Started an affair?

Question

I need some advise from open minded people out there and/or people in a similar situation.
I've been married almost 20 years, have two great kids (one grown, one late teen), had an affair last weekend with a co-worker on a business trip (we work at opposite ends of the country), and am honestly looking forward to seeing him again (which might never happen).
I love my husband but anything exciting (sexually) with him has to be started from my end and even though the one nighter was induced by drinking too much and wasn't the least bit romantic, it was great!
My husband loves me and is very sweet and I have no intention of telling him or leaving him, I think I'm just tired of doing the right thing all the time. That and I've never met someone decides him that I've been this attracted to.
I'm a bit confused I suppose (at my own reaction to myself more than anything) and need some non-judgemental advise.

Thanks to everyone who answered and gave advise. I wanted to be more than fair to my husband before I told anyone (and no, I don't hold it against him and never have) but he had an affair 12 years ago (with another man) and I forgave him for it but I didn't want that weighing on anyone's opinion of me or what I did.

Answer 1

wow, u must be feeling a mix of all sorts of emotions, on one level i feel compassion 4u, on another i feel empathy, another level im feeling im glad im not in ur shoes...Maybe its something ul do once in ur marriage, learn from it and stay married, maybe it will destroy u both.... if i were u i wouldnt tell anyone who knows u, dont tell ur husband on a day when ur feeling guilty. it wont relieve the guilt, it will make things worse. my marriage ended over something like that, we wer married 12yrs......divorced for ten now.

Answer 2

What happened to you is not surprising. Most people in a 20-year marriage feel they lack excitement. All it takes, just as in your case, is an attractive person, a few drinks and the minimal probability that the spouse would ever find out.

But you're playing with fire. It's fairly easy to get away with it once. It's extremely difficult to hide an ongoing affair. Even if you don't see a change in yourself or your behaviour, those close to you will.

And remember two things:

1. The grass is always greener.

2. If the co-worker is attached and you and he end up leaving your partners permanently, wouldn't you both always be wondering if the other is cheating?

My advice is the same as the other person's above. Find ways of improving your life, including your sex life, within your marriage. You can't imagine how devastating a divorce can be for all involved.

Answer 3

I gotta agree with the consensus here and say this is a bad idea. Having been here several times, I can tell you first-hand that the sex you get just isn't worth the lying, duplicity, emotional roller coaster, guilt, and double life you will find yourself leading and the train wreck your life will turn into. And if you get caught... GOD HELP YOU. This will rock your world and cause more emotional damage to your wife than you can possibly imagine (I'm not kidding) and you will pay for this in more ways that you can possibly imagine for countless years to come. Your wife will make your life a living hell. That is if she doesn't divorce you and clean you out financially in the process or if you're really unlucky, go Lorena Bobbitt on you. Think about this. You wouldn't be the first that this happened to. Okay, that being said, if you're still hell-bent to do this anyway, for God's sake find somebody who's in the same situation you are and who has as much to lose as you do. This maintains the status quo and gives her as much of a vested interest in keeping things on the down low as you have. CHOOSE CAREFULLY HERE! You want someone intelligent and above all else, EMOTIONALLY STABLE - anything less can and WILL blow up in your face. Lastly, WHATEVER ELSE YOU DO, keep emotions out of the equation, keep it low maintenance, and ZERO drama. If you do this, you MAY have a chance at a successful affair that won't wreck you and those around you. Affairs aren't for the faint of heart. Don't forget this.

Answer 4

Not sure what your question is. A one-night stand is not an affair, it's a one night stand. An affair is an ongoing relationship with someone that isn't your spouse. 10 chances to one - affairs end badly. One-nighters - discreet and infrequent - can be exciting. However, you have to live with your conscience and that can be tough. Yahoo answers or anonymous internet people are great to confide in, but don't make the mistake of telling a "real" person!

Answer 5

Going to have to say that am in the same here 2 kids married 6 year and seeing someone on the side and i know its wrong. I think its feels like when you get up out of bed its like your stuck in the same time nothing is happening time as st oped so you have to do something about it by bringing some fun into your life its crap what you do to your family i know i think the word am looking for is excitement in life and everyone else as bored you but you still love them and dint want to leave.

Answer 6

Is this the first time you have had an affair...you don't say. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with what you did. You are probably surprised at your own reaction because its most likely been on your mind for quite some time and you finally "let yourself go" and now feel wonderful and alive again! You only live once and you should be happy... as long as it doesn't hurt others. Sounds like what happened awakened you and was done in taste. Just be careful. Actually, humans are not meant to be monogomous in all reality. Its just natural for you to feel the feelings you felt for this other man during your time together.

Answer 7

what you need to decide is this: is a little excitement in the bedroom worth ending a marriage i know you said you have no intentions of leaving him or telling him but if he finds out how would he feel it could spell the big D. why don't you try telling your husband that you are a little bored in the bedroom and ask him if there is anything he wants to try. tell him you wish he would surprise you with something exciting, maybe seek the help of o professional. a sex therapist maybe?

Answer 8

Just control yourself how to keep it secretely between you and your co-worker only. I congratulate you for enjoying the night with him and for having the best sex ever you have. I know it is hardly forgotten that kind of urges. It will always come on your mind to do it again if given the chance but if you can do it again, I suggest you have to be extra cautious not to open it or talk it to anyone else. You should keep it secretely from your husband. Other wise your family is on stake. Keep up your mind always free and keep your weigh be mainten good health, be slim and stay more sweeter to your husband and to your co-worker for more fun..

Answer 9

I think you have done enough analyzing yourself. The one time aberration should not be allowed to rock the boat of your marriage. Find some ways in which you can make your love life equally exciting. Talk about the prospect making it interesting with your husband.

Answer 10

from experience I know what your going through, but you have to realize you are treading on very thin ice here, and now you have your own conscience to deal with, hope you can handle it better than I did, If I were you I would confess it to god and ask for his forgiveness first. try to make things better between you and your husband and avoid this happening ever again at all cost or be prepared to lose this marriage and have to start all over again.Good luck