I want my boyfriend to stop sleeping with my girlfriend...we have been having threesomes for a year now, and he recently told me he is infatuated with her and he can't stop thinking about it.
2006-10-30 11:18:26 · 11 answers · asked by ~Why~ 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
He told me on Thursday that he is infatuated with her. What is that suppossed to mean? He said he doesn't love her, because it is strictly sex with her, but I think he just wants to have his way with her and be in control of the situation...when this all started I have been the one to call the shots, but I think if he has control for once then he'll get past this feeling of infatuation. Does this make sense? Should I have another encounter with them and just let him have strict control and then ask him how he feels after...or am I just setting myself up for him to just have more of a connection with her now that he confessed this?
2006-10-30 11:40:58 · update #1
PS - We have been together for 7 years.
2006-10-30 12:39:40 · update #2
Leave both of them. They shouldnt want to disclude you and she shouldnt want anyone but you. And your friend shouldnt sleep with her either.
2006-10-30 11:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend wants control. It sounds to me like he wants both of you sexually, but he wants to keep open with you emotionally. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, you may have to figure that out.
As to giving him control for a night, I would say that would be a good thing to do if you do it for the right reasons. It won't stop anything. It will probably make him want more control, or control more often.
I'm not entirely sure I understand what your concern is. Are you upset that he's sexually attracted to your girlfriend? If so, why does that surprise you? Are you afraid they're going to run off together? From what you've described, I doubt that. Are you afraid he's going to want to be with her alone, without you? That might be a concern, but if he's trying to keep things open with you, I think shutting him down might make that more likely rather than less likely.
Think of it this way: right now, he has you fulfilling him emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. In addition to that, he gets her every so often when you're okay with it. She doesn't fulfill him emotionally or spiritually. He can either keep things the way they are, and keep being fulfilled by you emotionally and spiritually, and enjoy what he has, or he can mess with things, go behind your back, hurt you, loose you, and be left with one girl who is struggling to fulfill him physically. Which makes more sense?
I'm not promising you he's a rational man. But somewhere in him there is a knowledge of all this. Just like water, people will usually choose the course of least resistance and least change. You've been at this for a year, if it changes, you're going to have to be really clear with him why it's changing, and you can't put it all on his shoulders. You knew going into it that these kinds of relationships tend to either grow closer or grow further apart. He grew closer.
Also, think of this: he grew closer to her, and you're in the middle, so that means he has to have grown closer to you. With you in the middle, he can't get closer to her without getting closer to you.
All in all, I think if you give him control of the situation, I think it's going to start to evolve from a once-in-a-while-threesome, into more of a three way relationship, where you and your girlfriend and he all share each other equally. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, it could be the most awesome relationship of any of your lives, but it doesn't sound like where you want to go.
What do I recommend? I recommend that you take even more control of the situation: maybe try something a little more extreme, like you and your girlfriend tie him up and go at it. Then talk to him about the experience with you in more control. See how it makes him feel. If it turns him off, talk about why. Talk about what the event meant to him, and what it meant to you. Talk to him, and decide how you would like to see your relationship go as a couple.
2006-10-31 02:17:04 · answer #2 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Honey, I want us to stop having threesomes. Let's dicuss this matter, ok?"
Then talk about it. I don't know the whole story, but it sounds to me like you're becoming worried that he is falling in love with your girlfriend, and that is unacceptable for you. Talk openly, don't be accusatory, but set ground rules (which should have been and hopefully were done before this thing started). If he breaks them after you lay down the rules, then the relationship isn't worth it. If he loves you, he will be willing to be understanding of your feelings.
2006-10-30 11:29:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
while you're perplexed or in any way hesitant, do no longer do it. do no longer enable him to stress you into doing something you do no longer choose for to do. an limitless majority of the time, a threesome would not cement a dating, particularly it exposes the cracks interior the beginning up. Many adult males have this fantasy. an fairly small proportion of them certainly get to stay it out. Your bf isn't lacking out on some perfect-of-passage or something that each and one and all his pals are doing. and picture if the request have been reversed -- are you able to think of him granting you the parable of two adult males? If it extremely is not any longer a 2-way street, that's a dealbreaker.
2016-11-26 20:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well unfortunately your boyfriend now has a taste for a threesome, whether your in his life or not. It will never be the same again hun. If I were you I'd get out of the relationship and find a more sound one...Good luck.
2006-10-30 11:56:50 · answer #5 · answered by Lipstick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend's a scumbag. Just dump him. He doesn't deserve you or your girlfriend. He's just using you both. Oh, and you might wanna consider hooking up with your girlfriend solely. Now that's a relationship I can see going somewhere.
First things first: DUMP the user.
2006-10-30 11:22:07 · answer #6 · answered by - iceman - 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to break it to you, but you sort of created this monster. You can lay it down to him, but like most 3-somes, it usually ends up with the one person leaving with the other, or no one talking anymore. Good luck.
2006-10-30 12:10:27 · answer #7 · answered by socalicd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn, you have two people and I can't even get one. :(
Just tell him to stop "sleeping with my/our girlfriend". Kinda easy. I think the difficulty here is that you don't want to lose him.
2006-10-30 11:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
time for adecision on his part. Eith for you who hs has loved, or a casual sexual thing. hisanswer will tell you where this goes for you
2006-10-30 15:33:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds horrible. You should leave, but if possible take her with you - that would serve him right.
2006-10-30 11:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by JBoy Wonder 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋