This happened to my friend, and she keeps taking her back. She claims she can trust her in all other aspects of her life. Does she have any self-respect?
What would you do if this happened to you?
How can I convince my friend, that her "buddy" isn't worth holding onto?
2006-10-30 20:27:09 · 19 answers · asked by Steph :-) 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
This will probably be hard for you to do by try some reverse psychology...
You leave your friend, the one that has the self-respect problem and tell her; "I can't see you letting yourself get walked all over by SO-AND-SO, so I'm leaving you because you're not helping yourself, you're not listening to my advice and so I'm worthless to you, you don't treat me with respect."
Give her a model by being a model yourself. Show her that she CAN walk away...watch her from a distance and when she starts getting into a deeper funk with the "buddy" you should rescue her and be there for her. But for now, when things are neutral and she's "okay" with everything, you should show her that it's really not and walk away and leave her.
It's hard to do, it's like letting a baby start walking by herself, she's going to get hurt and she's going to hate you for not helping her stand up, but how will she ever learn to stand on her own two feet when she has no model to look up to?
You sound like a true friend, you need to teach her by example.
2006-10-30 20:42:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definately not what you want to hear, but ill say it anyway: you need to get yourself away from both people. Obvioulsy there is not anything you can do. If your friend still doesnt learn after 4 isntances then nothing you say will teach her, so there is nothing you can do there, because im assuming you already tried talking to her.
Now, you need to get rid of them because niether of them seem like very good people. On one hand you have somebody who steals thier friends boyfriends and has sex with them, so they are obviously not a good person. Now, the other person continues to attract and is attracted to guys that are so shallow that they would go along with the whole thing.
So i think that your friend is hopeless, and you need to do what is best for you, and that is to get yourself in a better enviroment.
2006-10-31 21:37:02 · answer #2 · answered by Adam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, her buddy is worth holding on to. It's like a built-in screening device. If her own boyfriend turns around and hops into bed with her buddy, she knows the boyfriend is not worth holding on to! How come the buddy gets all the blame for the boyfriends' infidelities?
2006-10-31 04:37:45 · answer #3 · answered by JustaThought 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't/can't convince her. If having this "friend" take her boyfriends four different times doesn't convince her, nothing you say will.
Your choice is to just accept the situation and keep being friends with the one girl in spite of her "blind spot" or you can move on.
2006-10-31 04:31:04 · answer #4 · answered by Spiritual but not religious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably can't convince her of anything. She will need to wake herself up. It's like repeatedly banging your head against the wall. It only feels better when you stop. If she wants to be a boyfriend clearing house then so be it. Hopefully she will gain some measure of self-respect. Sooner rather than later.
2006-10-31 04:43:25 · answer #5 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her why she hates herself so much, thinks she deserves nothing of her own that is truly hers, deserves to have no one she can trust?
In the end, I don't think you can possibly convince her of anything. She keeps choosing this for herself for a reason. The most you can do is stimulate her dormant, frightened mind to THINK. You want better for yourself even if she doesn't.
Finally, if this has happened one too many times for you to stomach, leave the friendship and tell her why: It's too painful and sad for you to see her live like this, be mistreated like this.
2006-10-31 04:31:05 · answer #6 · answered by answerme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't convince anyone to do anything that has nothing to do with you. Does that make sense? I've learned through experience that people will hold on to a significant other no matter what, until they, THEMSELVES decide it's time to leave. Good luck.
2006-10-31 04:30:48 · answer #7 · answered by Bruddah Shan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That person is definitely not a friend! Talk would not help. Your friend lacks confidence on many levels. Once would be more than enough for most of us! I would stop taking phone calls, stop getting together for anything.
2006-10-31 04:31:42 · answer #8 · answered by desertflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a great little "enabling" relationship your friend and her best friend have. I wouldn't bother convincing her of anything...eventually she'll either get sick of it, or join in. Either way, how does it affect you?
2006-10-31 04:39:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should just get your girlfriend to go out with a guy with some kind of STD, and make it appear as if they are sleeping together, then when the other "friend" steals him she will be in for a nasty surprise
2006-10-31 04:35:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋