Please help my friend, her mother is cheating on her dad!(she asked me for advice)?

Question

My friend and I are 18. She has a brother who is 13 and a sister who is 16. My friend's mother sits on the computer all day emailing and chatting while the dad goes to work in the city, he has a well-paid job.

Recently, my friend's mother was invading her privacy and looking through her emails and IM contact list. My friend decided to pay her back and go through her emails. She found emails to a man by the name of "Steve" in America (we live in Australia) saying how they love each other and how her husband displeases her because he isn't very affectionate (or something along those lines). It says things about what time they should call each other and "phew, that was a close one" and quite clearly, she is having an on-line affair, and its been going for 2 years.

They went for a family holiday last year to America for a month (so there is a possibility my friend’s mother met up with Steve)!
What should my friend do? It's really disturbing her! Her and I are the only ones that know

Answer 1

I know of a couple in a similar situation .. only it was the husband doing the online thing (no kids) ... ended in divorce
It's never easy .... but I think your friend has got to confront her mum and ask her if she actually met this guy ... if it stays online and her dad doesn't find out ... well ... it may just be a kind of pressure release thing for her mum ... if she actually met this guy and stuff happened then it's cheating and no-one deserves that ... she either leaves and takes up with this Steve or she trys to fix whatever it is that's wrong with her marriage
It's usually the one trying to help that gets caught in the middle ... and that's going to happen here ... theres no easy way out ... only compromise and work-through

Answer 2

You can go to counseling without asking your parents if it's ok. Go find one that has a sliding scale fee and go on your own. Group sessions are often inexpensive as well. If you are on your parents insurance, you should have your own insurance card to carry with you while you are in college and use that. But i think it's time to be an adult. Time to go to your parents and explain how this has effected you and that you want to get past it as well. That you wish just saying it would make it happen, but so far it hasn't. Explain that you don't want to involve them since they have done such a great job with putting it back together but now you need a counselor of your own to help you get through it all so you can move on and become a big happy family again. I think if you approach them as an adult and lay it out in a non-confronting fashion, they'll hear and accept what you need. No blaming, no fighting, no bringing up what you saw or how it all made you feel. Simple and to the point, you want to get on with your life but so far nothing you have done has helped and now you believe a professional could be the answer. Once you start working with a professional they will show you steps to learning to love and trust those who have hurt you, and learn how to remain separate from them as well.

Answer 3

i had the same situation when i was a kid my mum was having an affair with her now husband while married to my dad and i knew all about it. i couldn't tell my dad as i didn't think he'd believe me at first then i just thought if i tell him it'll be my fault if they split up. i did try to stop it but it didn't work and my dad did find out about it. i was gutted for him.
trouble is he also found out that i knew about it and didn't tell him.
it caused big probs for me and my dad and we didn't speak for about 2yrs after that. i think he felt like I'd betrayed him and that I'd helped my mum make a fool out of him which wasn't the case i was trying to protect him. looking back now i wish i had told him.

the best thing your friend can do is to confront her mum about it.
tell her she knows whats going on and that she must tell her father about it or your friend will.

I'd also print of the emails as proof cos the first thing your mums friend will do is delete them and then your friend will look a total lying fool.

if your friends mother wont tell her husband then i think your friend should.

he father will be hurt that's obvious but it may save him a small amount of dignity and respect before too many other people find out.

good luck to your friend im sure she will do what is right.

Answer 4

Your friend (and her mom) should respect each others privacy and boundaries. She is talking to someone online, not scre*wing him. She must be lonely. You never know how your parents feel because they have totally different "adult" problems that you wouldn't understand. I would suggest you both keep you mouth shut. Just make believe you don't know. Let the grown up's take charge of their lives and you just mind your own business. OH..and no more snooping....that's just not right. godloveya.

Answer 5

You don't have any bussiness looking through other people's email. It is also non of your bussiness to make moral judgements even on your own mother. But if you really want trouble.....leak this email anonymously to her husband...this will get the ball rolling....but beware of the consequenses on what you have started.

Answer 6

touchy, tricky, dangerous, just to name a few things... if she feels that strong about it she needs to sit down with mom and talk... but do not be surprised if mom does not want to talk about it... it is between mom and dad and really not any business of the childrens... adults have to answer only to themselves on these matters... God bless

Answer 7

if possible make a copy of the emails and give to dad.

Answer 8

you love your mother and your dad If this is bothering you confront your Mom with it...And hear her out .....And it is not your place to tell your Dad its your Moms Place...She needs to let Him no so your Hurting can stop...Either way she needs to be honest...God bless

Answer 9

don't worry, be happy.let them do,what they like.don't give any chance for physical attachment.