knowing if you are doing the right thing.
2006-10-30 23:51:59 · answer #3 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i believe in the sanctity of marriage very much and besides you do love your husband. Dont carry him along in this marriage let him walk by your side as it were - He's your husband and you're his wife not a baby sitter. Make him do things. give him suggestions on what to do and follow thru so he does them.
Dont let your love turn sour. look at the good side and make things work out for both of you. The fact that he's younger does not mean he cant do better than older ones. you grew up quickly what made u so? help him grow too but dont baby sit him. His love for you would make him grow but he needs a prompter - You
2006-10-30 23:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by girlfunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in a pickle for sure. You should try and work it out tho, take things with a grain of salt. A discussion is definitely necessary about how you feel like you are doing things alone. This relationship should be both giving not just one. He needs to know that. 21 & 23 are very young ages to have made such a huge committment these days. But there is no reason why it can't work with extra tender loving care. But it has to be wanted by both of you. He needs to grow up a bit but you can't expect it overnight and I am sure he isn't a mind reader so you need to COMMUNICATE your feeling with him. Good luck and GOD BLESS!
2006-10-30 23:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont be silly! You say yourself you love him, he takes care of you, most of things are going fine etc. If you wnated an older one then the time was b4 marriage. One must be of solid character. Marriage is life long contract, agreement, a promise and determination to be 100 % loyal to each other and many things more.
You say he is not growing quickly, while you are much faster than him. You have an older b/f as well. It seems that your are NOT mature and sincere person ~ trying to travel on two boats, in opposirt directions simulatenously ~ think of the consequences. I feel shame due to this very approach. Its NOT clear that what you want right now? Have you ever used your mind to analyse your behavour? Please think with cool mind.
GOD help you to think and behave properly.
2006-10-31 00:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by MY Regards to All 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must be really hard on you when reality hits you isn't it? But you still have what it takes to tic a marriage and you can still work things out. Both of you are rather young but nevertheless, childish behaviour is something one will outgrow when greater responsibility comes. You have outgrown that when you had to face the bills. Perhaps talking about shared responsibility with your husband should begin, now that you are feeling the pinch of things to come. If he is understanding, he will take that responsibility and can still carry on with his behavior. If he feels that he is not ready for this, then in the first place, marriage wasn't meant to be....
2006-10-30 23:52:15 · answer #7 · answered by singirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is older now then the time you met him. He'll grow up. It looks like he's a good guy. Maybe you just want to be pampered. Try to do the household things with him. If you're more mature, teach him.
2006-10-30 23:47:05 · answer #8 · answered by cb56br 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
join the club, im 21 as well as my husband were so in love but lately i find myself taking care of everytihng, hes in the military so i kinda baby him bcuz hes not always home, but at the same time hes been home since june and i do everything, work cook clean. i work as a nanny and he keeps telling em to get a real job but taking care of him is a full time job and he honestly thinks i do nothing!
2006-10-30 23:50:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is for life
Sure you need counseling and a good community of godly people that are willing to assist you in putting your priorities and responsibilities into perspective.
God created marriage so if you involve Him you will be wonderfully surprized how He will "repair" your (that is both of you) decision. He is more than willing to help if you will just say "God help us please", like this or in your own words.
You need to establish the right motives for marriage and create a solid foundation that will help you to be a unified family.
It can happen instantly but mostly likely it will take time, yet God will never fail you.
2006-10-30 23:42:12 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet n Sour 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋