tell me what you think of a husband who posted this?....?

Question

"i just want to have someone to communicate after work. I am an engineer working in a telecommunications company also work part-time at a universtity teaching computer programming".

he posted this somewhere in the net year 2000, i just found out recently.. recalling those times, i remember i was pregnant with our 3rd child then... i am feeling really insecure now because as i recall those were the times when i have been feeling so alone.. why didn't he had just come home earlier and talked with me...
i really just can't get over this even after thinking it over that that was posted 6 years ago...

Answer 1

First & foremost, put your calm on. You mentioned feeling so alone & being pregnant. You may have been inadvertently been pushing him away & not even known it. It sounds like things at that time were hectic in your lives, relationship etc. I would sit down with him & talk with him about it. Being open & honest & calm will accomplish a lot, & hopefully if he hasn't forgotten about it, he'll be able to give you the answer you need.
As for your insecurity... it only came about "after" you found this posting. Have you noticed any difference in his attitude, demeanor, &/or relationship with you? Is he more distant, or nicer?
In reading the posting again, it sounds like he was pretty strung out, stressed out & just wanted someone to unload on besides you. Maybe what he was feeling then, if he had told you, you might have taken it to be harsh & negative at that point. Pregnancy causes women's emotions to run really high & somewhat out of control. Give him a chance to explain, if he remembers it.

Answer 2

Here are my thoughts. People hide themselves (their inner self) and sometimes will not consciously know why, because they are afraid to look at something in the past, such as hurt to the heart. He does have trouble in his heart if he can't come home and talk his mind freely. People wake up at different times to the importance of honesty and what the human heart requires of them. The human heart at length rejects being alone in a relationship. It is probably time to have him put it all on the table, flat out. It would appear you are both experiencing damage from something, and the only way to move on in life is to find the exact source that caused the abnormal behavior and betrayal six years ago. Trust is so fragile. True love is strong.

Answer 3

Okay, that was a long time ago and you were both probably overwhelmed with the 3rd child coming. But never the less, you don't want to let it go. Ask him what it was about and tell him how this makes you feel now. But be adult, don't go nuts. Try to talk calmly throught it. Try to have him see things from your perspective and you do the same. You are both human, and perhaps this is an opportunity to grow closer.

Answer 4

hmmmm sounds like a communication problem. I would be hurt by it and you need to understand that that was 6 years ago and still unresolved.
Talk to him and ask him why? Tell him how you are feeling now by finding out just recently. Feeling insecure now is probably a justified emotion.
Talk it over or you will never know.

Answer 5

I understand your feelings and yes he should have come to you to communicate with after work. Whatever he was thinking then is beyond our understanding. Maybe he felt left out. You have to remember men think differently than we do. Confront him with it. Allow him to know you found out. Explain, an explanation is warranted because there were times you were lonely but never solicited for someone to communicate with you.
Ask him what was the idea in this? Why would you risk your marriage for this? Get the answers you need, you deserve them..

Answer 6

Although I don't want to side with him, sometimes people just need to talk with an outside source. Maybe there were things on his mind that he thought you didn't need to deal with, or he just wasn't ready to confront them yet, with you. ( I sure do hope it wasn't that he was looking for something else.... and you know what I mean.) Let's give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe you should ask him about it. (Don't be surprised if he plays dumb, or really has forgotten all about it.) Good luck.

Answer 7

Your upset because you feel you have failed him in his time of need. Listen to how you phrased this.... "why didn't he... just come home earlier and talk to me..."

That's normal... remember you can't always be there for him, not always.

So... don't fail him now. Tell him what you saw and let him know that you will always be there to talk to him about anything he wants to talk about.

Now.. if he cheated on you... thats another answer.

Answer 8

He was wrong to post this. Believe me he has probably other posts, you have not found yet. You need to confront him and have it out, he made a commitment to you and anything else he does, he needs to put you first. Get counseling and talk it all out.Good Luck.

Answer 9

do u have any reason to believe he is now cheating or has ever? if not i would not be too concerned, i would confront him, not yelling or anything but letting him know how hurt you feel, and how much you really love him, let him know he can talk to you anythime, about anything, so he does not have to feel the need to look outside your marriage for anyone else.

Answer 10

I have alot of trash like that in my past with my hubby too & my best friend told me if I intend on staying with him I have to let it go & build our relationship from today.I think if you forgave him you need to move on & try to work on the marriage if he is a good man.