How do you deal with co-workers' trash talking?

Question

I only started this new job a few weeks ago, and I've become the sounding board for one coworker in particular to vent all her frustrations about the job, other coworkers, our boss, etc. So much trash talking behind their backs. It makes me uncomfortable. What's the best way to let her know it bothers me and to essentially "keep the negativity to herself" without insulting her. Mind you, I do have to continue working with her on a project and want to keep things cool. She's a lot older than me, and several positions higher than me so I need to be respectful. I need to tread lightly. Her constant complains are making me bitter on a job that I otherwise love. Any suggestions? Thank you for your help.

Answer 1

Indirect Approach:

I would gently and respectfully explain to her that the constructive thing to do when having problems with others is to approach them about it. That way, maybe her and the person in question can work together to resolve the issues or come to some sort of compromise. If you have experiences from your own life where this has been true, share those with her. This way, she will view you as helpful and sympathetic to her frustrations.

BUT, the next time she starts trash talking after this conversation, your only response should be, "Did you talk to him/her about it?"

If her answer is no, offer no further response - just change the topic. Or simply reply, "I think he/she is in the office now if you want to speak to them about it." Or, for every negative comment, you could say something positive. If you do this every time, maybe she'll get the hint.

Direct Approach:

I've had this same problem with a gossiping co-worker in the past. Finally, I had to gently tell her that as a professional, I had adopted a policy of not participating in office gossip or slander. That it was unproductive and listening made me uncomfortable. Remember, to listen is to participate.

I would like to say she stopped after that, but she didn't. I had to resort to walking away from her every time she started gossiping again.

Good luck! I feel your pain!

Answer 2

If you don't chime in on the insults, she should eventually get the hint and stop. Also, when she says something negative, turn it around and put a positive spin on it. If she says that the boss is critical, tell her that it is to help make the employees better at their jobs etc... Unless she is stupid, you might even change her attitude by reflecting to her what you would like to see from her.

Since you are new in the job and she is in a higher position, I wouldn't say anything that might jeopardize her opinion of you or hurt her feelings. Just stay positive and don't talk about anyone.

Answer 3

cut back conversations short. Create a itemizing of motives "I ought to get this checklist out." "i'm anticipating this telephone call." "I relatively have a meeting quickly and that i might extra desirable end this digital mail." Or - exchange the undertaking unexpectedly to a minimum of something effective. lower back have a itemizing: Did you spot that tutor final night? If she says no - start up speaking approximately it. by no skill answer her unfavourable comments yet consistently respond with a excellent one a pair of thoroughly different subject remember. it could sense awkward yet ought to ultimately deliver the message that what she talks approximately is a downer which you do no longer % to be a area of. The extra direct course: relatively say - All this is a bummer and that i'm too down already to function to the pile. permit's communicate approximately something satisfied or we % no longer communicate.

Answer 4

there are several things you could do....
1. change the subject
2. tell her that you feel uncomfortable with her talking trash and would she please stop.
3. see if there's a policy in the policy manual, photo copy and highlight it and leave it in her mailbox. that way she won't know its from you.

Answer 5

People like her never change...just let it go in one ear and out the other! Form your own opinions.