i have been married for 4 and a half years to a man that i love just not in a married way i feel like he is more of a friend than a husband and i am not attracted to him anymore and i think i am still in love with my ex. please help
2006-10-30 14:18:34 · 27 answers · asked by crazy_redneck_chic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you living my life or what? Same situation here. I do love him, but he is extremely irresponsible to the point that our family suffers. Our lights were turned of for about 2 months at one point. i do have unconditional love for him, but as a friend. I need a man that can help me, or i can do bad by myself. As far a telling him, I don't know. Haven't really conqured that one myself. I'm planning to file for a legal seperation because i believe that he would take that easier than a divorce. I don't think I should have him served though, I feel i shoud file and serve him myself so i can hopefully break it to him gently. I'm just as lost as you,good luck.
2006-10-30 14:36:35 · answer #1 · answered by PRL8268 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people can be so harsh with their criticism especially when they don't even know the half of what you are saying. Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he doesn't love you the same as he did before. Before you try to rekindle with your ex think of why you want to. Does he remind you of that young girl you were when you guys dated? Maybe it's not the ex you want back maybe it's yourself. Marriages take a lot of work and we forget who we are in the process. Try to think how you would feel if your husband told you that he didn't love you and he was thinking of his ex. I've been married 11 years and I have had the same feelings for my high school sweet heart. I never contacted him but I did see him again in a store. I didn't approach him. I realized that it wasn't him I missed it was me. If you still consider your husband your friend I believe you will find the best thing to do for you!! Good Luck!!
2006-10-30 23:00:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOUUUCCHHH!!
Sadly----there's no way to tell someone you want a divorce without making them feel bad. Have you ever heard of someone feeling good after being hit with something like that?
Honesty is the only thing that will enable you to speak your mind however, and not regret it later.......although I don't think I would tell him about your possible love for your x.
But before you start any balls rolling here....there's a few things to consider....
Why did you marry him in the first place?
Are there feelings/emotions/behaviors that could be "rekindled"?
Do you want to throw out the last 4 years of marriage over an X that you 'think' you may still love? And is that x even free or feeling the same way to make throwing out your marriage worth it?
What is it about your husband that you DO love?
How in love with you is he?
Could you express your feelings of distance to him in that you could work on bridging the gap together?
Would you want to?
It's just a little early in the marriage to totally end it over something you "think" you feel. In the end, you have to do what your heart tells you to do......just be honest about it both with him and yourself.
2006-10-30 22:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you have to sit him down and tell him how you feel. Tell him why you feel the way you do and why you think getting a divorce is the effective way of solving your problem. Open those lines of communication with him and see where you will land.
But you really ought to think about his side of this. I mean, he's still in love with you and you'll leave him all alone if you divorce him. I really can't say that he won't feel bad because the person that he loves is leaving him and he won't have anyone to hold on to. If you must do this, be considerate of what his future might be, because a divorce is not just about you, it's about the both of you.
2006-10-30 22:25:15 · answer #4 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the ex should not be a FACTOR at all in you wanting a divorce now. You need to really think about what your doing. You should not be ready to give up a husband over thoughts of a ex. You are going to hurt your husband you should try to get some therapy before telling him you want a divorce give you some time to talk to him in counseling about your problems.
2006-10-30 22:25:06 · answer #5 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't working out. Secondly, I'm glad to see that you are ready to nip it in the bud before you drag it out and hurt the both of you.
I would suggest making a list of pros and cons of your relationship... such as... bad communication or good communcation... things that you had in common but no longer have in common... you don't spend as much time together anymore... etc...
If it mainly YOU feeling the way you do, and nothing he has done, then it is really best to tell him this.
If you are (or think you are) still in love with your ex, It is time to see a therapist and try to get over it... Ex's are Ex's for a reason! (not being rude, thats just how it is)
Maybe if you and your husband have lost touch with one another, some couples therapy might be good for you. You can't say it wont help until you try it.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-30 22:23:20 · answer #6 · answered by brown eyes 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no easy way to drop that bomb.
However, have you made an effort on your part to bring fresh things and energy to the relationship? I have to tell you, going back with your ex usually, in the long run, winds up to be the same thing as what you have now. Eventually, you'll be bored again. Being married isn't easy. That's because you have to keep trying to reinvent yourself as you grow up and stay in touch with someone who is doing the same thing. Don't lose touch, try harder, and forget out the ex. The grass is always greener and it wasn't that great the first time.
2006-10-30 23:16:02 · answer #7 · answered by bigwheeler19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well aren't you just a sweetheart!! NOT!
After 41/2 years of marriage you have decided that you just don't love him in a "married way". So now you start pining for your ex, & you want us to furnish you with a way that you can dump your husband without being "The Bad Guy".
Well there's no avoiding it. You are the "Bad Guy" here.
You stink!
2006-10-30 22:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you for real?
How do you tell someone your going to rip their heart out and it's not going to hurt.
What a silly question.
Here is your answer... sour milk today is sour milk tomorrow even if you put it back into the refrigerator. It didn't work with your ex, it isn't working with your husband, your not the marrying type.
Your a player and you should hook up with as many guys in your life time as you can. Seek a new profession if you know what I mean.
2006-10-30 22:29:43 · answer #9 · answered by BeArPaW_4709 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is an impossibility, or near enough. You just have to bite the bullet and tell him. There is no magic formula for it. I personally think you are crazy to leave a man you consider a friend because there aren't fireworks each and every time you kiss him. Maybe you need to grow up and reconsider your decision. A good man is extremely hard to find. Count your blessings.
2006-10-30 23:34:58 · answer #10 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋