marriage? Once discovered, hubby repented and promised not to stray but the promises remained as empty promises. Wife thinks he just like the idea of having that women find him attractive. Now, discovered that he is straying again and cannot accept this behaviour any more. Enough is enough! Still trying to understand hubby and feels very demotivated and demoralised with his behaviour. Hubby when discovered swore that all the relationshipships are just having the idea of having girlfriends and he had not broken his marriage vows by having any physical relationships-he just like having women or girlfriends!(if u can believe that!!). 1.Do you think this marriage is worth saving?2 Is there some kind of psychological disorder to have such behaviour? 3. Any medical cases similar to this? Please help.....
2006-10-30 10:16:51 · 17 answers · asked by mchoh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A husband who does this isn't sick, he is running away from his duties and responsibilities and a committment he cannot adhere to with you, his wife.
This is very sad and distressing for you and to have put up with it so long, could not have been easy. This man had offered you very little in return for the commitment and love you gave him and it is easy for people to call you 'soft' for having put up with it, but as humans we all want to beleive that we are going to be loved and cherished but unfortuneatly that doesn't happen to the majority of us.
He betrayed your trust in a way that can never be remedied and his illness is that he is emotionally shut down as we psychologists like to refer to them. He cannot possibly know the pain he has caused you, because if he did, he wouldn't have done any of it. He is cut off emotionally and is a serial womanizer only he can get help for his addiction problem that has come to destroy something that could have been so wonderful if he chose to get help in the first instance.
But he has left it a little to late now and I am so thrilled that you now recognize that this isn't acceptable behaviour and that you are not prepared to tolerate it anymore. No one can live in that kind of environment.
The crumbs of love he has thrown in your direction, are not enough to sustain a relationship nor a friendship and being good friends constitutes what a relationship is. Do you really deserve just crumbs for love and affection? - No, I don't think so, so well done for realizing that you deserve from a relationship something a lot more fulfilling and life-sharing than this. A commitment is about so much more than phsyical matromony and he hasn't even offered you this, when he has shared himself with so many other women - equally beleiving that all they deserve is crumbs too.
Empty promises bring nothing more than pain and misery and undue suffering and this is what he has brought into the marriage. How disrespectful can a man truly be? - enough is enough and getting out rather than trying to analyze his behaviour is the best thing and you can do it. No amount of diagnosing him will change or alter what has happened and what will continue to happen if you decide to say.
This is appalling treatment and he has abused your trust as well as your marriage vows. This is disgusting and he does need to know this no matter how sorry he is, he is capable of choice and he is an adult, in a marriage and he should have not married you in the first place knowing that he was going to do this to you. If someone was sorry, they wouldn't keep on being sorry and making the same mistake, but he isn't making a mistake if he openly admits to you that he knows he is doing it - he is making an informed and conscious decision.
His behaviour is his concern, you no longer need feel responsible for what you should never feel responsible for what he chooses to do. He is running away and from himself and his marriage and his commitment to anyone or anything. He chooses to be this way and only admitting it to himself is going to change him and he gets serious professional help.
It is highly unlikely he will do this however, and given the damage already caused, I would seriously urge you not to stay with him and help him out. This would be like accepting him for what he is and does and that is not a foundation for any trust whatsoever. You deserve so much more then this, to well done for sticking to your decision and get out of this as soon as you possibly can.
Someone will love and be with you because of your beautiful qualities, not to cheat on you and abuse you in this way. Get some self-esteem back and self-respect that he has tried to take from you because it is not his to take from you!. You are very brave, continue to be and your life will bring you the kind of things you do deserve, not what you certainly don't.
Good Luck!
2006-10-30 12:12:19 · answer #1 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a womanizer and that becomes him, he will have to battle his nature calling to his wife and his wife only. For some Men, this mentality obsession for Women can ruin a marriage and in some cases lose it all together.
I was a Womanizer and very good at it. It was not till 1998 that it began to consume me and my marriage. When I realized what I am losing, the pain was so devastating that it still haunts me today, but the healing process came with time and my willingness to change and when I look over my right shoulder and see my wife smile at me;I still can't do enough to say I am sorry, but only happy that she's there and always will be and that is very painful for me to have hurt such a beauiful Woman like that, but what makes us great together is knowing that our love was stronger than we both imagined on both sides of the table and that is why we our enjoying our days together for ever till death do us part.
2006-10-30 11:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. F*ck no! I hate women like that who are stupid enough to stay like little masochistic puppies... *sigh*... you know, unless the woman is just in it for the money and really doesn't give a crap about her "husband" anyway.
2. Depends on the guy's tastes in the gals... other than the fact that it's obscenely hetero, if he likes the younger ones, he's probably got a Lolita complex. If it's just regular women, it's because he's a cheating numbnut and feels inferior if he doesn't have someone to keep him company. Basically, he's a loser.
3. Uh... I don't know. Medical cases? It's definitely prevalent in society, but I don't know if it's a medical case. It's usually brought on by peer pressure. "Hey, being a pimp is cool. Guys who have multiple chicks rock" and all that sh*t. It's another way of saying monogamy is outdated... but in an extreme, slimeball way.
2006-10-30 10:24:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a sickness. This man is a dog. Even IF he's not being physical with these women, he's still breaking his vowes. It could be a midlife crisis. Although it seems a little late for that. Anyway, if he truly keeps doing this, there is no point in the wife staying with him. She should divorce him, and let him have his little girlfriends. Don't let it be her problem anymore.
2006-10-30 10:22:54 · answer #4 · answered by viva_bamm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't understand why this woman would stay with a man like this for 40 years? Gee, I would have left his sorry **** a long time ago. There is something definately wrong here. he knows she won't leave him and that he can get away with it so why not do it over and over again. He needs pyschological help. This woman needs to get out and get her life in order and leave him to play around. I usually am all for making a mariage work, but in this case it sounds hopeless.
2006-10-30 11:05:34 · answer #5 · answered by hehmommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
[1] no it is not worth saving.
[2] there may be some psychological disorder - for there is some need he has to fullfill by having other women. Maybe low self-esteem is an issue, maybe he finds himself feeling worthless, and this boosts his ego. There could be many reasons.
[3] am sure if you did some research, you would find cases similiar to your situation.
2006-10-30 11:24:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust and commtiment are the foundation of marriage. Someone who is trulycommitted and loves doesn't do things to hurt the other person. Yes, it is a sickness. A sickness that plagues many in the world. It is called low self esteem. The cheater feels that he/she will feel more important or loe themself more if they have a lot of people showing attention to them. Sad thing is........no one can make them feel good except themselves. They have to be willing to imporve themselves.
2006-10-30 13:15:20 · answer #7 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its the woman who thought that she could change a man. Id say after the second time caught I would of left. It was never gonna stop and apparently it never has. He kept doing it even after he kept getting causght cause there wasnt any consequences and knew the woman would stay.
Get away form that man. Its not worth saving.
2006-10-30 10:23:00 · answer #8 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...the sickness is with the woman who kept taking the cheater back over and over for more than 40 years.
Something medical to explain his behavior?? Yeah, get his zipper to a surgeon...it's broken!
2006-10-30 10:20:26 · answer #9 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This behavior is ingrained into this persons character its not a disease or anything you can diagnose It is not just men that do this its certain type of person that does this they are called liars I have married two.
Learn to Identify the problem come to a solution and execute!!!
Good luck
2006-10-30 10:22:27 · answer #10 · answered by shawn_mauldin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋