I have a dilemma, I am with this guy 38 , me 24 for the last5 years, he is fabulous , makes great money, 65k, dresses well, speaks well, ensures all is ok for me and our 4 year old, I strayed found a man who is a bouncer at a club, he swears, smokes weed, but the sex is great, we have been dating 4 months ,and I am pregnant by him,there is something about him i love but in terms of my other guy the sex was not that good,and i know i care about him but, not if i love him, i am confused. They found out about each other and now they want me to choose i don`t what i want i am confused.help
2006-10-30 22:10:26 · 22 answers · asked by flavia d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you need to think who you truly love and which one of them do you want to spend the rest of your life with.
dont go with someone just for the sex, or just for the money.
none of them last forever. a relation based on sex will end once the steam is off. relation based on money ? well any man can loose everything in a day so thats not forever.
the most important thing you have to think is this:
which one of them will be a better father ? with a 4 yr old and another one on the way, that makes a big question dont you think? think for your children, rather than your own sex life.
if the bouncer guy is gonna be a druggie, do you really want him around your young children? does your rich guy love and care for the kids? will he accept your other child from the other man ?
why did you cheat on your 1st guy anyway? from the sound of it, he seems like decent bloke.
remember, when there are kids involved YOU MUST PUT THEIR FUTURE FIRST
Think hard, good luck
2006-10-30 22:53:55 · answer #1 · answered by GorGeous_Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What planet are you on?
You have a really nice, respectful guy who dotes on you and your child who most girls would give their right arm to be in a relationship with and you go after some sleazeball from the local dive?
Face it, you are attracted to the loser because he is the exact opposite of the man you are 'committed' to. You wanted to keep all of the privileges of the nice life with your decent bloke but have the thrill of sleazy sex with a rough bloke as well and now you've been found out.
What made you cheat was that the sex was not that good with the nice guy. Why didn't you stop to try and sort this problem out rather than just slink off at the first hurdle? Surely he deserved that at least after supporting you for the past 5 years.
What makes the sex with bouncer guy so 'good' is probably more to do with the secrecy and thrill that you might be found out than the actual sex itself. Now that good guy knows, I bet sex with bouncer guy is not nearly as good. In any case, this bouncer works in an environment where he attracts women left, right and centre. What makes you think that you are special to him? He's probably got a whole line of girls who are thinking exactly the same.
He smokes weed. Great! You are really thinking of having a baby and bringing your 4 year old into a situation where someone smokes dope? He probably spends all his money on this addiction (yes, it is an addiction even though he probably tells you it's like smoking cigarettes and he can stop at any time) and you are seriously thinking of starting a life with him? If he continues smoking, the sex won't be that great for very long.
You have been dating for 4 months. What you mean is you've been sloping off behind your partner's, the father of your child's back for a quick legover with some guy who thinks you are another notch on his bedpost and is more than likely off his face on weed for 4 months, presumably leaving your child with the poor man who has supported you all this time.
There is no choice. Go back to good guy and hope that he forgives you. Sort out the problems in the bedroom department with good guy - you at least owe him that. Cut all ties with bouncer guy - surely, you and your child are worth more than just a quick fling with some bloke you don't know a lot about and who cares more about his next spliff, probably, than in providing for two children.
2006-10-30 22:32:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is too bad you can't just have one of those nice French things...Menage e toi?! Have them both...have your cake and eat it too. It might make for some hawt times. With both of them having jobs, you can stay home and take care of the two rugrats.
Still I think you are a wretched, immature, lost young woman. The trouble is...you married a meal ticket...like a daddy figure. He's almost a decade-and-a-half older than you...that gap probably distance you two.
It's a shame the bad man often is one who excite us...but in end, that bad man, will more than likely treat you bad.
Nothing personal, but do world a favor and get fixed so you don't have anymore quasi-bastard children.
Now the more sympathetic side...tell the good guy he can have you during the week (Monday-Thursday)...and tell the bad guy he can have you weekends. If one or both says no, dump him or both...and just collect some fat child support checks from both while you sit on your a## at home and raise your kids.
Get the book "The Attractor Factor" and google "EFT and Gary Craig". Use these tools to 1) clear energy blocks and 2) start manifesting dream husband.
You hussy you (as in immoral)! Good luck, try not to take life too seriously. It is all Divine play.
I will almost bet you like to watch soap operas or 90210 like shows, because you're living one now. CONGRATS!
2006-10-30 22:34:10 · answer #3 · answered by FeeFee le Mew 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I wonder who's fault this mess could be? Your's maybe?
You're a lucky girl considering that they want you to choose. If I were either of the men I would want nothing more to do with you, your daughter or your unborn child. You need to face up to the fact that you have behaved very irresponsibly. Life shouldn't be taken too seriously in general but there are some things that are really important like your children getting a good, stable start and a happy family life with someone to call dad.
You need to learn to survive on your own. Neither of these men will make you happy. Branch out on your own and make a new start.
2006-10-30 22:17:47 · answer #4 · answered by Fluorescent 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is from a totally material perspective, I think you should stay where you know you are looked after!!!! I mean what does this other man have to offer you, I mean he may be good in bed, but believe me that isnt enough to sustain a loving relationship. Your own man obviously loves you, by even givng you the chance to choose him, my man would have kicked me out, of our house, and to be honest I would respect him for that, as that is what you would do.
Put the shoe on the other foot, imagine, he had fucked about on you with some wee slapper, who works lap dancing etc and smokes weed, drinks 24/7, How would you have felt??
have you started to smoke pot?? Mayeb this is why you dont want to leave other man??
I know men like the bouncer and they arent in it for the long haul, they are just in it for some fun and dont care if you or your man gets hurt.
You should choose who you love, and you cant really love your own man, if you would mess around on him. But take my advice and stay where you are, BELIEVE ME you will regret it in the end, and it will be your child that suffers.
Beg for forgiveness!!!!!
2006-10-30 22:17:25 · answer #5 · answered by carrienicholson23 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont stay with the guy who has money, you clearly dont care about him. Stick with the bouncer, but get use to having less money around. You seem very immature for 38, ending up in this situation. And there is more to a relationship to sex, you have one child and one on the way you need to start thinking about them not your sex life!
2006-10-30 22:19:02 · answer #6 · answered by Annie M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I detect some very definite signs of co-dependency in the relationship with the bouncer. I was married to the wrong guy for 13 years because of my co-dependence. Find the book "Codependent No More". It's an older book, but I'll bet you'll see yourself on its pages more than once. You need to work on YOU - and then the relationships will take care of themselves.
2006-10-31 04:56:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
people like you really should not be getting pregnant.
you've got 2 children to think of - do what's best for them, not what's best for you.
is this bouncer going to make a good father smoking weed? no. will he still be interested in you when you're 8 months pregnant? no. is there any point in staying with the other bloke when you're not sure about him? no.
you sound about 12 - you've got responsibilities to your kids, so grow up QUICKLY and devote your life to them, not your sex life.
2006-10-30 22:17:43 · answer #8 · answered by monkeynuts 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm with PURPLE DIAMOND on this one.Your bouncer is a loser,your a loser,and BOTH your children are going to be losers if you stick with him.Let the GENTLEMAN go,he deserves better than you.Its not all about sex you know,my god but you are shallow-you wouldn't know what love is if it came up and hit you on the nose.Mattress.
2006-10-31 09:28:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u had a wonderful guy but u stayed pregnant with a bouncer at a club!!!the best is to stay with the father of the kid!!if there wasnt the kid i would say u to stay with 38years old guy!!but u did them salad so choose the bouncer
2006-10-30 22:24:14 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Santa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋