You saw to it that the right legal steps were taken to vindicate the one wronged and then decided to stand beside that person who did wrong; because they wanted to change and did turn themselves in. I told my kids that love does not just "turn off"because someone did a terrible wrong, that they, more than anyone; should realize this, as I treated them and their own father when he was alive in the same way. All steps to reach understanding are met with,,"get out of my life, unless you leave him, I want nothing to do with you" Grandkids all cut off from seeing me and I was told "they have lost their Grandmother" as if I was the one to leave them! More blame on me. My betrayel seems to be that I would not conform to their wishes. If I do not join them I cannot be with them. I was told that "If You wish to have a relationship with this family you will never mention his name" Another words,I need them they don't need or want me.What to do?? 10 years of trying.
2006-10-30 16:31:49 · 16 answers · asked by Faerie loue 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Maam, I really don't think you can find a suitable answer to your dilemma on this or any other website. Other than trying to understand your family's point of view, I can only advise that you consult a real person face to face for proper advice. Even though you wrote a whole paragraph about your problem, it's still too vague. Your problem appears to be a lot more complex than what you are able to write on this site. Please, for your sake, go seek face to face council from a real person.
I wish the best of luck to you.
2006-10-30 16:40:12 · answer #1 · answered by Do You See What Happens Larry? 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
She could get into a lot of trouble for lying on her FAFSA. Use that against her if she is suing you. If I were you I would get some counseling before making any decisions about disowning your daughter. My grandparents disowned my mom when I was 10 and then wanted back into her life when she had cancer. After my mom died I cut off ties with her family. I don't miss them but I do miss the idea of family. I would not give her any money either, she does not seem to appreciate it like she should. She needs to pay her own way. Good luck.
2016-05-22 14:30:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You admit this person did a TERRIBLE WRONG, just how terrible was it? Sounds like it was some major stuff. If you can't put this deed in words than maybe your family are more objective than you and can see that this person needs to go. It seems a bit odd that your whole family refuses to see you unless you rid yourself of this person. I'm all for forgiveness but there are some things that aren't acceptable. Of course your family needs you and you need them. Love does not turn off because of someones bad deed, but you can still love someone and decide that they shouldn't be in your life. Again depending on the wrongdoing there may not be an understanding reached to your satisfaction. I guess in the end you may have to decide who you should be more loyal to. If you just can't live without this person than you sacrifice your family. Very difficult decision, but after ten years I think you've made your choice.
2006-10-30 16:55:05 · answer #3 · answered by lookwid 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Be patient, these kinds of issues take time. It will be important for you to allow the healing process to take place regardless of how long it takes or how far away they are. It's not easy - but challenges within families are a common occurence. No one has it perfect no matter how great an appearance they give. You have to take a stand and do what is right - even when others in your family don't agree. I've found in my own family that there are issues that took 30 years to resolve themselves and we were once at a point where we thought nothing would ever be resolved. Don't give up hope. What tends to happen is people grow and mature - and have life experience where they will have to make a choice like you did - then they will understand. They have to somehow come to see it rightly and you can't force it to happen right away.
2006-10-30 16:37:04 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Let me read between the lines also,
Did the new spouse or boyfriend molested your children?
If this is the case, I don't mean to be cruel but wake up and smell the coffee here. You are their mother, it is your job to protect your children...if you did not, it is the ultimate betrayal and you are the one who betrayed your children.
I have nothing to do with my mother for the same reason. I am over fifty years old now and my mother is well into her seventies,
I cannot forgive her and I will not forgive her.
Do you have any idea --the impact that something like this has on a child's life?
If this is what you did. I would cut you out of my life and I would not let my children around you or anyone that I could not trust to protect them.
2006-10-30 16:50:29 · answer #5 · answered by Moma 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I look at it this way. My family loves me and wants only the best for me. They would never lie to gain something. If they have something to say, I listen. Maybe they see something that you can't see. I'm not really sure how deep this goes, but if you are choosing your partner over your children and grandchildren, then I suggest you seriously consider the consequences. I am still a new mother, but I know what I feel for my parents and siblings, and I know how deeply they feel for me. I would NEVER turn my back on them. I couldn't even imagine turning my back on my child. If they feel strongly enough to let you go from their lives, perhaps you ought to think about things from their point of view. Good luck.
2006-10-30 16:38:23 · answer #6 · answered by munkees81 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know what you forgave or what happen for you to forgive the person but, I'll tell you this much your family will be all that you have in the end. Family will always love you, even though they can't for give your actions. You have to figure out what is more important to you. Family or friend?
There is nothing wrong with forgiving someone. God tells us to, but He also told us to be cautious. Is that persons love worth losing your family? It all comes down to a chose that you made. You have to live and die with it.
I sincerely hope the it works out for you and your family. It did for mine.
2006-10-30 17:14:06 · answer #7 · answered by sasanator42 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously your husband did something your children can't forgive. I don't know what it was but your children have a right to their opinion too. I feel bad for you caught in the middle, but I can think of a few things that would keep me from allowing contact with a grandmother because of something a grandfather did.
2006-10-30 16:54:40 · answer #8 · answered by redunicorn 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This sounds like more than just family squabble. this is serious, and because he is not their father they cannot understand why you choose him over them and your grand kids. for that matter neither do I but of course I don't know the whole story, I wish you luck, I for one would never let any man stand in in the way of seeing and being with my kids and grand kids, ... how you are able to do so is a puzzlement to me.
2006-10-30 16:52:12 · answer #9 · answered by annie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you forgave that person for the wrong he did to your grand kid or who ever it was so what all the legal step was taken .you stay with that person .you decided not to leave him a lone after you find out what he done . you decide not to join them. so now you have to be with out them. right now they can,t forgive you for staying with that person and you for gave him ! just leave them alone right now.
2006-10-30 17:49:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋