The situation is very complicated to say the least! My spouse left me a little over a year ago and I have yet to really date or anything of the sort. We are not apart for infidelity but simply because he thinks I am so terrible. Well I don't drink, do drugs, I work a full time job and take reasonably good care of myself. I don't believe in divorce but he is just so impossible to get along with. He will sit there and solely blame me for the break up of our marriage! It is absurd to think such a thing in my opinion. He recently graduated college and does not pay me child support but wants shared custody...which is not always possible...he still wants to be with me intimately and it is killing me softly...I just don't know what to do...I have only been with one other man besides him and that was before we were married? Any suggestions???
2006-10-30 10:24:35 · 29 answers · asked by One Of The Girls 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So, you are good enough to sleep with when he wants you, but you are not good enough to be married to?
Time for you to tell him to get lost.
2006-10-30 10:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult to let go of a long-term relationship! More than likely your husband wants to move on & enjoy the single life. Unfortunetly, when you become single it's not what you expected. It's fun to go out, meet new people and try new relationships but, when you get back home, you get lonely and miss the comfortable, what you know married life. I think that's why he comes back to you intimately. If I were you, find some friends, co-workers, what ever & go to a sports bar or something. Try to make it a weekly routine. The more you go, the more comfortable you will be and will eventually start meeting new people.
- Don't give him the option of paying child support or not. I'm not sure where your located but, I know some states will enforce child support even with just a seperation. Try this link http://www.womenslaw.org/how.htm
2006-10-30 18:46:55 · answer #2 · answered by Julie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to this, my husband and I seperated for about a year. And like you It wasnt because of infidelity. My husband had a bad attitude and wouldnt take responsibility for his actions. Anyway, while we were seperated, we still were intimate. We'd still talk and do things together. Later on we just couldnt be apart and decided to get back together. Its been 4 years since our seperation and things are so much better. If there is any hope for a reconciliation then you should not give up talk to him and let him know what you want, but if you dont think there is a chance you two will get back together then its best that you move on and show him that your no longer going to be his door mat. Find yourself some who will respect you enought to want to be with you always. Not sometimes. Good luck.
2006-10-30 18:35:36 · answer #3 · answered by Baby boy blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
I think that you know the answer to your own question but if your like me you want to hear or see someone answer it for you and then you will mope around and get upset but eventually you will realize that I am right and you are too.. You need to cut him off completely no more sex. You must tell him that he must pay all owed child support or you will notify the dept of revenue. You should try to go out and meet new people with your interest and help get over him or at least take a hobby up and try not to give him too much thought. You don't have to be nasty about any of this to him just be firm and all about business..
Good luck
2006-10-30 18:32:10 · answer #4 · answered by shawn_mauldin 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Y'all still fall into each others comfort zones. MOST everyone in a break up...not everyone...does this. You need to decide if you are strong enough to stand up for what you want. Do you want to keep being his wife, or are you happy just being his bed buddy? Staying together is not always an option, even though you need to see if it can be fixed before it is dissolved. Remember, there is a child to think of. Do you want your child to grow up thinking this is the way a relationship is SUPPOSED to be? It took two to make the marriage, it will take two to fix it. Good luck.
2006-10-30 19:25:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone on here once called it "ex sex" Having sex with an ex.
Think about it. Real love............the kind that you deserve from a man doesn't belittle you, it doesn't hurt, you don't have to think about whether or not the relationship is good. You know in your heart that the two of you are meant to be together because you make each other completely happy. There are problems but together yo suolve them peacefully and become closer because of it. He wants the sex. That hurts but, you already knew that.
Take time for yourself. Become strong again and another man will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
2006-10-30 20:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you start taking control of your life... You will not be able to move on, if you are still sleeping with him... It seems to me that he is being selfish...
In time, you will find the person that is right for you, sometimes we have to go through bad seeds to find the good one. So don't settle for any less, then what you deserve.... It won't be easy letting go, but it will get better....
If he wants the marriage to be over, then it needs to be completely over, and if you have children, this will just confuse them...
As far as child support. Don't let him get off easy with that... You did not have the kids on your own, therefore, he needs to help take care of them.....
Good Luck!
2006-10-30 19:36:37 · answer #7 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband wants to be in control of you and your life. He has graduated and has a job. The two of you no longer live together right? Well then do your self a favor go out with your friends and just relax. Don't give in to him he knows how you fell about him and he's trying to keep you emotionally tied to him. Having his cake and eating it too. Bull####. You deserve better. You are better than that. Don't allow yourself to be used like a toilet. You are a person who he doesn't respect. Respect yourself enough to move on with your children. Continue to set good examples for your children. And take him to child support court. Get visitation set up. He's irresponsible, and he only wants shared custody so he doesn't have to pay child support. He will pay....... Take care of yourself and the babies. email me anytime...........
2006-10-30 18:34:36 · answer #8 · answered by happy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are letting him manipulate you into getting what he wants, what he thinks is good for him. You need to get out of that unhealthy relationship and get some time to yourself. You need the time alone to figure out what you want. He has no right to get custody if he isn't supporting his children, but visitation is another option. What a shame, I'm sorry for you.
2006-10-30 19:16:31 · answer #9 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be that bad if he keeps coming back for sex. I would stop all sex with him until you two go to counseling and try to work things out for a marriage. You should have more respect for yourself than be his bootycall and for all you know he may be sleeping with other women and you might catch something from him. He is taking your belief in no divorce and using you. Please have respect for yourself. He also might be blaming you for everything wrong cause he doesn't want to admit that he failed at something. Its hard for humans to admit to wrongs and failures.
ALL OR NOTHING
2006-10-30 18:32:01 · answer #10 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut him off. No marriage, no perks. You are allowing him to control the situation. He is screwing you literally and figuratively. He want to keep you soft so that you will give in to his demands. He is just not being demanding, he is doing it through the bedroom. Let it go for your own sanity and get your child support.
2006-10-30 18:29:13 · answer #11 · answered by kyle g 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋