is this letter rude to send to my huabnd at basic in the army?

Question

Ok my husbands family is well either rude or very passive i was goignt o send this letter to my husband is it awful? I am not sure if its beacuse we have not gotten to talk but.. here goes..
Hey honey… How are you? Wow I got to talk to you tonight…It was awesome! My mom said she would fly the kids and me down if your parents could buy your one-way ticket. They might even have to take us to the airport my mom said she would rent us a car… It’s like 450 per person but your parents would only have to pay like 200doallrs. I feel like it is a very bad idea for me to get on the road by myself with two kids. What if I had a flat, get lost, fall asleep 17 hours is a lot honey. I want to see you graduate more than anything but I am not sure how we are going to do it. I miss you more than ever right now you have no idea. I am getting all your letters. Honey, I am so proud of you. You are doing so well. You have worked really hard at all of this! Dan, I did not want to write a letter to you like this but it’s killing me. I have to ask you on last time. Well ever since you went to San Antonio there has been a dramatic difference. No one in your family has even called to check on me, the kids, etc. I have called your Mom- Dad several times to give them the most up-to-date info that I have and there is a weird awkward silence. I am not sure what was said. Dan I feel the most important thing is that our relationship be set on a foundation of truth. Never got the $100 and you have never inquired about it either. If there is anything you would like to tell me let me know. Cause I have a feeling of uneasiness I have went out of my way for you and your family to be greeted with an awkward silence I feel there is “PLAN” like you always talk about witch they are fully aware of. For what other reason would the roles change so much. I have to be real the way you left me makes me feel uneasy. The night before you left you literally rolled over and went to sleep you made no attempts to show me any intimacy. Now I know we were at my moms I did not expect you to nail me then or anything but I mean kissing, talking, etc. I hope your not writing all these letters to me to keep me baited or because you think that is the expectation. I want to know your TRUE feelings because our last moments before you left reflected other wise. I cannot continue to be engaged in this sabotaging type relation. Dan if your heart desires one thing and your showing me society’s expectation be honest with your self. I love you more than anything and made a promise to you on September 14 2005 that I plan on keeping. However if you’re miserable and your expressing that to your family let me know. I want nothing more than you to be completely happy. I called the military pay line today to find our that you requested I not be a power of attorney to be eligible to find out about your pay if needed that I guess is when all this clicked, I am in a financial crisis, I love you Dan. Love Court

oooops now this is my husbands account!

Answer 1

edit--I revised this..If you read already, please reread.

I feel it is important that you express your feelings to your husband. I would, however, leave out this line -- I cannot continue to be engaged in this sabotaging type relation. This will worry him and is jumping the gun.

Men are not really that intune with the feelings of women and he may have been worried on the night before he left and that is why he was insensitive or unaware of your needs.

You also may be making assumptions about his parents and him talking to them negatively about you. Remember he writes you often and has children he loves..just be honest with your fears and ask him for honesty in return and for reassurance, but don't scare him with that line. Wait to see what he says. (also you misspelled witch just after the capital lettered PLAN. It should be which). good luck. I hope it all works out. But I don't think it is rude..you are being honest and also loving but give him time to hear it...it is probably all news to him and he will be stunned if he thinks you are leaving, OK?

Also tell him if he wants you to come, knowing that it may be difficult, you will or does he think maybe you shouldn't..do what he says (unless you feel you want to go ansd he says don't, I might still go)..

Also ask him what the reasons were he requested you not be power of attorney, but not in a judging way..first find out what he has to say..takes things slow..don't jump the gun..remember there are children involved...don't make hasty decisions.

In a kind way, let his parents know you love them and Dan and you are feeling shut out and worried by thier lack of conversation. Ask if anything is wrong? Is there anything I can do to help? see what they say and how they react.

Answer 2

There's nothing rude about your letter. You are expressing legitimate concerns and you have every right to. If you are suspicious about changes in your relationship you are probably right and should be emotionally and mentally prepared for it. In your situation I would not call your husbands parents with "updates" or anything else. They can call you if they wanted to talk to you so take the lead from them. If you don't have a job you should get one and be prepared for potential financial set backs. You are entitled to child support and the military can garnish your husbands pay if necessary should he not start an allotment to you. Sometimes strong emotional weakness cause you to make the wrong choices regarding a relationship. Be strong because your children need you to be. I know what the
military is like and it's possible there has been infidelity from your husband and he may want to end the marriage. Since it's a strain for you to go see him graduate you do what's best for you and those kids!! You can see him at his permanent duty station. For now, send your letter. This is your life and not anyone else's so you do what you think is best!!!

Answer 3

I don't think it's rude. You mention $100.00 - was it for bills? If yes.I think you should indeed inguire about the money and the power of attorney papers. As a man he should keep his word or not say he will send it,if he isn't going too. I don't doubt at all things are rough financially. YOU need to be strong, if money is tight, ask YOUR family members to help out with the kids and get a second job (assuming you have one). Love your hubby but don't think of him to be YOUR life. It sounds like things are a bit backwards marriage/kids/career- kinda making you feel like a single mom. What if you were single? Could you survive? Another words don't pressure him with ALL of your thoughts ( his family / or the feeling of him not reaching out to your before he left ) YET. (I know it's hard).
Don't let yourself get all stressed out thinking something is wrong. Take care of YOU and your babies. If your hubby is a good guy he will respect you for this and if he isn't ? YOU will know YOU can survive. As for his parents / family- remember they still have their own lifes to live even if they do seem cold towards you. When talking with them and things go silent end the call and don't think twice about it :-) Or better yet don't call them.

Answer 4

if i were u, i wont send out that letter just yet. its a good letter.. tells him what u know and asking for the truth.. but guess what? if he is not mature enought to have some balls, he just wouldnt tell u anything.

so why dnt u just stop worrying and start enjoying and whatever is his decision, be ready for it. stay calm as u can and enjoy the moment.. trust that it is not gonna be as bad as u have been expecting. and when it turned out that bad, go on with life bec u have to know that in life, there is no forever... things and circumstances changes, people changes and whatever was promised just dont happen after a few weeks, months, years and thats not bec we have to blame a person or what.. its just the way life is, and the more u understand it, the better u will get over life's many miserable moments..

Answer 5

Wow. I think you did just fine with the letter. You sound like a loving, caring wife and you have every right to answers that only he can give you. Send it. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Good Luck, honey. May the Lord bless you with the truth.

Answer 6

Every basic training site has there own traditions pertaining to these kind of things. When I was in basic we were told that the first letter we sent out we had to include our roster number in and tell the person we were writing to that they had to write our roster number on the back of the envelope. It made identifying the correct soldier and correct platoon the letter went to easier. And if the person writing back didn't include the roster number on the back of envelope the person receiving that letter got smoked. (Discipline using various strenuous exercises

Answer 7

not rude at all, in fact I think he is getting off rather light here...... you can not find out about his pay ? and you have 2 kids by this man ? and you are married ? and his parents are snubing you and the kids ? *heat flash*, I just had a temper flair up there..... this man should be horse whipped..... you write what you feel needs to be said... as his wife I would think you have legal rights about the money, you need to look deeper into this... you do have kids to support, and as far as I can tell, I think this would fall under abondonment on his part.... as for his parents !!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I am thinking there is more to this story, like maybe they are fillling his head with stories about you ??? are you being a good wife ? not to insult you, but maybe thay think you are having an affair ?? any reason why ?? if not, I think you need to call them and just flat out ask them what the deal is... it is their grandchildrens lives they are messing with...... be open , honest and very direct, even if it is to the point of rudness.........and as for the money, and help to get to graduation, I would not count on any of that..... for what ever reason, they have made it clear how they feel about you, founded or unfounded..... YOU need to get to the bottom of this !!!!!!!!!!!!before you send the letter !!!! God bless

Answer 8

I think you need to reread your letter. You are running a lot together. He may understand what you are trying to say. There may be a better way to put things. Maybe you should call his parents and ask if there is a problem. They may be worried about his being in the service.

Answer 9

Wow, Yes send it!!! YOu don't know if the inlaws are saying stuff about you that's why he had you taken off the power of attorney! Let him responde and let it be a good one. IF he doesn't then it's time to get some child support. FILE THE PAPERS

Answer 10

Yes, that is too much especially for basic training....it is not the right time....i know...i was in the military and basic is crazy enough with out more stress...you should wait until after basic and talk to him face to face about what is going on....don't jump to conclusions...and as far as his family goes don't let them get to you