That is the question my wife of 27 years asked me. I love her but that does not seem to be a good enough answer. When we married we entered into to Holy covenant before God and the two flesh became one. Losing her is losing part of me. This is not an answer she wants to hear. Any thoughts? By the way she has filed for divorce.
2006-10-30 10:45:16 · 18 answers · asked by kmf_1234 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her what you just wrote. I think it is beautiful.
2006-10-30 10:48:49 · answer #1 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be a man don't be weak in her face. Ask her why she wants a divorce, there might be some reasons. Try to get the reasons. If still it doesn't work let her go her own way. You got nothing to lose except someone who doesn't want to live with you.
And trust me as long as you are inoccent God will provide something/someone for you.
2006-10-30 11:31:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age your belief can't stop a divorce if your spouse wants it.
If you want to work on your marriage then you are going have to look outside of the box. Just because in your mind your are religiously connected that stop either one of you being a jerk in some way in the marriage. Look at the real problems and figure out how to avoid those problems in the future (either with your current spouse or someone else).
2006-10-30 11:05:02 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is not want you want to hear but it is human nature to want what you know you cannot have.
If she does not want to be with you any longer there is really nothing you can do about it. Try to move on with your life. Stay busy to occupy your time and eventually look into the dating scene again. I am sorry that I do not have more words of encouragement. Times like this are difficult. Just stop and think....are you going to miss her or the thought of her? Are you going to miss the routine and habits that the two of you lived day to day or are you going to miss having HER in your life? You will make it though and remember that which does not kill us makes us stronger and this too shall pass. You will be okay.
2006-10-30 11:03:18 · answer #4 · answered by whatshername 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard to let go of someone you love very much... But the reality is if she doesn't you need to let go... If you were good to her, she will eventually see that she lost something good...\
The only thing I can tell you, is tell her exactly how you feel, if she still doesn't change her mind. Then do the nobile thing and let go....
Keep yourself busy and be around people that will support you... In time the Lord will send you some one special that will love you back the way you deserve....
Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-10-30 11:29:00 · answer #5 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you ask her what made her fall in love with you in the first place AND what made her fall out of love with you? she might have filed for divorce but it might be a threat to make you shape up and take notice that something needs to change. maybe...? she wants for you to say that if she doesnt love you then you wont love her. dont give that to her, because that isnt the truth. tell her over and over how much you love her but be a man. be that patient gentle spirit that is strong as well. maybe she feels you are weak and doesnt like that. like a puppy. or a kid, she doesnt want a man who is another kid, she wants a husband. dont know, just a thought.
2006-10-30 11:18:25 · answer #6 · answered by Hurray for the ANGELS! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well unfortunately it seems like she has fallen out of love and the sacrament of marriage is not as sacred to her as it is to you...you believe that without her you are not whole...but for her that is not the case...best advice is stop trying to convince her that you love her...you've done your best ...and now all you can do is wait and see how things will turn out...give it some time and if you are a religious person...pray about your marriage and pray for your wife...good luck :)
2006-10-30 10:54:00 · answer #7 · answered by Dianna J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am just wondering which way around she is asking this? - I say this because it is an open-question and reads both ways to me.
On the one hand, "does not want you" seems to imply three meanings and possibilities for me and they are as follows:
She does not want you
God does not want her
you do not want her
I am assumming however, because of her divorce proceedings that it is the obvious one - "she does not want you" but the reasons for this, she hasn't given any. This cryptic code presents you with too much and too little information and you can only assumme the first one to be more accurrate given her divorcing you.
I think perhaps, writing her note back asking something like: "Why do I want someone who doesn't me" would be perfectley within your rights to do and turn the question around on her. If she is choosing to leave you because she does not love you anymore, then that is her decision of course, but nevertheless a very painful thing for you to have to go through.
If she is choosing to leave because she does not love or beleive in god anymore then this would be like betraying your beleifs and maybe she thinks you love god more then her?. But it seems from reading your question that it has more do with the fact that she feels you do not want her - enough even though you love her as you do.
Her committment to you and perhaps her life to god has also meant that she feels that she has sacrificed so much of herself that she has also felt her own personal needs for growth to be stumped and she has now come to resent you for asking too much of her as your wife?.
So, what she is saying is that why do you want her or need her when if all she can ever be to you is a dutiful wife, and not for being anything more then this?. You are joined so strongly that she has no sense of her own self in the relationship and feels a little suffocated by the marriage as she does protected by it.
Women, whether or not they are religious, need more than marriage in their lives,because we all strive to be so much more than this even though we love our partners dearly. We need to be able to discover who we are apart from a marriage and not because we do not value or worship the marriage. It is human nature to want to discover who we we really are and what our potential as individuals are.
No marriage can survive on just god and committment to him and our love for our partners alone. There has to be more than this and why we as human beings, seek an education, another purpose in our lives asides from marriage. It is a crime to hold each other back from what we want to do with our lives and why marriages rarely survive.
It is beautiful to have the bonding, the security of a marriage, but not if it is full of rules and punishments that the church often preach a man should be evrything to god. A man or woman are by nature, curious about the world, themselves and should be allowed to explore their worlds however which way they choose. We also live in modern times and many women would would leave a man if she feels he is going to restrict her from her goals in life.
This applies to men too. We commit to so much more than just our bodies and souls when we enter into marriage, we committ to the right to be and do what we dream and aspire to as a couple and as individuals.
The commitment you share perhaps was too suffocating?. You never gave each other time and freedom to be seperate idenities in a marriage. This is essential for it to work. So your wife may be saying that you love her and she you, but that whether or not you need her or she needs you is the question.
To love and need are two different things. Flesh become one doesn't mean flesh beome conditional. Your love to her was on the condition that she loves and commits to you whole. Not one living sould I know can do this because love is unconditional and you love on the premise that she has her own identity in the marriage just as you should have.
So you cannot need her when you only need her for yourself and not for who she is on her own merits. This is the crux of the message she is trying to get accross. You cannot make her a whole person, nor can god. A person becomes whole because of a combination of everything and that way, they can need the person most when they are willing to accept them on these grounds.
She can't need you if you don't need her.
2006-10-30 13:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like what my (now ex) husband said after 24 years....he was in love with someone else, but didn't have the balls to tell me.
I got over him, and am remarried to a smarter, funnier, handsomer man who makes me very very happy.
Let her go...you did your part to honor the vows--SHE is the one who will have to face God.
Good luck to you, and God bless...
2006-10-30 11:25:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going thru a break up ,and it hurts like hell,He has already moved on and I still love him with all my heart,It is very hard,but I am hoping with time the pain will go.You are not alone. HANG IN THERE!
2006-10-30 11:06:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
we have no control over anyone, but ourselves. i know it hurts alot,but what's important is how you react to this. know that sometimes all this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with that they have found someone else. all the talk in the world won't change a thing, we try to rationalize with them,we even bear our hearts, only to be struck down and humiliated. let her go,say nothing.get a good support system, friends, family, your church if you have one, and god.
2006-10-30 10:53:08 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋