I am about to get married. I have been dating my fiancee for 3 years and we have had a pretty stable relationship. A couple of years ago, she had to work abroad for 3 months. During that time I got to spend a lot of time with her sister, who is a year younger. To make a long story short, things got out of hand. I slept with her sister and got her pregnant. Her sister's baby is actually mine. A DNA test has confirmed this beyond the shadow of doubt. Her sister and I agreed that this would never be spoken of again and we would take the truth to our graves. The problem is I am feeling a lot of remorse. The wedding day is drawing near and this guilt is killing me. She is so nice and so beatiful and she loves me so much, it breaks my heart to go on like this. Should I reveal the truth or keep the secret forever?
2006-10-30 14:41:34 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I cant believe no one has mentioned the fact of you stepping up to the plate and taking care of your son. You need to be a father to this child. You need to fess up now and deal w/your fiance and fatherhood. The child is the most important factor here and its precious time. Get your priorities straight. Your child needs you and one day you will need him. Things workout for the best. Honesty is the best policy. Wont it kill you to see your child on holidays or family reunions and not be able to say "I love you son" ? Wont this innocent child wonder about his father. What if this child has major medical issues and biological parents need to come forward. You really need not to hide from this.
2006-10-30 15:12:29 · answer #1 · answered by Ivory_Flame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! First of all, it's great you have a conscious! Secondly, How strongly do you believe in telling the truth? You made a mistake, you're human. Naughty on you for cheating! Ask yourself this: Can I live the rest of my life with this guilt I feel? You sound like an honest person. You should give your fiancee' the opportunity to hear the truth. Secrets have a way of finding daylight no matter what. If there ever was a time for honesty, it should be before you get married, instead of having your secret make its way out afterwards.
2006-10-30 14:49:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell her. You can't start a marriage based on a lie. She has the right to know and to decide for herself if she can fogive the two of you. If you love her and say you had a stable relationship, why sleep with her sister? That is horrible. You are dumb enough to sleep with her family member and not smart enough to use a condom. What did you think would happen? You don't deserve to be with your girlfriend. If you love her set her free. You shouldn't marry anyone when you are still sleeping around. You will only hurt her more if you marry her and keep this lie. Be a man for once in your life and do the right thing. Wouldn't you want to know if a kid she had was yours or someone elses and if she cheated on you? Be fair!
2006-10-30 14:48:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You certainly don't deserve someone like her thats for sure but if I were you I would keep the secret. If you tell her you run the risk of losing her forever and you will ruin a relationship between her and her sister. Her Sister isn't much of a sister either if she could do that to her. I feel sorry for her. The guilt your feeling is your punishment for having done that to her in the first place.
2006-10-30 15:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately should tell her. She deserves and has a right to know. You know it will come out one way or another ... just think how horrible it will be ... you may lose her but again you may be able to keep her? The 3 of you could take that secret to your graves?
Don't marry her without telling her ... you know you'll tell her, or her sister might out of spite, or the child you have may have something happen and need an organ or something from parents ...
Be a man and be honest. Try to put the shoe on the other foot ... how would you feel if the positions were reversed ... wouldn't you want to know?
Best of luck
2006-10-30 14:46:03 · answer #5 · answered by lesbiandyke 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you love her let her know this, atleast that is what she deserves if anything. If you choose not to say anything it will eat at you everyday for what you have done and it should bother you. If you cared enough to marry her then why did you do such a thing. Hope the best for you and her but i'm sorry that is low and i really dont think you two could work this out without help from a councelor or something. It will take time how will she trust you again
2006-10-30 14:50:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a child wasn't involved I would say to keep your lip zipped. Unfortunately, the kid makes all the difference in this picture. There is no flipping way you are going to be able to keep this a secret. You are going to have to pay child support. How would you explain that monthly bill to your future wife? The child will sooner or later want to know who its father is. There are just too many reasons to come clean on this one. If it doen't call off the wedding, I will be very surprised. But you absolutely have to come clean about it before you get married.
I hope it works out for the best.
2006-10-30 14:54:46 · answer #7 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU MUST TELL YOUR FIANCE!!! you think this is complicated now??? just wait...this will get even more complicated later. Not only you slept with her sister but you got her pregnant, and you didn't tell her about it??? ....she deserves to know the truth, and expect her to go over her mind, what you did will devastate her, but if you tell her now..at least you can give her the opportunity to either stop the wedding or give you a second chance (probably not), but she needs to know before getting married. I know for you must be very hard to accept that you betrayed her with HER OWN sister, but the same way you had the b*lls to have sex with her sister now I hope you have them to tell her the truth!!! Besides she needs to know that she will be the stepmother of her own niece/nephew.
2006-10-30 14:54:19 · answer #8 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you think will be worst, you telling her now or her finding out after the wedding? Either way it's going to destroy her. I know you don't want to hear this, but you betrayed her and her trust. Keeping this secret, is not helping anyone but you and the sister. She needs to know about her sister, and she needs to make up her mind if she wants to still marry you.
You are forever in her life now, because now you are the father of her niece or nephew.
2006-10-30 14:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell her because you wouldn't want her to keep a secret like from you. you need to stop and think what if something happen on down the road. that the baby need some blood from you. you need to tell her. because if you love her like you say you do you would come clean. and what if you and her have a child and the baby come out looking just like your other baby by her sister. that secret will come out sooner or later. i know someone that are in the same boat as you and there babies look just alike. tell her if you really love her give her a chance to make up her mind if she still want to marry you. good luck
2006-10-30 14:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋