What was once a clouded dream, a mystery beyond the stars,
unraveled to become a reality.
Thought of, sought after, desired-absence induced curiosity, the brightness of black, the loud echo of silence.
Shattered like a mirror, splintered into the sky-
One key to open this door, a step through, this door will disappear.
Silver flutters of remnants, there is no going back, there is no way back.
Wrapped in bittersweet, welcomed by black and white, falling into love.
With a gaze and a blink I'm gone, I'm there-
Everpresent, overwhelmed, lost, sad and kind-
Starbursts of blue and green spark from a center of red and orange marble,
crystal castles composing a fantasy of colored reality that isn't there
(Constructive criticism if any, I'm not a pro, just jotted it down one night)
2006-10-30 16:23:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I like it, I see it as the process of falling in love. You dream of it, you do it, but it wasn't real, it's never real. My take on it is that it's very good. I like the imagery and how it ties together.
2006-10-30 16:44:30 · answer #1 · answered by Dawn J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think you are too descriptive to the point that the poem loses meaning. An example would be "Shattered like a mirror, splintered into the sky-" The back to back use of similar imagery is over kill. I think that this is a great start, and there are some good themes, but the poem seems forced. I say this because, you seem like you are trying to copy what a great poem is instead of just writing what you feel. I would edit down the words, and be more concise, and you could make this a great poem.
2006-10-30 16:35:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to me it appears like shes no longer an excessively well man or woman. And should you dont love her, hold watching untill you uncover an extra lady. And you are saying she cheated on you due to the fact that shes 'insecure and has low self-worth' ? Well, i dont understand approximately me however that offers her NO motive to cheat on you! 'Oh appear the man I loves leaving, Im insecure approximately myself so possibly I must pass shag an extra guy. ' Doesnt sound proper to me. =/
2016-09-01 05:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a big fan of prose but it seems as if your emotions are like a cat five hurricane
2006-10-30 16:33:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some confusing metaphors that (while reading invitingly), don't easily follow.
2006-10-30 16:34:38 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very impressive...you show good emotions and this is very descriptive...keep up the good work!!!
2006-10-31 00:40:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I love it
2006-10-30 17:00:33 · answer #7 · answered by titanmoon_32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
duh
2006-10-30 16:25:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋