Why are so many people hostile towards children that act out?

Question

ALL children, no matter how well behaved usually act out at one time or another.
Do you think it's right to judge parents just because you caught them on a bad day?

Answer 1

I'm going to assume you are a Lesbian mom as you posted your parenting question in GLBT.

The answer is going to be the same, no matter what your sexuality is.

When you choose to become a parent, that was your choice. No one else's. There is nothing more selfish than a parent who ignores and worse, defends bad behavior in their kids. I'm going to go out on an unpopular limb and say that yes, in all cases it is your fault as the parent. If you haven't trained your kids how to be socially acceptable and you take them out in public and their behavior bothers the rest of us, then its your fault. If you are out too late, way past dinner, are doing things that are not child appropriate or simply can't take control of them, then yes, its your fault. Its no one else's fault but yours if your kids are unruly and misbehave. Somewhere along the way you decided parenting was too hard.

I don't want my meal disturbed by your kids when I'm at a restaurant. I don't want my movie disturbed in the theater. I don't want to be trapped with them screaming and fussing on an airplane. I don't want to be bothered with them running around a mall, or department store. I don't want to answer their ill mannered questions or need for attention because you aren't doing your job.

Yeah, I'm intolerant to lazy, neglectful parents who think its ok to bring monsters into the world and not take responsibility for them.

I am not the best mom in the world, I will be the very first person to tell you that there are things I very much screwed up. However my daughters behavior in public was not one of them.

When we went out, they were expected to act like little ladies with some decorum, and to be polite and quiet. And if they didn't, we left, no ands, if's nor but's. I took them home until they could behave.

Mine were not allow to act out in public, at other peoples homes, or in private. I was strict and unwilling to bend my standards no matter what anyone else said.

And I did it without hitting them, yelling at them or demeaning them. I took the time to teach them how to behave. They grew up to be socially responsible and socially acceptable, unlike alot of their peers.

Yes, I'm hostile but not towards the children acting out. Its not their fault, its your, the parents, fault. Bad day? Stay home if its a bad day.

Answer 2

Acting out occasionally isn't anything for alarm. That's why we have phases we call the "terrible two's", etc.. It's natural that children experience times in their lives where they aren't in control of their emotions.

But especially in this day and age, most children act out all the time, or at least when they don't get something they want. You get children who have their parents by the short hairs and grow up to be just as spoiled and awful. Even when a child acts out as a once-in-a-blue-moon sort of event, it's a wonderful time to teach them a lesson about how to behave in public and how to go about getting what they want in a rational, polite manner.

I think parents who flip out are just as in need of this discussion. We all have bad days- I try not to judge anyone for them, children or adults. But the more tolerant we are of these outbursts, the more everyone else seems them as acceptable, which they are not.

Those are my thoughts on the subject, at least.

Answer 3

No, I think it's fine to judge a parent who ignores a screaming tantrum in the middle of the Grocery store, a restaurant, movie theater, or any other public place. A child will act up but who exactly is in charge, the child or the parent? Common Courtesy would dictate that an unruly child disturbing the peace should be removed from the situation until they can be calmed down. I suppose since the child is disturbing the peace, and the parent is responsible for the child's actions, we COULD talk to security and have THEM deal with the situation. I do NOT pay good money to have my meal interrupted by some brat having a temper tantrum in the middle of the restaurant, OR running around picking up everything in the store, nearly running into me as they run past screaming and laughing. I am not related to them, If I speak up, you can bet it will be to the Store Security.

Answer 4

Yes. Children do occasionally act out, but it's pretty easy to tell the difference between a child who is having an unusual outburst and one who does it regularly by the way they play their parents.

A parent who has control over their child will move quickly to stop the child's bad behavior, even removing the child from the area if they are in a public place, and the child will respond with respect for their parent's authority.

One who ignores their parent with impunity does so because the parent has no control over the child, and the child knows it. The utter lack of respect of the child for their parent's authority is plainly evident.

Well-behaved children and good parents are becoming a rarity in our society, but you know them when you see them.

Answer 5

I knew a boy who acted "out" at the age of 14.

He used to target me and stop by for a chat.

I lost count of the number of times I had to tell him not to mince down the street, but he just smiled sweetly.

At the age of 16 and 3 days, he suddenly went berserk. Knowing that I detest my neighbours, and due to the fact that we were sitting in the garden, he suddenly screeched as the guy next door walked out of his house, "Now that's what I call a real man. He could ride me like a pony anyday."

Honestly, I would have given him a slap, but he was too quick for me. Instead, I missed and laughed so much, I fell of a deck-chair and broke my wrist!

Answer 6

Interesting you put this under LGBT.

I don't think people act hostile to children that are acting out. Kids do need consistant disipline though.

Answer 7

At what age are you talking about? Toddlers act out (normal), kids up to 13 act out (normal) over 18 it becomes an issue. You need to let us know the age of the children your talking about. You might also want to put this on the children/family site and not the gay and lesbian site...

Answer 8

My philosophy will be the same as what my parents told me. If someone hits you, you better hit them back. I don't care if they get the upper hand you better at least try to fight back. Kids these days rely on parents fixing everything for them. "Oh you're getting bullied hunny? Your teacher told him to stop and he didn't stop? Well I'll just go get a lawyer and sue the school". I was bullied in elementary school until I knocked her on her behind one time and it never happened again. You can teach kids to defend themselves without teaching them to be violent.

Answer 9

"on a bad day" is one thing, but repeated negative behaviors such as bullying, "acting out" in the classroom or in public, anti-social behavior, uncontrolled behavior, harassing others, vandalism, illegal drug use, under age drinking...etc...are Definite signs of bad or uninvolved parenting.

There's a fine line between experimentation or pushing boundaries and actual behavioral characteristics.

My son has NEVER 'acted out' as you put it. He's seventeen and is a good kid. At least not since the age of eight years old. Seriously.
I actually DO know what he does with his friends, I actually do know how he behaves out of the house.
I actually do know his friends and their parents, we discuss what our kids are doing, do random "check-ups" on them when they're out by themselves, and support them actively in their hobbies, sports and extra-circular activities.

So, no, not all kids "act out" that's BS.
It is bad parenting that allows this behavior to reign supreme among today's kids.

Answer 10

I'm a teen and I understand. As much as parents think they know us they don't and they never try to see our side of the story. We will always try different things and parents know they have done the same things so they should lay off. But you do need to put them in their place. Parents should stop giving their children timeouts that is so pathetic and laughable. Smack them that is not abuse.