Im 27 and my wife 30 have been married for almost 8 yrs. We have 2 boys of ages 5 and 2. Not everynight but I would say 3-4 times a week I get horny and wanna have "sex". Insult to injury is that I have to ask for it and she tries to ration it out like "food to a hostage". I get plenty of attention from other females on my job and out and about but I dont want to result to cheating. I want sex with my wife. Spontaneous sex w/ no pre-approval needed. This has been going on for I would say the past 3 yrs. Every time we argue this and I end up pissed off and drunk in the end. My wife would be a perfect ten if she didnt monopolize the poo-tang. She is japanese and I am black. Could there be a cultural difference? Is it common for Japanese women to loose interest in sex after a few years of marriage? I thought it may have been how I was doing it but not to brag, I doubt that. I stay in the gym and Im like the President in the bed, I "stay the course".
2006-10-30 10:05:45 · 28 answers · asked by Kokusai 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was in the same boat as you. I was helping out more, I was romancing more, I was doing everything more. Then I realized none of this was working so I did the opposite. I helped less, I romanced less, I contributed less to everything. Then a funny thing happened. She started to try to use sex to get me to do things. She would imply we would have sex if I did something. So I tested it to see what would happened and sure enough if I did whatever right away she would then be too tired or something. So I stopped again. A little time later she implied again that if I did something there would be sex. This time I did nothing except have fun (watched a guy movie or played a video game) anything, but what she wanted. Then do you know what happened? We had sex. I thought about doing what she asked me to do, but I decided to waited a few days and then did that one thing. Then I went back to doing nothing.
The really funny thing is now I'm happier. I'm not having to stress about doing this or that to help get my wife in the mood or happy. She now needs to get me in the mood to do stuff. Fair is fair.
2006-10-30 10:41:30 · answer #1 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Listen it's great that your sex drive is so active. KUDOS to you. Now your wife is the mother of two small children who require a lot of attention. She's tired. I'd say twice a week that's it. Don't push her away because of your sex drive. You're a man and all you seem to know is that you want it, you're the BOMB. Well guess what you my need to blow your whistle by yourself at times. HAND JOB......Talk with your wife and try to come to a compromise.. Do Not give her ultimatums... Don't go looking for trouble you very well could get into something that you'll regret. Try to be sensitive to her needs and wants. She's probably home all day cooking, cleaning and taking care of the children.. Whether you realize this or not she's doing two full time jobs.
2006-10-30 10:23:20 · answer #2 · answered by happy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The drive of most women slows down until the age of 37-45...so hang in there. She may just be exhausted from taking care of the kids and the house. Have you considered that? If you don't already, help her out with the household responsibilities so that she'll have more energy at bed time. And, make it special. After so many years of marriage there is the tendency to do the same thing over and over again. Try different things.
2006-10-30 10:13:21 · answer #3 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a normal guy to be asking for it that many times a week however for women it starts outside of the bedroom. We like to get touched and kissed outside of the bedroom and told sweet nothings in our ear without the results of having to have sex right then and there. We are like ovens that need to be warmed up. Guys do not realize this and they think that if they just say the word that us women should be in the mood. You should not blame your wife for your drinking because she does not want to have sex that could be a big NO NO and that could be why she stays away from it.
2006-10-30 10:16:51 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think 3-4 times a week is unreasonable, but you have to ask yourself, are you giving her everything she needs/wants OUTSIDE of the bedroom? Is it possible she's holding out because she doesn't feel the kind of love FROM you that she needs in order to show you the love you desire?
Find out how she likes to be loved, does she feel more loved when you scrape the ice off her windows and mow the yard without being asked? Does she feel more loved with you come up behind her and kiss her neck and hug her without any expectation in return? Does she feel more loved when you send her roses or buy her shoes? Does she feel more loved when you take special walks with her and only her without the children...
I think you get the point, take the time to figure out what it is that she wants from you and she should follow suit.
2006-10-30 10:28:57 · answer #5 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. Most married men say that their wives don't give it up anymore. You are a good man for not cheating on her. Some women don't understand that a man needs it. Esp since they don't feel they need it or want it or have time for it. You might want to get a babysitter, take her out, have her put on something sexy (get all dolled up) and let things happen. There are many aspects for a woman to want it if they arent naturally horny for it. She may need to relax, unwind, get away form the kids.
2006-10-30 10:15:14 · answer #6 · answered by B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate that she hurts your feelings by "rationing" it out, but you have to be respectful to the fact that she does not want it as much as you. You took a vow, for beter or for worse, to stick by her, and maybe she is just going through some things you don't understand, and it is affecting her sex drive. Hang in there, as the others said "give yourself a 'hand' " if neede, but don't cheat..............then you'll have much bigger problems then just not getting enough sex from your wife. Bring her flowers, candy, make dinner for her with candles, romance her......but let her know that you DON"T expect ANYTHING in return. And then just appreciate her for her, and not try to get sex. You may be surprised how she reacts, and hopefully it'll be YOU saying "NO MORE!!!!!!!!
2006-10-30 10:21:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it has nothing to do with race. Women go through what I call a midlife crisis around 28-30 it will end around 32 and then you won't be able to keep up with her in the bedroom. Just give her time to sort things out. give her space and let her come to you for sex for a while. everything will be alright. Good Luck with the lube...lol Just pickin' Good Luck hun
2006-10-30 10:20:38 · answer #8 · answered by Peek@u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage can be pretty crappy when your sexual gratification is in the hands of someone who isn't very motivated. I was the same a while back and instead of keeping the heat on my woman, I disciplined myself to not be consumed with sex. You'll notice that if you want it everyday, its 2 things 1. Routine or 2. because you think about it all day long. Of course when you're not getting all that you want your gonna think about it.
Try not obsessing about it. Lower your motor down a little until it matches her drive. Then the sex will be better because she'll be in rhythm instead of forcing it.
Hell try one better, drop your drive down below hers, wives are sooooooo coool when they are horny!!!
2006-10-30 10:23:07 · answer #9 · answered by Big Marc 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where has your wife been, every man wants it every night. She maybe just doesn't have a strong sex drive and she can't help it. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to, she just can't.
I wouldn't worry about it, have you tried talking to her. Make her feel special, tell her she is beautiful or "you look nice today" Buy her flowers for no reason. Sneak up behind her and grab her butt or something, just have fun with it. She'll come around. Good Luck
2006-10-30 10:46:08 · answer #10 · answered by Happy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋