just informed yesterday that his love for me doesn't compare for his love for his ex since I haven't put in my time. He's been divorced for 6-7 years now, & they have a horrible relationship, he makes me deal w/her when dealing with the kids. He's never said anything positive about their relationship in the 10 years they were married. Told me how lucky he felt that he found his one true love, the one he was meant to spend the rest of his life with. Then yesterday said that it wasn't fair to compare his love for her to me since he'd been with her 10+ years & with me only 2 1/2. Does this sound like garbage to anyone else but me? In all fairness, he treats me so well, & is everything I could ever ask for, but I don't feel like I should be 2nd place to a woman who isn't worth a poop. (lost custody of all 4 of her kids, 2 to us, 2 to her new ex husband, can't keep a job, treated him like garbage etc...) What are your thoughts, I obviously can't leave him, but I feel so cheated!!
2006-10-30 09:54:25 · 10 answers · asked by Heather S 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To answer someone's question below, we talked about devistating break ups how he's never felt devistated only with her. I asked him if it was because of the kids, he said no, because she was the love of his life, she was his world and he would have died for her. I thought that he was past that, since they really and truly hate each other, I've never seen such nonsense from two adults. He doesn't bash her, but he'd rather see her under a mack truck than look at her again due to all the horrible things she's done to him and the children, the cheating, the lying. I just don't like to be 2nd best, and yes I'm being petty with this I know.
But like I said above, he treats me like a queen. He refuses me nothing, until now where I feel like I'm in 2nd place.
2006-10-30 10:05:09 · update #1
Taking it out on her? I don't know about all of that. She and I get along great when she decides to come around and see her children which is once every few months when she's run out of money for drugs and such. The only issues I have with her are because I'm the one who wipes away her childrens tears when she disappears for months on end.
2006-10-30 10:07:33 · update #2
It sounds like he must've been speaking out in either 1) a moment of anger 2) a moment of frustration or 3) a moment where he just said something stupid without thinking through what he is really saying. It sounds like he knows that you are his one and only true love, and he doesn't like the fact that he has to deal with her, just as you don't. He has to deal with her because of the kids, and so do you, so make sure that you don't take this one statement and let it cancel out all the good you know to be true. We all say things we regret under stress, and from the sound of the big picture, you have a man that loves you and you have nothing to worry about.
2006-10-30 10:13:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe u took it out of context hun, it osunds like he truly loves u. He is right he has a different feeling for he even if it is tattered with hate she did give birth to his children and he inveted 10 yrs with this woman good or bad... Men always say the wrong thing at the wrong time but think of all the good things he said and of his actions. would he really say it to hurt you was that his intention. it doesn't seem like it. He has made his choice and it was u . if u constanly question it he will feel u dont trust him or the relationship. explain how the owrdin affected u and see if he meant it in a diferent way. If by all mean he is saying he is in love with (which i doubt) it is best u know now and move forward then wondering and tearing ur mind apart day by day . good luck
2006-10-30 18:09:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hate and love are different ends of the same spectrum. It's ambivalence that he needs, and he hasn't accomplished that yet. From experience, I would guess that he refuses to see and speak to her because of pain, not anger. And he has no trouble admitting he's still got feelings for her. He's been divorced for over 6 years,.... he's had plenty of time to get over this and move on. He may be trying, and he's going through the motions... but it doesn't sound like his whole heart is in it. If this is how things are, I have to admit.... I don't envy your position one bit.
2006-10-30 18:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you said that he treats you really well and that he is everything you could ask for, then why would he say something like that? did you ask him a question? were you just fighting? maybe he couldn't find the words that would have better explained what he was really feeling at the moment, but in any case, i think you can safely hang in there.
it makes sense that you feel cheated, but keep your head up, you are clearly the way better girl, and i am sure he knows that.
keep open communication about your needs in the relationship, emotionally, sexually, whatever! and don't let one conversation bring you down.
2006-10-30 18:08:50 · answer #4 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol..Hell No! She can have him!!! We were married for 12 years and together for 15. Yes time together matters but once its over the love changes ands its a different kind of love.
What you have to remember is no matter what YOU think of there past it is theirs. And it is in the past. They have moved on. If your husband keeps telling you these things maybe you should be up front with him and tell him your feelings. Your taking it out on the Ex when she isn't the one your anger needs to be towards.
2006-10-30 18:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't get rid of it...you learn to handle it or not. It's part of seconds and thirds and so on. It was cruel for him to compare on such a level, but that's a guy for u. I wouldn't put too much stock in it. He is with you...isn't he? They have history..yes. But you are working on your history together and in time you will have more history if you can manage to work things out. He needs to apologize to you for such a comparison. It's unfair and he is knocking you down. Keep your self-esteem strong and be bold! Good luck and God bless.
And BTW, he needs to deal with her and his children, not you! The children will grow up resenting you, not him. He is putting you in a position that is his job, not yours. Put your foot down , girl!
2006-10-30 18:05:55 · answer #6 · answered by honeybee4u2c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I got divorced too and my ex is not my 1st love he treated me like crap too LOL I never had a 1st love and I never will that seems to be more of a guy thing I have many guy friends tell me about their true love and I think its rubbish of what your current guy is doing to you tell him to quit comparing and then you can go find another man that will adore you not some ghost from the past
2006-10-30 17:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by AngelVirgo9206 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like garbage to me. He's got history and children with her. The kids are a huge bond. How did this conversation start? Did you ask him if he loves you as much as he did her?
Just let it slide and don't worry about how you stack up next to his ex. In light of the fact that she is his ex, why would you want to be like her?
2006-10-30 17:58:24 · answer #8 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he is whooped by her and you will not be able to go forward in your relationship unless both of you stop looking back. It sounds like you should talk to him about it because he still hasnt let go and he needs to.
2006-10-30 17:58:32 · answer #9 · answered by Rae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats disgusting that he said such things...you should ask whats wrong to make him look back like that..you already won..but he needs to stop running you down...ask him to please stop that
2006-10-30 17:58:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋