trouble with teenager?

Question

I have a new partner and the only thing we row over is my 15 yr old son.
He isnt too bad, comes in on time, washes up if i ask, and ask and ask. But he is very imature and agravates me and my partner by being really silly. acting clownish. he also swears a lot.
the trouble starts when my partner tries to intervene which he doesnt often, only when hes had enough. then we clash and he says i make too many excuses for my son. We need to be united in the way we deal with this to diffuse the situation, as i dont want to lose the great relationship i have with my son and dont want to lose my partner either.

Answer 1

Sounds like hes normal and so are you. I think everything is working out fine for you and him, and a couple of line answer from anyone here wont make anything any better than it already is. Best of luck and keep on doin whatever it is you are doin cause it seems to be working.

Answer 2

Just about every family professional I have known has said that a step-parent should NEVER intervene with discipline on a child or teen unless that person has been around since the child was under 3 years old. What should be done is you and he need to get together when son isn't around and set up a game plan to put up a united front and only disagree when the boy is not around but you need to be the one who lays down the law and reward system. This way your son feels both of you are on the same page and have the same goals for him. Also let your son know in advance (family meeting) what is expected of him and what types of behavior will not be tolerated so that there is no gray areas, but let him speak to so everyone has a voice and it puts the burden on your son and you will feel less pressure when trouble arises. My friend is going through the same situation and this has helped them a lot as it has a "job" for everyone in the family and they all know the expectations and what will happen if things do begin to crumble.
Good luck .

Answer 3

This is a difficult one. It's good that he comes in on time. As for washing up I had the same problem. Being silly is because they really are still children, even if they think they are grown up.

It is very difficult when someone new comes on the scene for both your partner and your son. It will take some time to adjust. I don't think you will lose either relationship. If you mean that much to each other you will talk to each other. Try and find out what they have in common together. Go out as a family so they can get to know one another. They obviously feel a little awkward with one another. It's all new. It's a hard balance I know but trust your instincts on this.

Good Luck. Don't worry it will resolve. He sounds basically a good lad which is amazing in itself you've done a good job. Keep loving and encouraging both of your family.

Answer 4

first of all, if your son sees you and your partner swearing at each other or him, and arguin and bickering with each other, he is going to think he can do the same. so if you and your partner yourself swear, you cannot blame your son for doing it too. Your son is your son, but you also have a partner. your son has maybe been the closest person to you at one time or another, so thinks that he can still break you down and get you on his side still. you and your partner need to hold ranks and agree an action plan about what to do, ie taking away playstation, earlier curfew etc etc. As with losing the great relationship you have with your son, excusing bad behaviour isnt helpin creating a better relationship with him is it?? your just getting him on sie. your one of his friends in the playground you are his mother, and you need you show him you can create boundaries and rules that he needs to follow. It sounds like the r/ship between your partner and your son could be better so why dont you set up things they could do together- football match? kickin a ball? goin shoppin for stuff he needs? let him rely a little less on you fighting his battles, and help him strengthen the r/ship he has with your son, and that may help he realise when he will be pushing it too far and when to stop. if all else fails, remember, he is ONLY 15. my brothers just turned 16, im 18, and is still trying to push boundaries, but only this year they are different ones!!! hope this helpsxx

Answer 5

In a situation like this it is very tricky. Since this is a new relationship and your son is already at a rebellious age, it will be hard for him to "listen" to your partner. I think the best thing to do is to encourage them to spend some one on one time together. If your partner takes a genuine interest in your son, and he begins to respect your partner things will be much better. But on the discipline front, you should leave the reprimands up to you because at that age it will only harbor resentment if your partner tries to be a new "parent". But if your son gains an individual respect for your partner through some bonding, he will be more open to "suggestions" when your boyfriend is upset about something.

Answer 6

your son feels threatened by your new partner he is trying to compete for your attention with your new partner. you need to let him know that you still love him the same amount as you always did and the coming of your new partner has not diminished your respect for him. and with your partner getting close to him it will take time they need to spend some time together and get to know each other better to find out what they have in common. also your son is goin through a rough time at the moment he is changing from a boy to a grown up and he is starting to realise he has more responsibilities but he feels like he just wants someone to care for him. it is a scary moment in his life and eveyr1 goes through it. the swearing is him trying to show power that he feels that he is lackin, you need to make sure that he feels like he still has his own rights and such without swearing and when he does swear dont let him get his own way...soon enough he will learn it is not the way.

Answer 7

i have the same problem with my 13yr old son, he also acts very imature, swears and batters his little sister and punches walls etc. when he doesnt get his own way. my son tries to play me and his dad off one another. we did split up because the pressure was to much for us all and i used to stick up for my son all the time, i reliaise now that if you or your partner disipline him you have to back each other up, and follow through with the threat give him two warnings if he doesnt

behave u can either ground him, take away somethiing he likes and ignore him for a day, have a word with him too sugest that you will treat him older if he acts older and give him resonsibllitys. i have started doing this too and he still does all of the above but not as often as he used to.

Answer 8

Your son seems to want attention from you. Do you ever take him out for just you and him time away from that man? He's 15 now and as he gets older his behavior could go from comical and disruptive to mean and disrespectful. You might have a great relationship but you may need to seperate your relationship from your son. See your man friend away from your house and don't leave your son alone all night, You can have your time and give him what he needs too. It doesn't take much for a maturing young man or girl to become resentful. Your child comes first always.

Answer 9

Your son is seeing someone else moving into his territory, he thinks that you will not have enough love for him while your partner is there, he probably feels left out ,Me now would always put my son first as partners come and go kids are for life, and it's a wonderful gift from God.

Best Wishes.

Answer 10

You and your partner will never be united over how to discipline your son.

My husband, who is my son's father and I don't agree when it comes to what to do with him. (he's a good boy)

If hubby says something to him, I say he said it in the wrong way. If I yell at my son for something, Hubby does too, when he should be trying to calm me down.

I don't know what else to say. But it isn't always because a partner isn't a child's real Dad.