My husband makes me feel lonely, depressed, I cried so many times alone at night.?

Question

We been married for almost 20 years, he does counseling, but for no reason he doesn't talk to me most of the time, he sleeps at all times, we don't have sex, only once every two o three months, he is always with my three kids and I. He never has any idea where to take us, or what to do on weekends, we always get discouraged of him because he always forget something or he does things with a bad temper, the first word he always have in his mouth is "no" not even knowing for what we are asking. My husband and I never go out, not even once. I talked with him several times trying to know what is going on. But always he stare at me, not saying nothing, in other times he promises me to change. I am not a boring person, I always like to try new things, flavors, I like to enjoy every moment, because before I married him, I was a young widow, and I know since the moment that I lost my first husband that time counts every day! I don't like to feel alone, or sad, what should I do, please help me!

Answer 1

This is very sad Olivia...
I think you should try to get a life of your own. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. You are depending on your husband for all of your happiness, and that is not what life is about. If your husband doesnt want to spend time with you--then Fine: Its time that you start to do the things in life that make YOU happy. Olivia, I am happily single and I really like my life. I dont sit around, waiting for a man to start living my life. I am planning a trip overseas with my best friend, and we are going to have a blast. I am also starting my own business, which is GREAT and takes up most of my time. In other words, I have a Life of my own....Olivia, what are the things you want to do? Figure it out and Do it. Look in the phone book to take adult classes of things that interest you. (I want to take classes to learn arabic and spanish)..If you want to travel, call up your best friend and plan a trip to the Carribean or Mexico--or somewhere!..Stop living each day, waiting for your husband to give you a life. Get a Life!...You say you are a person that likes new things--so live your life. Do you have a car and your own money? If so, then start planning trips and outings Without your husband. Dont let him bully you out of going--just leave! Walk out the door with your pretty dresses on, with your hair done, and have a good time---go for it!

If your husband wants to stay home all day, picking his fingernails, and getting angry at the smallest things--then thats his problem, not yours. Stop waiting around for him and live your life..

And if you decide that you are happier without him, than with him--then maybe you will part ways. But life is too short like you said. We are here today, and gone tomorrow, and it would be sad if you spent the rest of your life sitting at home, looking at your husband, crying all day while Llfe is waiting for you. LIVE!
Peace

Answer 2

first of all I do am sorry that the only person who supposed to be your husband, best friend, and a lover is not there for you. One reason why you are on this situation is you just lost your baby and that means your body chemical is very low (hormones) Women who lost a child in the process of miscarriage will have this emotion, feeling sad and no self esteem. Your husband need to be there for you, he needs to comfort you because it was you who was carrying the baby not him. Why don't you try to meet a friend of yours and see if you can hang out with her, even your own family, like your mom or sister. It's going to take you a while to get out of this depression mode and if you don't ask for some help this depression will last a long time with you.

Answer 3

I have been down that road too hun and i feel ur pain i been wit my man for 10 yrs we only had sex 3 times in one year.it kinda comes down to the whole gender thing at times.men aren't great at showing emotion and when the get stuck in there comfort zone or there smae old routine it is hrd to break.what ever steps u take u should take them together.when one has a problem knowing the other is there to fully support them makes it that much easier.couples counsling sounds like an idea.u need to ask urself does this man wake up everday with the intention to hurt me?is this his ultimate goal in life. more than likely not.it seems he is having trouble expressing himself.befroe blaming urself as if it is u.maybe think he is feeling the same way but doesn't know how to say it. we as woman have a way with words and we can get are pionts across when needed a man ..well not so lucky.everything is worth saving when it comes to love and since i read ur words and u didn't down him in any way i can tell u still love him.fight for it girl ..u will make it.just remember how it all began and get that back and look at those beautiful kids..they were made from the love u share...god bless

Answer 4

Sorry as well.But Life has to continue.Either hes with you on it or left at the house.Counciling is just gonna tell you somethings wrong......Duh..You know this.Divorce is always the easy way out an finding someone new is the hard part.So Id say Give him something to think about.Let him know that you as well as your childrenNeed more out him then his mopeing a round.And that whether he likes it or not life is going on all around you and your childrenand your not letting it pass you bye.And if he chooses not to change for the better maby you should consider changing for the better.Not just for you but for your children.When children see parents not happy they become unhappy an problems can start in that area soon after.The old saying that you cant love someone with out loving your self first,Well its also gos you cant be happy with someone less your happy your self.And if your not happy then it wont work good luck

Answer 5

It sounds like he is a very controlling person. I'm sorry that your dealing with his behaviors. My suggestion is to find some source of outside activities, to obtain some friends and to have a way to release some of your tension. I'm sure your husband will not mind if you have other friends for you to talk to on a daily basis. If all else fail, you can have an affair and enjoy the feel of having someone love you and to regain some of the lost feelings of lust. Good luck.

Answer 6

wow! I thought I was the only person in the world going thru this. I am not married to mine though we have been dating for 9 years. We have no spark anymore! It is all gone so I wonder why I am even still there. He has energy to go out w/ friends but never do anything w/ me. I often wonder what I should change... but then realize it is not me. So... do know that it is not you at all! Maybe he is really stressed about something and does not know how to express it to you. Maybe he is totally unhappy within himself but has no idea how to deal with it. My boyfriend always tells me he will change too... and he will long enough to pull me back in... then he goes back to the same person. I would say you guys should try counseling or if you are in church you should schedule a meeting with your pastor. I wish you the best though b/c I know how it truly feels. God Bless.

Answer 7

How sad and lonely you must feel...but He's the one with the problem...go out and enjoy life on your own..you can find clubs to join, volunteer somewhere, take a class at night, do anything just to get out and about!!
Make plans yourself for you and the children..invite him along, but don't wait for him to come up with ideas...and DONT stay home if he does not want to go!
Life is for living..not gathering cobwebs!

Answer 8

have you ever thought maybe you guys need to leave each other. or you can scared him and say you are leaving. but if i was in your shoes i would leave. because i wouldnt want to be all lonely and depressed. but have a serious talk with him and if he doesnt want to change then leave him. you dont need that kind of stuff around you and your kids. i know it will hurt but you need to do what best for you and the kids. stop thinking what best for him and start think what best for me and the kids. so i hope this advise help you out.

Answer 9

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Okay. Your situations aren't as bad as you think they are. So come out of your depressed mode, cheer up it could have been worse. There are alot of people in the world going through major things that are not even comparable to your situation. Know that when its seems like no one cares God cares about everyones problems and concerns even the smallest concerns and he is available all day everyday if you want to talk, vent, or get some things off of your mind. Be sure that you are not nagging your husband to much or being to whiny, I'm sure he understands your hurt and pain but you must understand that men are not like women. He is a man hes not going to cry and curl up with you. Men don't show emotions like women, They are men. While we women would like to cuddle more often this may not be so exciting to me because they just were not made like that. I'm sure we would all like our men to be as sensative and show more emotions like us women, but its not going to happen. WIth that said, even though he doesn't show emotions, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care. So cheer up. Your husband probably just wants to see your happy and like your usual self. Smiling and happy. Everyone loves to be around a positive person (even in your situation, you can look at the positive side of things), right now it seems that you are the opposite and misery loves company. Yes its okay to be sad about these things but don't let them get you down, some times your feelings can rubb off on other people. So don't worry be happy. Sorry about your lost, but its time to cheer up and move on, brighter days are ahead of you and you hubby. Maybe you can decorate your home or do something different to bring it out more and make it comfortable like your old home. Sometimes decorating can work wonders with a home. Alot of people are having to downsize and downgrade with the economy, your blessed to have a home. Don't worry about these small things, if you don't like your job change your job to second shift or go to be early. You are probably more tired now with all of the stressing that you have been doing. Get back into action, go to the gym and work out to relieve some of that stress. This will also give you more energy. Also take a multi-vitamin and drink plenty of water. On top of that surprise your hubby with a unforgettable night, something to take your minds off of this other stuff.

Answer 10

my heart is breaking for you. i will pray for your happiness and the healing that your heart needs.

in the mean time, perhaps you might consider a support group in your local area. sometimes the hospitals will have such group and if not, there is probably a womens help center nearby, or a church (if you are religiously inclined)

you need to have a circle of support. not just one friend or a counselor. and your husband and you need professional help. and talk with each other about.

if all else fails, a separation may be necessary.

blessings!
\Gina