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Doc visit today...chance that cancer nodules are back. BP shot through the roof and they wanted to keep me. I took a car ride to calm down and pray. Got home at 9:30 at nite. Husband usually works nites and is up until morning. I am expecting to talk with him and say right out...I want you to help me with this, talk with me and sit with me so I feel better. I dont want to do this alone. He says I should not have been in the car riding around and he is going to bed because tomorrow he works at 5 am (shift change). I think he is a selfish oaf who just doesn't want to deal with anything that is not fun... I am asking for 15 mins. He says I should have come home sooner...then stares off into space and says go ahead talk. I take a deep breathe and say please give me the decency to look at me, sit up and talk this out...this is big. He says Im a control freak..by then my 15 mins is up and I am so upset I can't think. He goes back to sleep and I am here at the puter.... help.

2006-10-30 15:11:06 · 14 answers · asked by Sweetserenity 3 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

14 answers

I really feel bad for you. He may be scared. But you need to tell him if he will not help you , you are going to leave, and see what happens. May be he really dosent care. I hope thats not the case but men have a way of hiding their real feelings. He may be scared to see you so sick. Good luck I hope the best for you both.

2006-10-30 15:19:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kathy D 2 · 0 0

I am so sorry that you are dealing with such a jerk of a husband at a time like this. You don't deserve to be treated like that at all. I have been there though, I know exactly how you feel. The trouble is that most men are just not compassionate human beings like us women are. It is not as excuse for them, it is just how they are. And no matter what they will never choose to change for our benefit. You need to think about yourself now and not worry about him. Do you have a few girlfriends that you can talk to? Or a family member? I hope that you have a better support system then him. He is probably just afraid to deal with hearing all the bad news though. Men always tend to think, why bother talking about it, it won't help. I'm sure that he is worried about you deep down, he is just too manly to show it. You need to talk though, and that is understandable. You are in a good place. There are quite a few good people on here to talk to. Things will get better, they always do. Best of luck.

2006-10-30 23:40:43 · answer #2 · answered by Jeanne 4 · 0 0

I am very sorry that this is happening to you. He should be more supportive. He is your husband. He married you for better or for worst. Do you have any family or friends to talk to? Maybe he can't or won't deal with this at the moment? Not sure. You do need somebody to talk to. I wish you the best of luck. Nobody should go through something like this alone. I do understand the wanting to be alone. I have do that for different reasons.

2006-10-30 23:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by Justwondering 2 · 0 0

OMG...he is a self indulgent @ss. I know many handle things in differant ways but he really needs to put some things aside and put himself in your shoes. I'm very sorry for your misfortune. I cant imagine having a doc look at me and giving me that kind of news. You had every right to go for that drive. God has handed you this because you are a strong person. Many will learn from you....some will maybe when its too late. You dont need to put up w/his behavior. Your priority should be you and if he cant help w/that then its your right to do as you wish to make this easier on yourself. Its easy for me to sit here and say this is how he should be but in reality there might be a much larger picture here. For example...hes hurting and the medical bills are adding up...hes scared to death of losing you but needs to keep working to try to stay out of debt or worse yet ...lose the roof over your head. He may have alot on his shoulders and is in one big fog. Maybe he doesnt want to look weak and crumble before you but this is what he needs to do and you need him to do for you. Maybe you should ask him how he feels and what hes thinking. Its so easy to center the world around us and think we are in the worst situation but try to see through his eyes as well. Not that I agree w/how he is dealing w/this but if you love him you need to figure out away that will best suit you both and comfort each other. Once again...I am so so sorry for the bad news you have received and my prayers are w/you both.

2006-10-30 23:25:38 · answer #4 · answered by Ivory_Flame 4 · 0 0

there are two things that could be going on ,its up to you to work that out .One he is just plain selfish and doesn't care about you at all ,his work ,and sleep are more important than you.Or two ,he has had a hard time coping with your cancer and is scared stiff and so shuts down rather than deal with it.Men do that ,not Fair but true .If its the first ,well you would be better off on your own as he just makes it harder. If its two you need to break thro his wall and get him to open up ,then you may have the help you need .I hope its two but I really think it might by 1.Did he support you before?

2006-10-30 23:23:58 · answer #5 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 0 0

BEFORE you do anything at all -- talk to some cancer support personnel -- as well as a trusted counselor -- and that way, if the cancer nodules are back, they can help BOTH of you deal with the medical and other needs (including emotional for you!) of the cancer recurrance.

2006-10-30 23:30:36 · answer #6 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0 0

It sounds to me like he is in denial. Try and be patient with him. See if there is a friend or relative that can help you through this hard time. When your husband is ready to face facts, he will come to you. This is not a time for you to be holding resentments. It only makes your condition worse. Release the resentments and hope he comes around in his attitude about the situation.
Best wishes

2006-10-30 23:22:42 · answer #7 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0 0

yes he has the obligation to help. you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel about him not supporting you if it was him he would get mad if you wasn't supporting him..some men are just like that. and if you turn to someone else he would get mad and say you should have told me. you are his wife he need to be there for you. when you cry he should cry, and when you hurt he suppose to hurt to because you isn't feeling well. good luck i know what you are talking about my sister is in the same boat.

2006-10-30 23:21:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I don't think you can force him to be supportive. Many marriages break up over illness. How bad do you want to keep him?
Does your hospital have a cancer support group?

2006-10-30 23:26:13 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0 0

he sounds as if he is having trouble dealing with this.i know how hurt u must feel that he appears not to care.he sounds insensitive and his reaction has hurt you, perhaps tomorrow talk to him tell him how much u need him, and love him, and see how it goes. could mean he won't be there for you and that he is self serving and selfish, hopefully this is not the case.

2006-10-30 23:21:45 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0 0

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