how do you know it's time to walk away from your marriage?

Question

I've been married for 5 years (I'm only 26). It seems like nothing is changing for the better. I'm not happy, and I feel like i'm crying all the time. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore. He just wants things his way and doesn't like to compromise. I bend over backwards for him, but he doesn't seem to notice. I feel i deserve better. My feelings are seriously starting to change. I'm not sure If i'm still in love.

Answer 1

If you are lucky enough to have been with this jerk for 5 years and you haven't had kids with him then I would walk away and care about yourself enough to find some one who will love you the way you need to be loved... Good Luck.

Answer 2

Love is not a feeling...its a commitment and an action (taken from Rick Warren's Book Better Together). That means I can choose to act lovingly towards the people in my life any time. I can choose love as the way to end a fight or start the day. If you are looking for a hot steamy romance, chances are so is the person who is no longer sleeping in your bed....for me at the 5 year mark I made a dedicated effort to write down all the things I thought we would be doing if we were truly in love..and then start doing them, even when if felt forced to write love letters or buy gifts/cards. For a long time, it helped and eventually it felt more real... I also realized I had stopped doing all the things we do naturally when we date... men need to be appreciated, acknowledged, admired and accepted.... when was the last time you just hung out to watch him work? mentioned how strong he is? or thanked him for whatever? when they asked me this stuff I realized I didn't even have a vocabulary for that sort of thing anymore...we were so far off base from working so hard we didn't know how to appreciate and compliment one another... now I am at the 23 year mark and asking myself the same question all over again... so for what its worth....its a lot of work. marriage is not easy....making a commitment to love someone for the long haul is hard.... I had a girlfriend remind me that all the trade-ins are still men....and every new relationship will still involve one common demonimator... me. God bless you both... I hope you find your happiness.

Answer 3

you got married way to young
and now you bear thew fruits of that
move on
after the divorce
you realize neither one of you really loved each other
oh sure you had passion and what not in the beginning
but that alone will not sustain a marriage
sooner or later reality will hit
and that's when you realized your mistake
hopefully you have no children
as divorce is easier this way
ideally both of you should have developed careers, find out who you realyl are with likes and dislikes
chance are if that were to held true neither one of you would be attraced to each other as your core values would be different
and different enough for you never even consider dating
but at a very young age you do not think that way
you do not think long term
but only short term
that's why you are now unhappy
take from this a hard learned lesson
and next time around you find yourself looking for a man ( not a boy like you married ) with core values to sustain a relationship
and not just to have heat and passion

Answer 4

He sounds like he is a controlling person. Someone you love can accually kill the feelings you had for them to the point that when you look at them, you do not even like them any more and that is sad. You have to think of yourself. No one has the right to mentally abuse you or abuse you in any other way. It does not sound like has has any respect for you. You are young and can start over.You could try counseling but, i think he would only tell them and you what you want to hear.If he really wanted a divorce, he would have been gone. Maybe he likes the comforts of the home life you provide.You say you bend over backwards and he does not notice. Stop cooking, laundry, clean, etc.... He will notice. Best of luck

Answer 5

The first and most important tip off is what your heart is telling you, what you really feel. Forget the "supposed to be" or the "polite stuff routine." It is time to learn the lesson of trusting your heart and not your head.
It sounds like he does not love you (love is selfless, not selfish). I think when you say that you deserve better, that this is your heart telling you that it needs a pure and honest love and knows that it wont be found in someone who holds on to selfish thoughts and actions. One thing I learned about love was that when it was hurt by deception, I could not ever get it back, even though I hoped so much to feel it again, and learned in time how fragile love truly is. If you are not happy inside and life is a bit dark, and you're not sure if you are in love anymore, then you are not in love, and there is no reason on earth or in heaven to stay in a relationship that doesn't allow love to grow. Every heart needs much more than what you have described, even those who hide from their feelings.

Answer 6

a few things to think of first. Try to talk to him. If he just doesn't want to take the time then let him know that you are thinking of leaving. If he will join counseling great. If there is no compromise then nothing can be fixed. No matter how hard you try. If your not in love then you need to end it. It is not fair to live with someone pretending to be in love. It's called a lie. So think hard first, communicate and then decide. Good luck.

Answer 7

It is hard this thing called marriage. I once heard it's a 90/10 relationship. I must agree. We women give so much more than we get in return. However if you are not in love with him any longer, you are unhappy, feel like crying then I would say this is the time to say goodbye and get a divorce attorney. You are young yet and can find someone who is more suitable for you. One who will treat you with respect and dignity. Don't live your life unhappy life is much too short for that.

Answer 8

It's time to walk away, all your love for each other is gone. You are to young to live in a loveless marriage, You need to find happiness and so does he, When you marry someone there no guarantee that you are going to stay in love. You both need to sit down and talk and then walk and find someone that makes you happy. Best of Luck To The both of You.

Answer 9

Get into counseling together. If not together then by yourself. You got married young, and your brain doesn't even finish developing until 25. You are a different person. If you want ot make it work, you have to get on the same page and communicate, before you grow too far apart.

Answer 10

wow. I swear that this is exactly how i feel and am asking myself the same things. I know for myself that the mere thought of asking myself if i'm still 'in love' was huge. marriage is so hard. especially since you are so young. Weigh your options very carefully. And maybe start doing things for yourself. Stop focusing so much on him and do things to make you happy. Good luck to you.