our house!!!! our rules!!!!!!?

Question

son--17yrs.old. dating a girl 21yrs..with baby..... thats o.k...
just laying around the house not doing his chores
just to water and feed the dogs.....not much....works too,
some days 5 till 9:00 twice a week, but can still feed the
dogs... he has chores.... he don't ask anymore what he can
do he tells.....well the last 2 weeks, work has been calling,
because he's not their...... 4 times in a weeks period.......
his a** should of been at work...... I told him to straighten
up or pack his bags,he can move the hell out.....that
this was our place and if your going to live here, it's by our
rules...... love him to death--and take care of him......-but he has
to give a little bit too........ don't know what to do??????

he is in school-- will not let him quit....
he's in the 11th grade and does
good in school.... he knows his
prioties, and his goal in life......It's just
like he didn't give a damn.....

Answer 1

You need to make him grow up, he is using you and taking advantage of the situation he knows that he will soon be 18 and that you won't be able to tell him what to do. This is definitly the time to get him off of his A** and get him moving. If he still chooses not to then kick him out, he may learn a hard lesson in life but it may help him realize that this is not a game and he needs to grow up. Do you think if he cared he would miss work? Or tell U what to do, You are the parent still not him. But he still can be grounded or take something away that he needs make him see that you are serious or he is going to keep taking advantage of you.

Answer 2

If the kid is in school, I would make sure he finishes first. But you didn't say a thing about school. If he is home all day besides the 5-9 job, his only interest is just a little spending money. If he has a 21 yr. old girlfriend/with kid, his only interest is pus*sy. He's not going to do more than he absolutely has to do.

If you have a man in the house, you guys need to sit the kid down and straighten the house rules. If he's working, he pays rent, he does his own laundry and he takes care of his part of the chores. If he doesn't think he should have to do that, give him a week to find another place and start packing up his junk. I know it's hard on kids today, but it's easy to let it slide and let them take advantage of you. You'r enot doing him any favors by allowing him (enabling him) to become a leach. Even birds know when to kick the kids out of the nest. You're going to have to bring in some tough love. And it won't feel good, but if you stick to your guns, you'll be doing him a huge favor! Godloveya.

Answer 3

Oh boy.....this is so tough. You know what.....you sound like you love you son alot. Please don't kick him out. It may hurt your relationship (it could help, too.....but it's so risky). He is not doing the right things right now. That is so clear. But maybe THIS situation is what your relationship (and what you've built up thus far) is ABOUT. Can you first try to have "The Talk"? If that doens't work, can you at least try to let the other stuff go and mandate that he contribute to his household duties??

See....if you become the "monster" in this situation, he WILL move out.......but with his current girlfriend (and her baby!!!!) he will think SHE is the "good" one and go to her and god only knows where thier relationship will go from there. The job thing he will feel the consequences on his own when he no longer has money to buy the things he needs.

And when I think about it, the girl may have nothing to do with it except that we (me included) would not WISH our sons (younger brothers) to date a 5-yr older woman WITH a baby BUT the girl could be wonderful and they could really love each other. It happens. So, concentrate on his BEHAVIOR that you might be able to shape. Like the chores. And have a heart-to-heart w him about how concerned you are about him because you love him so much. Good luck, mom or dad!!! I feel for you.

Answer 4

It's time for TOUCH LOVE, and that means he has to have consequences for his choices. He needs to get out! You don't mention if he is in school, but if not, it's time to let go. If he is still a student in High School, then you need to take away privileges, such as use of the car, tv, music, etc. If he is dating a 21 year old with a baby, it sounds like he is headed for disaster. Why would an adult want a child? She is an adult, he is still a minor. That equals jail time for her. Something has to change, and you as a parent has to implement the change.

Answer 5

You have to talk to him rather than give him ultimatums. Communicate how you feel, tell him that you're concerned for him and that you appreciate his respect towards you...that he needs to help around the house more and work properly so he can have a future stable enough to live on. Tell him that you're worried about him and that you love him and it would mean a lot to you if he would straighten things out and give life his best shot rather than shuffle around.

Answer 6

I would be up to my ears in frustration too. I would talk to him and try to be open minded. If he has plans to further his life education travel career all these things... ask him where a 21 yr old w/baby can fit into his life?? Don't close your mind and resent the girl she's young too and just could be in for heartbreak soon.

Answer 7

I have a suggestion, just show him some friends (or just people who live in apartments) (not well off) how they work just to make a living.

Tell him, that if does not shape up, he risks losing all & his future.
Give him guidance to come out of his vices one step at a time encouraging him all the way

Answer 8

sounds to me as if you know what to do....... been there and done that...... stick to your guns on this one... live by the rules or live some where else... he is legal age, so you do not have to worry about the legal stuff..... that is what is wrong with todays kids... most parents just let the kids rule the whole dang show !!! and these kids are gonna run this country some day !!! scarry thought aint it ??????? God bless

Answer 9

Remind him how many days he has left before his 18th birthday and tell him that's the day he can now pack and leave or be thrown out.

Answer 10

Sounds so familiar! Stick to your rules and enforce them. Mine got sick of the nagging and our rules--took several months but he got the picture and found his own place. Now you feel guilty and sorry and have a whole new problem. WORRY when their on their own.