Is it weird....?

Question

that I feel like I'm losing my Mother to a computer?

It drives me nuts when my Mother is on the computer 24/7. I have my own computer and she has hers. I live with her right now in Florida because my job was recently eliminated. For whatever reason it irks me when she's on the computer. She's on there all day and until the real late night hours looking up MTV and other teen bop places. It seems like all she ever talks about now is that kind of stuff. I'm not really into it. We don't really go out anymore either. I'm usually out with friends and don't really do the Mother/Daughter thing anymore.

I've tried talking to her about this, but she just says she can do whatever she wants.

I agree that it is her life and she should do whatever makes her happy, but sometimes I feel invisible to that computer! Maybe I'm the weird one....any recommendations on how I can not get angry about her being online?

Answer 1

I think you answered your own question when you said that you and your mother don't really go out anymore.

Why not try making plans to go out or do something with mom a couple of times a week. Maybe a movie, or shopping for a little while.

If I were your mother, I would feel kind of abandoned by my daughter so why not entertain myself with the computer.

I bet she would love to spend some time with you. Mothers and daughters have a special bond and perhaps you and your mom need to reinforce your relationship.

Also, her going into MTV and the like is just a way to draw you in to a conversation.

Answer 2

What your mom has is a simple case of Empty Nest Syndrome. Even though you still live with her, you two have moved past the mother/daughter relationship you probably had when you were a kid. When kids are lilttle, the mother's role is to take care of them. When the kids have grown up and have lives and friends of their own, the relationship has to change into something else because the kids don't need their moms for basic stuff anymore. Sadly, some people have a really hard time moving out of the old mother/child relationship into a more mature one based more on friendship and equality. Like you said, even though you live there, you're out with friends most of the time. I think your mom's constant Internet surfing is a manifestation of two things: 1) She feels a need to fill the void that you sort of left by growing up (don't feel guilty, it's supposed to happen), and 2) maybe subconsciously, she thinks that if she was the "cool mom" who knows about all the current bands and fashions, you'll want to be her friend and hang out with her. It probably never even occurred to her that not all people your age are obsessed with Jessica Simpson's love life, right? I think one thing you should try to do is incorporate your mom into your life more. I don't mean you have to take her everywhere with you and your friends, because that would be sort of weird, but maybe you could designate a "mommy-daughter" night of every week, like every Wednesday or so, where you and your mom go do something fun together, like have dinner at a cool new sushi bar or go get pedicures at the mall, something like that. If your mom has these weekly adventures with you, she'll probably feel like she is connecting with you and she'll have something to look forward to, and then maybe she won't feel as compelled to spend every moment on the computer.

One more suggestion- I didn't hear you mention your dad at all, so I'm assuming your mom is divorced. What really got my mom over Empty Nest Syndrome was actively starting to date again. Maybe you should encouorage your mom to go to one of the numerous singles activities, like 8-minute dating or a singles dance for the over-40 set, that are out there. Maybe your mom just needs to find some playmates of her own as well as you. :)

Answer 3

She is addicted. Many of us walk the fine line of being addicted to our computer life. Some have reasons, others don't have a life.

I have a feeling there will be psychologists who will specialize in that addiction. Maybe even rehab places that help people balance their real life with their computer time.

You can't change your mother. You can only change how you react to her.

All you can do is one time tell her what you think is happening, then mind your own business. She most likely knows she has a problem and she will work on it in her own time .

Answer 4

Sweetheart this is now a worldwide problem separating good family values both male and females do this .If they cant afford a pc they buy high tech game machines .In every part of life there is good and bad unfortunately but we have to adjust to the rapid growth the world presents us with at the peril of family lives .I doubt there is any answer to this really just that I would advise you to make friends as many as possible find another job if that is possible fall in love " but make sure he is not a game machine player .And just get on with living your life nature still has many wonders to see ,places to visit cultures to learn about .But as you stated your mum is using her free will to use her pc so direct your free will where you want morally .Good luck have a nice day ....from john

Answer 5

No it is not weird, your mother has become addicted to the computer. It is sad, that she,s on a siily machine all the time, forgoing human contact. I'm sorry, there is not much you can do, untill she is ready to admit, she has a problem. In the mean time send her lots of emails. Say things like " hey mom I'm a live. " or "mom do you remember when we used to talk?", miss you. I hope your mother wakes up from her computer fog soon. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Well, she has all the signs of being addicted to the computer or internet. Here is a site that you should print up and give to her. It has a list and some good info on this:
http://www.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/cybaddict.html

Like drugs and other things, spending quality time on the computer instead of with you or doing what needs to be done, is a sure sign that she has a problem.
Good luck!

Answer 7

You know what I would do? I would play it mean...LIsten to this:

Try hooking up with her in a chat conversation, but at the same time dont expose yourself....As if you're some1 from a close by state or city, and keep talking to her about things she likes (that would be easy)....Then slowly, convince her that too much computer would be bad for her, and that she needs to spend time with her family...The reason for doing this is as follows:
people some times tend to listen to strangers rather than listening to close ones

Answer 8

Shut off the computer and tell her your concerns are and if she does not, then you may have a problem with your mother addiction to computer which may need a Psychologist. Good luck.

Answer 9

First of all, how old are you? That would be a good question to know just how much time your mother is suppose to spend with you, and yes she may be on the pc too much. But if you are of age, its time to entertain yourself, it sounds like you moved back in with her, so you should be grateful that she is helping you.

Answer 10

...well as long as she does not ignore her person, still lives her life and all...she might grow tired of it oneday