what do u do?

Question

what do you do when ur married but the feelings arnt there anymore.....its not like they just left me....its over the past few momnths its been rocky....shes been talking to her ex a few times on the phone but they talk for hours.....she is constantly checking my phone bill for things, she get into my e-mail looking for things and she has been known to have a horried attitude for know reason. its like the things i do never makes her happy. i moved from my hometown to the city for her becasue she didnt likew it there. i had her flown from her house to mine about 3 times because she leaves all the time and for now reason. my friends all tell me that i should have left her a LONG time ago but for some reason i bring her back and take her back. but now that shes back this time its like whats the point.....she has done me wrong in more ways than one,with my money especially. she took over 2500 with both trips back home and left me for a weeks at a time and then calls and wants to comeback.

Answer 1

she checks on you because she is the one cheating on you.when someone is cheating they pick fights,name call,do hurtful things, and in general appear as if they are in a bad mood all of the time, because they are guilty.she is just trying to find a reason to leave again. if she can get you mad also she will somehow feel justified in what she is doing. personally i would take my money and put it in another account, she looks as if she is planning something dirty to do.it is certinly disrespectful to u for her to talk to her ex at all, must be something up. u keep taking her back because you don't like being alone, none of us do. but do yourself a favor and get rid of her before she does more to hurt you.she continues to do the same things because you have never set boundaries, she thinks your easy and she can always come back.

Answer 2

This is clearly a woman with low self-esteem. So that is the first problem, plus I see signs (mild) of depression and manic depression in her. Do you also see general irritability suddenly, (very high during her periods) ?

So there might be a case to treat her (Please visit
www.moodswing.org or www.mentalhealth.com for more details, also see bipolar disorder)

Now you have a couple of choices. First has she crossed the boundary, she might talk to Ex, but has she crossed the line.
Then you have to take a firm decision on what you want to do, as the problem has become malignant


If not, then first thing to ask yourself is honestly
a) Why do you want to live with her. Is it the TINA factor (There Is No Alternative)
b) What are the three good qualities in her,when she is NOT depressed
c) Does she care for you ?
d) How is integrity and does she respect you.
e) Do you love her despite the issues
f) Does she care for your family

If you see something positive in her, then you have to weight the advantages and treat her. Otherwise it is time to leave her and find somebody else for yourself


If you want to stay with her, these are the following things you have to do

For treating her
a) First you have to convince her. Most manic depression people, will always blame others for everything , getting a licensed helped of a psycho-therapist is important
b) work with her so that both of you nail down the circumstances which cause her to get to manic depression. This needs great patience not only from you but also from your family
c) maintain separate bank accounts is a must, since people with depression are known to go into spending sprees
d)As you longer periods of normal behaviour from her, she will feel confident that she is not getting those spurts that she might recover

Good luck

Answer 3

HIde everything of value that she might run off with, especially your credit cards.

Then sit her down and say "Look, I know you're going through my stuff. If you don't trust me we shouldn't be together. I'm not happy, you're not happy, We're done. I'm sorry I tried to drag it out for so long, I thought we could fix it." She can go live with her Ex or you can move, whatever's cheapest and easiest for you.

Someone who goes over your phone bill and e-mail to see if you're cheating is cheating.
She's obviously using you as more of a resource than a partner, I hope you guys don't have any kids. Break it off before you end up with child support, too.

Answer 4

Don't jump and do anything right now. But from experience i know that if the feeling is really gone it is gone for good. By the way, why is she talking to her ex, it does not sound like she has much invested in this marriage.

Answer 5

Come on buddy, get a grip. If you keep taking her back after she took money from you and talks to exes, etc., why wouldn't she come back? No one can make you do stuff to them. You are sitting there taking it, so you can't complain. Leave her.

Answer 6

Im going to have to agree with your friends, cause it sounds like she can't make up her mind over you and her ex and she has cost you money for it and thats not good now is it.

Answer 7

well i would say leave if you feel that way. but you guys can also try to get help. if that doesn't work then i would say leave. i know it's would hard and you love her. but you need to think what your life going to be like if she keep on like this. you need to pay attention to yourself too. but all i can say is follow your heart and would talk to someone. get help. but anyway good luck

Answer 8

I would leave her even though you don't have a fall back girl.... right now.

How crappie she is going to feel when she calls you asking to come back and... your not there.

Sucks to be her!

Answer 9

she is so lucky to have you as a sssooooo generous husband, she should treasure you, anything has limit, should give her a warning and see what will change.. you should not ssooo passive and soo soft hard

Answer 10

Please stop letting her use you. I am so angry with her because she is ruining you and you sound like such a good guy. Please let her go and stay gone, for your sake. You deserve someone better that will treat you better.