I really love him but i can't tell him, i don't want to lose him, but I can't do nothing, there might be a chance he has feelings, but what if not? Neither he or anyone knows about me, and if found out, would be terrible. I just can't wait forever but what if he found out and did not reciprocate, would kill me, what can i do? Please help me, what can i do?
2006-10-30 13:17:01 · 24 answers · asked by Toby 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Toby, the best thing you can do is get over him. I've been there myself, and it would have been a lot worse if he knew how I felt. Your mate's straight so there's no point in telling him you like him. Sure, you may believe that he MIGHT be gay or at least bi, but chances are he's NOT. You have to move past it. You're best friends, you spend a lot of time together, that's why you've developed these feelings. Chances are you ain't been with many/any people and these feelings you have aren't really 'real'. I still fancy my best mate like crazy, and I was sure I was in love with him for ages, but I knew I couldn't tell him so I tried my damn hardest to forget, and I did!! I'm always getting 'feelings' for my mates, and I mean STRONG feelings. I think it's 'cos they show an interest in me which I take the wrong way and think "well they might be gay, hmmm..." and it stems from there.
2006-10-30 14:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by ©Wayne© 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Best Thing To Do In This Case Is To Tell Him Trust Me + If You Love Him The Way You Say You Do It Shouldnt Hurt to Loose Him As a Friend B/c If The Realtionship Cant Stay @ least As Friends Then Hes Not That Of A Great Friend Now Is He? You Need To Tell Him I Mean Its A 50/50 chance That Hell Say He Like You Back I Say Just Go For It!!!!
2006-10-30 21:22:04 · answer #2 · answered by WISSEN IST ENERGIE!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been on the other side of the question; the "straight" man. What ended up happening was that HE (you, in this case) ended up very, very hurt and upset.
He came out and professed his love for me. By the time he did, it was completely obvious to me and everyone around. I was flattered, really and sincerely. I wasn't at the time of life to be able to make such a choice ( i.e. love him) and was very much in love with my girlfriend at the time. I told him all this, and...
He was O.K. for a week, maybe two. Then he withdrew and became very distant. My 'best friend' now kept making excuses to me not to do things we used to enjoy. Sooon he stopped coming to campus altogether. About a month later I has no contact with him at all...
But his friends and mine still saw each other, and the stories of hate I heard second-hand were, simply, unbelievable.
A month after that, he flew 2,000 miles away to start a new life.
I've never seen or heard from him again. And he was a dear friend.
2006-10-31 03:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by timetampering 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes "wanting" someone may be more pleasurable than "having" someone. You may have set up for yourself an impossible "ideal" person, embodied in the person of your best friend. This phenomenon is similiar to the people who so "lovingly" obsess on their favorite rock star, movie actor/actress, etc, that it ruins the rest of their relationships.
Sorry to break your bubble, but you are not "IN LOVE" with this other man. Love is something that grows mutually, not singularly. You may have some feelings of affection and even some physical attraction, but whatever it is, it lacks the real depth required for real love. Case in point: your "best friend" doesn't even know you are gay.
A real loving relationship requires two people interacting on an increasingly intimate level. Hearts and minds are shared more than bodies. Lacking that trust in your friend, to be honest about how you feel about sex, indicates a serious lack of emotional and mental intimacy.
Start with being honest with yourself and the people you feel you truely love. Do your parents know? Siblings? Friends? Co -workers?
Love others enough to be truthful with them. About everything. Anything less isn't really love.
2006-10-30 21:36:04 · answer #4 · answered by MamaBear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him a question to find out how he feels about gay people such as "What do you think about that n'sync guy who came out as gay?" That way you will have an idea of how he feels about gay people. If he is OK with it and he is truly your best friend you should be honest with him and tell him you are gay. If he is truly a best friend he will accept you for who you are. If he doesn't accept you, then he wasn't much of a friend to begin with. If your friend hasn't told you he is straight, he could be in the closet, he could be bi, or he could be straight. If he is straight, you aren't going to make him gay and by telling him you are you at least will know how he feels and won't keep worrying over it, and you can then look for someone that you can love who will love you back.
2006-10-30 21:36:43 · answer #5 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you tell him you're gay and you want hm to still be your friend that's one thing.
It very different to want a straight guy to get involved in an intimate relationship with another man. He probably can't do it. Anymore that you would want that kind of a relationship with a woman.
You are going to get hurt either way, the best you can hope for is to save the friendship.
2006-10-30 21:29:24 · answer #6 · answered by arvis3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say if you value his friendship, there is nothing you can do. It's not meant to be. It's very hurtful for you, but it's an impossible situation. It's much better to wait until the right person and situation comes along. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but I can't see any other solution.
2006-10-30 21:23:37 · answer #7 · answered by Starscape 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't know if he might be gay or not for sure, right? I suggest you open up to him first about your being gay. You can determine the possibility of him liking you or not from there. If you can't get yourself to tell him the truth about your sexual preference, then you should try telling other friends about it. He will surely get the word from them. Check his reaction when he does learn about it. If he reacts well, if he does not shun you in any way, then this would be a better time for you to tell him about your feelings for him. But approach this with caution. He may be able to accept your being gay, but accepting your feelings for him is another story. Best of luck!
2006-10-30 21:30:55 · answer #8 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to move on with your life. Your friend is not gay, and its wrong of you to put yourself in the position of unrequited love. You need to look at the reasons why you would choose someone you know you can't have, it might be that you feel safer there.
Move on, and be strong. Love is out there, you just need to be available for it.
2006-10-30 22:22:27 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you either have to choose your friendship or being honest.
if u tell him he might be creeped out. but if u dont itll eat you up on the inside. if hes a real friend hell accept you for who you are. if not then whatever with him.
2006-10-30 21:36:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋