Thank you for all you responses - just to answer some of your queries in return - my wife dose not have any illness or suffered any trauma - god forbid, i have never laid a finger on her or even raised my voice to her - as i said before i am 6'2 Martial Arts instructor and she is petite. she is the only woman i have ever loved - sex has never been great or a priority but i find it strange not to get any. i have talked to her about this and she says she is not in the mood, too tired or that i dont try at the right time - i have tried all hours of the day and night - i dont pester her what so ever. been with her for 15 years - i have good sex drive - we have not made love more than 2 times a month ever. i know if i talk with her again i will get the same response - what shall i do other than keep feeling the way i am - dont know how much longer i can stay strong - would never leave her though no matter what!
2006-10-30 09:30:05 · 15 answers · asked by Jo J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Something is either emotinally not right or physically. She doesn't have to have an illness in order to not be physically not wanting to have sex. It's possible it's painful for her or she just doesn't enjoy it for whatever reason. I did my ex like that, but it was more because I didn't enjoy sex with him, because he got it so infrequently (this was right after the birth of my child) he was quick draw mcgraw, and then even quicker to roll over and go to bed. It wasn't worth it to me because I got nothing out of it.
My suggestion to you is possibly go to a therapist with her and express your concerns that your sex drives are not compatible. It is important, it's a way to connect on a different level than with people in your every day life.
It's also possible, you said she's never suffered any trauma, is it possible that she doesn't remember it? Maybe she's emotionally blocked out a terrible portion of her life? therapy will help this.
I'm glad to see that you are wanting to work through this, but this is something that she needs to work out with you too... When you married you two agreed to be partners, sounds like right now it's a one way street.
2006-10-30 09:39:17 · answer #1 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dumb question #1, but does she have a job? Dumb question #2, how much help do you give her at home? Dumb question #3, do you have kids? If she is working full time and does all the laundry, cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids, school, carpooling, etc, ya need to help her out. The woman is tired. What is the possibility of you taking her away for a weekend? Away from all the day-to-day? Make it a weekend for her? When is the last time you brought flowers home for her...for NO reason at all and not expected something in return? Girls get off on little things like flowers or SMALL presents sometimes for no reason other than for the guy to remind her he is thinking of her. Biggest thing is communication. Talk to her and find out what is going on. If nothing else, you said it has ALWAYS been like this, so if that is the case, then you knew what you were getting into. Then again if you are doing your sister-in-law, then you ought to be lucky to be getting it 2 times a month. I just saw that question. You say you don't know how much longer you can stay strong? You are weak if you are sleeping with your sister-in-law. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-IO-N
2006-10-30 11:49:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, ruling out illness or trauma. Do you ever remember a point in time when the frequency got worse? And have you spoken to her about trying something a little different? Maybe a natural supplement .. There are some women, although few and far between that just don't find sex fun, it's more of a chore. To be honest, I felt that way after the kids were born. Does she have a problem with the way she looks? I can't say go out and find it some where else. But....
2006-10-30 09:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by Catherine M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out if she plays with herself. Ask if you can help.
Change your tactics:
Do you start on her with the moves of a 15 year old wrestler?
Do you only say natural words (like yeah, God, umm) or do you say things comparable do an old drunk at the bar?
When you touch her (assuming you give foreplay) do you get the reaction of someone being tickled ?? Try a different approach/motions.
Find out WHEN you're annoying her and stop whatever movements or habits you have that turn her off.
I bet the "don't try at the right time" only means she's got her mind on something else and wasn't expecting you ... Give her something to go on or think about; then go away for a moment Then come back. Try try again.
2006-10-30 09:48:08 · answer #4 · answered by Ann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i must say u are an honorable man. my hubby is exactly how ur wife is we only had sex 3 times in a year. he has issues and i felt like walking out the door but i realized maybe he has issues he isn't wuite ready to face and when he is i am going to be there 100 perecent holding his hand. i married him and we are taking the journey together. u can't just marry for the good there will be bad times to and people fall into ruts and those are the times when ur love is tested. u seem to pass with flying colors. u should having an open discusion about ur feeling those because she shoudl know how it is making u feel being ignored. i told my hubby and he realized if he loved me he would get the help he needed because it ean't fair for us to both suffer when we could work through it toghether.it is always easy to walk away and save ur sefl the pain. but it takes true love to stick around even knowing that it will be hurtfulk but it will be worth it in the end. it will get better. good luck
2006-10-30 10:02:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called THERAPY. Get there fast. I think it is very honorable for you to say that you won't leave her no matter what. What are you going to do about your sexual needs, don't they need to be fulfilled at some point? Don't stay with her and cheat, that's not good at all.
2006-10-30 11:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,
this maybe of some help to you....i am 5'6" and only 110 lbs...so i am very thin also.....and i don't have a sex drive at all....and i am only 27....i have never had one....i only have sex with my bf to keep him from straying......they(docs) have tried all types of things...and nothing has worked at all....but maybe spice it up alittle like role playing or even a rose pedal trail to the bed room with a realy good aroma that can put you and her in the mood.....you may just need to put more time in to her body and experience and that may show her that you care about her needs and that its not a wham bam thank you mam....and that may not be your case but in most cases it is that the man doesn't show her that they care....
2006-10-30 10:33:45 · answer #7 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just read one of your questions/ answers...You're doing your sister in law???? Have you ever thought that maybe your wife is catching a clue and is trying to figure out what to do? Ever think you're giving off the vibe of a cheater? Either way doing her sister is just WRONG....so i'm sorry but this may be karma biting you in the a**.
2006-10-30 09:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are doing everything right. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance. Some medications can alter libido. Even birth control pills can, and anti-depressants. She needs to see a doctor. It's not normal to never want sex with the person you love.
2006-10-30 09:37:39 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your lady has a very weak libido. It's easy to say things like "find a way to spice it up" but I also don't want to offend anyone. My b/f started by bringing out the book Joy of Sex and just looking at the pictures with me. We have painted on each others bodies, he has dressed me is sexy undies, he has tied my hands loosely over my head. I know it may sound kinky but he never fails to turn me on.
2006-10-30 09:37:04 · answer #10 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋